The old thread doesn't work properly for some people because it has errors and refreshes itself. No other threads have this problem, so I thought it might be better to make a new version.
I'm thinking about computers, futurism, I'm wondering what the world will be like in another ten years. It is pretty cool how much things change in a decade, and how much more things will change due to exponential growth.
I wonder how much people will change alongside of the technology, the past ten years I have seen a lot of growing pains in society, I hope the next ten will be an easier transition.
Been thinking about finding a church somewhere walking distance but there is like 3 to choose from. But idk if this was a sign or not but I got 2 pamphlets from one of the churches by customers today..hmm.
I'm frustrated. I'm not anxious anymore. Yay right? End of my problems? Whoo hoooo. Nope. Having nice convos not stressing, but i'm not enjoying them either ya know? Amazing how easy convo flows when i'm not low level dissociated. Think my life became so small due to avoidance i now have to find ways to make it fulfilling. Make connections and relationships I look forward to. Not fair though, thought the anxiety going away would be the end of that.
If I'm going to get my apartment back. Incompetent neighbour upstairs flooded their flat & disappeared & I had to call the fire brigade to sort the water leak out. My flat is now structurally damaged
SA or not, I'm getting a job. It's inconceivable for me not to work.
If I have to pretend to be convivial, charming, an all-around people person, fake my way through human interactions...so be it. So long as I do something I love.
I go stir crazy without something to do. Hyperactive, restless, absent-minded and snippy. I need something on which to focus.
Damn the group leader. Rings to tell me the morning group has been cancelled after I already took modafinil and a coffee. Sleep is now impossible, so I guess I might as well get up and get on with things .
I just posted in another forum I had left months ago.
It wasn't a good idea. So many ppl there I don't want to see, talk to, approach me.
I'm asking myself if I should just let it be for a couple of days, or just delete that new account altogether. I don't want to run, don't want to resort to my usual avoidant responses, don't want to appear like...well, a coward (even though I am)
Maybe I'll wait those couple of days. We'll see. If by then the anxiety is overwhelming (it's manageable right now, I'm pulling out.
On top of that, I suspect my masochistic, self-sabotaging streak is acting up. I'm regressing. Or getting arrogant, thinking I can handle this. It'll bite me in the ***, I'm sure of it.
I deleted the account. No regrets there. After having read about doing something productive to my self-esteem, I just knew it was the right thing to do.
Holidays don't really mean all that much to me anymore. If it wasn't for the all of the fireworks being set off for the past week, I really wouldn't even noticed or cared that it was the 4th of July.
I've just sent her 84 year old cat Rose a voicemail, asking if she's had her teeth out yet, and if not, could she be ever so kind to bite her on the arse for not bloody talking to me.
HP and the Cursed Child should never have been made. It just tainted my love for the original story.
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