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post #381 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 07:04 AM
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Blair and Serena avatars... @A Toxic Butterfly @Ekardy

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post #382 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 07:07 AM
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Blair and Serena avatars... @A Toxic Butterfly @Ekardy
It’s our Halloween avatar costumes, lol, we have 5 costume changes this month.
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post #383 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 07:21 AM
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Yup. feel like stabbing myself in the neck today, and or otherwise inflicting damage in order to get some help.

Rang secondary care again, spoke to duty officer, said he will email the head psychologist, who will inevitably reply that nothing can be done, and they will get me in to offer me a wonderful choice of SSRI's.

**** knows how I go into university Weds when I am randomly bursting into tears. Should be fun, anyway.

Enough about me, lets talk about you, what do you think about me?
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post #384 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 07:23 AM
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Its rapid mood swings just without the mania.

Enough about me, lets talk about you, what do you think about me?
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post #385 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 08:17 AM
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Yeah, seen one like that in the hospital. Very good looking and kind of intimidating as was quite cold personality wise (not wearing heart on sleeve).
Oh no this lady's not cold mate - or intimidating.

I was a bit concerned about my blood pressure though - I'm surprised it was still normal under those circumstances. A man my age has to watch out for that sort of thing.
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post #386 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 08:20 AM
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OK?

(thinking about it I'm pretty sure I've never said this actually lol, and I actually do have a morbid fascination with macabre/dark/death related stuff.)





LOL but today on tumblr it's someone else as 16 year old me (not really but the aesthetic.) cause you know obviously

Which of course in turn is based on (or somehow influenced by,) a book I never read by Virginia Woolf.

Kick down the door
Kick through the pain
You've been talking to the wall
Everybody is dead in this house

Kick down the door
Kick through the pain
You never wanted to be born
Everybody is dead in this house

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post #387 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 08:20 AM
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Yup. feel like stabbing myself in the neck today, and or otherwise inflicting damage in order to get some help.

Rang secondary care again, spoke to duty officer, said he will email the head psychologist, who will inevitably reply that nothing can be done, and they will get me in to offer me a wonderful choice of SSRI's.

**** knows how I go into university Weds when I am randomly bursting into tears. Should be fun, anyway.
I hope you're alright there Bob. Not being silly but maybe you should give all the pills a rest and just take something for the neck pain. Give yourself a chance to get back to your normal mood.
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post #388 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 09:58 AM
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Sometimes it seems like everything is losing value in the world expect for the iPhone and Donald Trump. Those seem to be constants.
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post #389 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 10:39 AM
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Oh no this lady's not cold mate - or intimidating.

I was a bit concerned about my blood pressure though - I'm surprised it was still normal under those circumstances. A man my age has to watch out for that sort of thing.

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post #390 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 10:54 AM
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Never underestimate the importance of a good day if you're in a dark place. Might seem so trivial but I am learning to seize the moment since when everything has turned to ****
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post #391 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 11:31 AM
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I hope you're alright there Bob. Not being silly but maybe you should give all the pills a rest and just take something for the neck pain. Give yourself a chance to get back to your normal mood.
Oh, I haven't taken anything.

This is my normal mood, sans any kind of support. There isn't anything that helps the neck pain as its neurological. Not really alright either no. Called secondary support again today, dude said he would contact the lead psychologist see if anything could be done (seems my old psychologist has left which is why I suddenly got discharged). Lead psychologist likely wont do anything (because they cant). Failing that he said they would get me in to discuss meds. Which means nardil, because anything else is a waste of time.

My "normal mood" as you see it, and have seen it over the past two years has been the result of having a very good psychologist helping me. Now the seasonal depression has hit, my support has gone, I have a lot of pressure re university and its all come crashing down. My other sources of support (not that they helped) have also ended.

This is it, I am basically on my own with a ****ed up brain which has mini depressive episodes daily (no mania, sadly), a lot of pressure, and the inability to use chairs for any length of time, or look down for any length of time. From this point I have to try to build a life from the ground up, and it just seems completely futile (from my bed).

I could handle the anxiety. Anxiety is ****ing easy. I cant handle it with depression and not being able to use seating.

I will do my best to drug my way through it all though, what else can I do?

Enough about me, lets talk about you, what do you think about me?
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post #392 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 12:01 PM
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Sometimes I wish I would just keep my mouth closed in certain situations because more often than not I just end up making things worse - despite genuinely meaning well. When there's a problem or an argument, my initial reaction is to always want to fix things immediately and discuss things (ad nauseam). Sometimes it's okay and totally appropriate while other times it's better just to give the other person some space. Idk why I have so much trouble doing that. Why do I have so much trouble just letting things sit for a while?

I feel like I said too much this time. In the name of trying to fix things, I just made them worse. The problem is I really care about this person and I want to give them what they desire. They are not the type of person who needs to talk about things right away, they just need some time alone. I can't help but worry that they will respond really negatively, as they are somewhat short tempered to begin with. I just hope I didn't ruin things completely.

It's something about myself that I really want to change but I'm not sure how to. I don't know what it is - like maybe it's a fear of not being in control of the situation. Idk. In some weird way I think it is also kind of a fear of losing them completely, like to fall out favour with them. Idk. My mind is so warped sometimes.

&
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post #393 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 12:36 PM
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This orange mango chapstick tastes like candy on my lips.
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post #394 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 02:20 PM
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Oh, I haven't taken anything.
I'm not having a go at you Bob - you just seem a lot angrier on here over the last 6 months or so. You mentioned in a post just then something about your tolerance to benzos? And I remember you also saying once or twice about another one that made you grumpy when you were withdrawing from it - was it Modafanil? Plus the Wellbutrin.

I don't know about you but with me that sort of stuff takes a while to get out of your system - at least a few days probably. It'll affect your mood for a while.
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post #395 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 02:31 PM
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This orange mango chapstick tastes like candy on my lips.
Oh no....this is why I stopped using flavored chapstick, I kept licking it off.
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post #396 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 02:46 PM
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post #397 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 03:16 PM
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post #398 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 03:19 PM
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Oh no....this is why I stopped using flavored chapstick, I kept licking it off.
I really love those flavoured chapsticks. I made a special trip to the chemist recently just to get a strawberry one, then while I was waiting in the queue there was a girl that had two in her hand so I asked her what flavor they were.

They were rasberry lemonade blast so i got one of them as well. Very nice.
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post #399 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 03:22 PM
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What a start to this month, cold, rainy, miserable weather, sums up my mood about it.
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post #400 of 17919 (permalink) Old 10-01-2018, 03:26 PM
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I really love those flavoured chapsticks. I made a special trip to the chemist recently just to get a strawberry one, then while I was waiting in the queue there was a girl that had two in her hand so I asked her what flavor they were.

They were rasberry lemonade blast so i got one of them as well. Very nice.
The strawberry ones are my favorite but switched to the minty kind. Love the tingly feeling on my lips.
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