Wanting to go back to old times, years? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-16-2020, 09:23 PM Thread Starter
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Wanting to go back to old times, years?


I've noticed I have this habit where I keep wanting to go back to past times. Lately I have had this obsession with the late 2000s for some reason. 2007 was the year I graduated and it wasn't the happiest time for me at that time, because my grandmother had to move in with my aunt and uncle that year following a stroke and that really bothered me. But she recovered and lived for a long while after so it wasn't so bad. I keep looking back on that year from 2006 onward, since 2006 was a major turning point where my life started getting a lot better than it was, as 2004-05 was a bad time for me. Summer 2006 was the last year I went on a vacation with my parents, then senior year started that fall and then I remember all the way through the spring 2007, and that summer I went on a road trip with my aunt and uncle for the last time. That's like the last time I went anywhere with them.

Something about that time period 2006-2009 is just special to me for some reason. Sometimes I'll hear a song on the radio and BOOM I'm right back there to those places and times. I guess it's sort of like how our parents etc say certain songs take them back, but it's just a lot more recently. lol

But I keep thinking back to like 2007-2012 and I feel like I was better off then. My family was younger, and after I started driving on my own and started college it was like a whole other new world for me. Now, everything seems to move slowly and be rather boring compared to that since not much changes really. After 2012 my life got pretty boring and I didn't get to socialize much anymore. I did a little from 2016-17 but nothing like 2008-2012 or so. It almost seems like looking back to 2012 the sky felt bluer, things seemed more innocent and I was happier. I think much of that had to do with me changing jobs in 2014 also. After that I was a lot more stressed, and it didn't start to get better until late 2015. Even at that there are some things from that period too I'd like to have the way they were, other than work.

Sometimes I'm not even sure how I got through all of that. I didn't even think changing jobs would be a big deal but it really was.

But, I don't want to discount the present, because one day I'll look back and probably wish I was back to how things are now. Not including the virus and all but things otherwise.

I still have a lot to be thankful for: even though I live with my parents at least I don't have to worry about not having a place to live if I lost job because of the virus, 2nd we aren't going through any health crises in the family right now, and 3rd I'm still going forward. So all in all I guess things now aren't so bad but there's a lot that I could do better.

Sometimes during these shutdowns I've thought, I really want to start living to the fullest again and getting busy with new things instead of just going to work and going home without much else. Sort of taking life for granted I guess? I want to travel more or at least get out of town once in a while but sometimes I wonder if when we get older if things we used to do don't have the same effect anymore since our mind or outlook has changed.

Does anyone else ever do this?

Underneath the cold November sky, I wait for you... As the pages of my life roll by, I wait for you... I'm so desperate just to see your face, meet me in this broken place...

Be a little brave for a little bit of time.
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post #2 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 01:21 AM
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sounds like you were pretty content and happy with the way things were. then in in 2008-2012 you quit something, lost something special, or got preoccupied with something else. then downward into boredom.
maybe thats my own life im
talking about it but sounds like a familiar story to me, personally. and i also should feel more grateful about how things are now. but if i dont make some kind of move now this is the way things will always be.
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post #3 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 02:15 AM
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I wish I could go back to 1995 when I was 25 years old. I was on my own for the first time, I had lots of energy, no issues with ache and pains, I slept well, I was way thinner then I am now.

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post #4 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 02:21 AM
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You have to move forward and be present and be content enough w/ whatever happens.
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post #5 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 05:24 AM
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It's nostalgia. And in your case, it sounds like the nostalgia is somewhat excessive.

Nostalgia is also a useful comfort mechanism whereby you use past positive memories to help alleviate feelings of boredom, loneliness, etc

In most cases, nostalgia is a happy or positive emotion when you relive positive moments from the past. When a person is doing nostalgia excessively, then what's happening is your mind is its realising that your life TODAY isn't as happy or good as it was back then. Now what's happening is that your mind is creating past and present images side by side comparing them and showing you that today you're not so happy.

Your subconscious mind is now actually trying to motivate you to feel happy again by trying to get you do some proactive steps to improve your life now. But if all you do is then just go back to the nostalgia, you aren't getting anywhere and you leave your subconscious mind confused. Too much nostalgia can be a sign of being depressed.

Nostalgia used to be classified as a mental illness many years ago, which obviously now is a load of nonsense.



What you're describing I do myself. I think also back to those times in the past and long for them. even long back to like 2013/4 when certain things were going on . But i specifically miss people. not so much stuff I was doing but people i connected with. I even do kinda weird stuff like remember when we went to certain places like restaurants or take away shops during lunch hour and I'll like go to Google maps Street view just to like look at that place we went, the car lot, the restaurant and remember I was there with those people. Lol. And then you wonder about them, where they are now. Etc.

I'll go to Street view and look at my street like it was years ago (it's years and years since they've updated it for some reason) and remember the neighbours cars and that time and what I was doing back then.

And then online friends that just decided they'd dissapear. That's really a killer. Last few Sundays for some weird reason if felt really nostalgic about a couple online friends I had for a year or more that we talked nearly every day for a year that just vanished. I know they're still out there. It almost felt like how you'd feel if it was a missing persons case, that's how strong it felt and it lasted all day. So you end up looking at old pics that you sent through chatting etc, remembering the situations you and they were in, and kinda painfully trying to think where they are now and what they're doing. But the fact you had those connections is still overall positive. You maybe remessage them see if you get a reply, and you don't. Maybe they've even deleted their account?

However, I realise that intrinsically my life nowadays now is better than it was then. I think I remember people more than places and things.


****

Quote:
Ah, the good old days.

If only I could go back and relive those moments. Nothing will ever be as good as that time with my friends as a teenager, the holidays with my family, or playing in the backyard as a child, chasing my dog. Or many other moments in the past that I wish I could revisit.

I wish I could rewind the movie of my life and be there again, as if for the first time, but this time to “know then what I know now.” How I wouldn’t take it for granted this time. How I’d be aware with every passing moment how special each moment actually is and was, and truly cherish them in the moment this time around.


Nostalgia has a tendency to be like a natural sedative. It has a way of taking past events and not only shining the spotlight on the most positive points of those moments, but it also glosses each memory with a heavy coat of euphoria and idealization (if only they sold that combination in a can to use in the present).

In nostalgic moments, each memory becomes magnified, not only in terms of depth of meaning, but also of emotional experience. There is generally a longing to go back to these past experiences with a desire to hold each moment close and not let it go.

While nostalgia can provide a warm memory in occasional moments, repeated patterns of nostalgia are actually akin to a difficulty mourning unprocessed losses.

In our lives, we don’t just lose people, but we lose time, experiences, portions of our lives, childhood, adolescence, college years, parenthood, and all of the things that go with these periods of our lives. These are often times of innocence and less responsibility — where our lives and future were still ahead of us and there was more of a sense of freedom.

For some it can also be later moments such as parenting small children, for example. Generally, nostalgia reflects periods of life that now feel closed in a bubble somewhere in the past. Moments that you can’t have back or fully repeat in the present.

While some of these losses may be processed along the way in life, many are not. We hold tightly to these experiences, often going back to them to revisit them internally. And while there’s something nice about having this internal thumb drive of our life experiences, it can also wreak emotional havoc if we become too caught up in nostalgia.

Many of the people I see in my practice struggle with the grip of nostalgia and its impact. For some people, nostalgia and unprocessed losses are a significant factor in feeding depression. There is a constant feeling that the best parts of their lives are passed, trapped somewhere in the memory of bygone days.

For many people in this place, they end up spending a lot of emotional energy aiming to get these moments back, in one way or another. This can be acted out through things including “grass is greener syndrome,” constantly looking for the shinier green grass somewhere else in life. The idea being that the best moments are never in the present, but something to chase that’s always just out of their grasp.

What makes nostalgia so tricky is embedded the euphoric and idealized layer of gloss that paints the memories. This makes it harder to let go of the yearning and the grief. And, if you can’t have the moment back, well, the feeling is that at least you have the memory and the emotion to remain connected to these important moments in your life.

However, the euphoria provides a constant reinforcement of the feeling of loss. Not being able to process these moments doesn’t allow the gloss to thin, which generally tends to increase the feeling of loss and depression, as well as the (likely unconscious) feeling that the present isn’t good enough without that hybridized glossy coat. Eventually, it may turn into feeling like you can never reach the emotional standards and expectations that are set internally, and everything starts to feel less than fulfilling.

This can be paralyzing for people and eventually leave them feeling hopeless.

The nostalgic moments highlight what has meant the most to us in our lives, and informs us about who we want to be and what we want to become. Wiping off the glossy coat from these moments threatens to wipe away the strength of the meaning and relevance of these past moments for people.

The deeper worry generally becomes that you’ll be left without a sense of self and meaning if you come through the other end of the losses. Similar to losing a loved one where you may want to move out of the grief, but you never want to forget the strength of the love, which is in itself painful. Wallowing takes over to protect the greater meaning.

This is the cycle that keeps people caught in grass-is-greener syndrome, or intensifying depression and lack of satisfaction in the present.

Working through the grip of nostalgia can help open the door to moving forward out of the stuck and unfulfilled present and into a more hopeful future — where the future doesn’t have to be the past, and the rest of your life can actually still be ahead of you.

Waiting for a beam to break through here,
A chain-way vision bright and clear.
This must be it,
Longed for Bliss,
First it was so quiet and now I know I am not alone in here.

___________
Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride, nobody gonna slow me down. I gotta keep on moovin!

If you can read this, you must look at my profile page. I like people who have attention to detail, and curiosity.
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post #6 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 05:41 AM
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Psychologically I feel comfortable in the present.
Physically I would like to be in my mid twenties or thirties.

Society nowadays is more open-minded regarding LGBT rights, environmental protection etc.
And Internet is pretty helpful for dealing with SA!

Apart from that, lifestyle was best before 2000 IMO!
Less traffic, life was slower! People even spoke more slowly.

I liked borders (not walls!), different currencies, different countries.
Now most things/fashion seem the same all over the world.

Products, clothes and food were of far better quality.
More individual shops and restaurants/cafés and not only boring chains!
Companies were primarily run by people and not funds or investors.
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post #7 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 06:07 AM
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I miss the time when I could just take off and go somewhere, visit a store and not think twice about it. But that was just a couple months ago.
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post #8 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 06:14 AM
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I miss the time when I could just take off and go somewhere, visit a store and not think twice about it. But that was just a couple months ago.
Technically, I could probably get away with it (healthwise anyway). Realistically, I haven't been sick with a cold or flu for more than 10 years and I have been out and about in crowded (packed) stores when flu season was in full swing without giving it a second thought (and I don't think I've ever had a flu shot).

I'm refraining for the fact that I could carry it back to my parents.

/WYSD
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post #9 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 07:51 AM
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Technically, I could probably get away with it (healthwise anyway). Realistically, I haven't been sick with a cold or flu for more than 10 years and I have been out and about in crowded (packed) stores when flu season was in full swing without giving it a second thought (and I don't think I've ever had a flu shot).

I'm refraining for the fact that I could carry it back to my parents.
I've never had the flu as teenager or adult,never had a flu shot and only a handful of colds since 1988. But SARS Cov2 is definitely different so I still have to ask myself if the risk even if tiny is worth it if I really don't have to go somewhere. My county is still showing quite a few new cases every day, 54 new ones yesterday though that was probably a data dump from the whole week and a majority of cases have been in nursing homes. I could go grocery shopping(for instance) to neighboring counties that have had hardly any new cases though.

Inside edition had a story this week about some doctor who says he got Covid through the eyes because he was all masked up and still got it. So does that mean we have to wear tight fitting safety goggles now? He was on a packed plane though and even though he ended up in the hospital apparently he never tested positive, tested negative three times. Something seems fishy about that story but the media focuses on these types of things which only makes you think twice about going somewhere.
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post #10 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 09:10 AM
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I'm happier with my life now than I've ever been. What makes me sad is getting older, especially my parents getting older. So I'm more nostalgic to that.

If I had to go back to the past I'd pick an age before I was 6.
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post #11 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 10:47 AM
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There's no period of my life (in memory,) where there wasn't something terrible I wouldn't want to go back to even if some parts were better.

But as someone else pointed out getting older is pretty bad, actually the ageing process is indescribably horrific. But it took until recently for me to start to see evidence in my own life.

Some people heard my words and thought it meant they knew me
Truth is, I don't exist, I'm just a soundtrack to your movie
Some background figure in a story that's already scripted
And what I feel's just felt for you to hear me ****ing spit it
I jump in many different heads through these words and poems
Always hoping maybe the next leap'll be my leap home

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post #12 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 11:06 AM
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2007 was a good year. Which isn't saying much because I still had mental issues maybe even worse than now.
But compared to now 2007 was like a dream.
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post #13 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 11:08 AM
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The last time I remember being generally quite happy was the early 90's when I was still very young & for the most part innocent of the negativity in the world & some loved ones that have since died were still around & healthy I guess.

Its been somewhat of a gradual downward slope ever since, my teenage years bleeding into early 20's were a mess of bullying, depression, anxiety, isolation, burning bridges you name it, that I've never fully recovered from mentally & I don't relish the thought of going into my 40's, 50's & beyond the way I am tbh.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #14 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 11:26 AM
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But as someone else pointed out getting older is pretty bad, actually the ageing process is indescribably horrific. But it took until recently for me to start to see evidence in my own life.
Yeah It's hard enough for some of us to deal with life when we're relatively young & physically healthy at least what about when we're not anymore : /.... Let me guess first grey hair for aging evidence <a href="http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/images/smilies/lol.gif" border="0" alt="" title="" >:-)</a>






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #15 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 11:30 AM
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idk the past is dead and gone. not much point thinking about it. my memory is pretty bad, I dont even remember my past very well

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post #16 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 11:35 AM
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Yeah It's hard enough for some of us to deal with life when we're relatively young & physically healthy at least what about when we're not anymore : /.... Let me guess first grey hair for aging evidence <a href="https://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/images/smilies/lol.gif" border="0" alt="" title="" >:-)</a>
No my dad is basically a full time carer for his mum now she needs constant supervision, she sometimes talks about wanting to die to him (because she was a very active person before age, she also doesn't like people helping her she once stabbed herself accidentally in the foot with a garden fork and didn't go to the hospital,) and he's losing his mind, he vents to me on the phone and thinking about being in his position eventually makes me want to kill myself too because I'm not strong and caring for others is not a skill I developed. After all there's a reason why I'm not having children etc. Moreover my mum's dad developed Alzheimer's so imagining my mum developing that is also horrifying.

This is just another part of 'life is horrifying™' my mum's life has comparatively been less bad than my dad's, so I suppose there's some contrast but watching him with everything and not coping with anything, and then learning about his past (before I was born,) has just been terrible.

Also there's the whole funeral thing and a bunch of other stuff, it's all a nightmare like I say.

Some people heard my words and thought it meant they knew me
Truth is, I don't exist, I'm just a soundtrack to your movie
Some background figure in a story that's already scripted
And what I feel's just felt for you to hear me ****ing spit it
I jump in many different heads through these words and poems
Always hoping maybe the next leap'll be my leap home

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post #17 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 12:14 PM
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and he's losing his mind, he vents to me on the phone and thinking about being in his position eventually makes me want to kill myself too because I'm not strong and caring for others is not a skill I developed. After all there's a reason why I'm not having children etc.

This is just another part of 'life is horrifying&#x2122;&#xfe0f;'
Yeah my dad was the same while terminally ill from lung disease, couldn't breath, coughing up blood & talking about dying all the time, there's something to be said for a quick death when you witness a loved one suffer, but we won't all get that if relying on nature to take its course at least.

If your dad knows how you are maybe he should ease up on what he tells you, or how he says it, why not talk to your mother or something instead to vent the gory details, though I guess there's no point being shielded from the harsh realities of life because we all have to face them sometime anyway.

I often wonder myself about people who say they love children, yet still introduce them to the world, there's so many versions of hell they'll most likely have to endure at one time or another while here.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #18 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 12:22 PM
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Yeah my dad was the same while terminally ill from lung disease, couldn't breath, coughing up blood & talking about dying all the time, there's something to be said for a quick death when you witness a loved one suffer, but we won't all get that if relying on nature to take its course at least.

If your dad knows how you are maybe he should ease up on what he tells you, or how he says it, why not talk to your mother or something instead to vent the gory details, though I guess there's no point being shielded from the harsh realities of life because we all have to face them sometime anyway.

I often wonder myself about people who say they love children, yet still introduce them to the world, there's so many versions of hell they'll most likely have to endure at one time or another while here.
I'm sure he talks to her too sometimes but they are actually separated, and I feel bad for the idea that she has to talk to him really because I think deep down she probably doesn't want to all things considered. He lives next door to his friend too but yeah I think he probably just talks about it with everyone.

Some people heard my words and thought it meant they knew me
Truth is, I don't exist, I'm just a soundtrack to your movie
Some background figure in a story that's already scripted
And what I feel's just felt for you to hear me ****ing spit it
I jump in many different heads through these words and poems
Always hoping maybe the next leap'll be my leap home

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post #19 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 12:41 PM
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I'm sure he talks to her too sometimes but they are actually separated, and I feel bad for the idea that she has to talk to him really because I think deep down she probably doesn't want to all things considered.
Ah ok well no she probably doesn't want to hear it in that case then &#x1f642;






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #20 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-18-2020, 02:44 AM
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I think I had a fairly happy childhood. I like to think about it to drive out the bad thoughts. Everything started going downhill for me at puberty and got progressively worse until my late 20s. So the 70s-80s bring back happy memories for me, but being reminded of the 90s usually makes me want to stick a fork in my eye and bang my head against the table.

I love Society. It is entirely composed now of beautiful idiots and brilliant lunatics. Just what Society should be.
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