New to sas and could use some encouragement please - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-05-2019, 08:15 AM Thread Starter
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New to sas and could use some encouragement please


Hello everyone i hope you all are copping well today, ive been lurking on the forum for about two years now and decided it was time to register as I've just had it with the feelings i have due to my life long battle with anxiety.

A little bit about me to start, im 37 years old and have four children all with my wife of 14 years, we have a twelve year old daughter an almost 3 year old son who was born 3 months early and had a rough start to life (hes doing very well now) and then we had surprise twin daughters who are 7 months old now. I love my kids and my wife, they are my everything. When our first daughter was born we had one vehicle and lived in the boonies so i did the stay at home dad thing for several years while working intermittently here and there, i struggle mightily to hold down employment due to my sas and ocd, ive never been diagnosed but i have an oppointment with a new doctor on the 25th of this month and plan to request a therapy recommendation, my sister is 40 years old and has autism, i suspect i also have it as we are two peas in a pod so to speak. Currently ive been doing the stay at home gig since my son was born almost three years ago and prior to that i was somehow able to hold down a gig as a short order cook (very stressful) for 2 years, it probably helped that my father also worked there and that gave me some level of comfort, however when my son was born and had his rough start i quit that job and burned my bridge too be by his side 24/7. Now that he is good i really want to return to some sort of functioning life where i can help provide financial stability for my family, about two months ago i worked up the courage to go and get a job at a dunkin donuts and i only lasted 6 shifts before the panic attacks crept in and i immediately quit that job........ my wife is not at all dissapointed in me and is very understanding even though she doesnt totally get it because, well she doesn't have my issues in life, im lucky enough that she happens to have a good enough paying job that she can support all of us (barely) and we arent going under or w.o necessities. For me i allways feel like a loser who doesnt provide financialy though, she tells me that she doesnt need me to work and doesnt force it on me, i do all the forcing upon myself... ive now been hired last night to start a new gig as a cook again and am supposed to start tonight and yesterday i was all happy about it but the closer it gets to 5:00 when im scheduled to work my lousy 5 hour shift that a normal person could do with they eyes closed, the more anxiety im having and now i want to quit before i even start! I just dont know what to do anymore, i feel like im rambling and not making any sense too.. being around people again after years of solitude and just being w my family is soo tough... should i quit before i start and just chalk it up as another huge failure? Im also dealing with alot of b.s. from my sick and mentally abusive mother right now which is really not helping matters.

Any advice is greatly appreciated and thanks for listening.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-05-2019, 08:39 AM
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Originally Posted by MeloMania28 View Post
Hello everyone i hope you all are copping well today, ive been lurking on the forum for about two years now and decided it was time to register as I've just had it with the feelings i have due to my life long battle with anxiety.

A little bit about me to start, im 37 years old and have four children all with my wife of 14 years, we have a twelve year old daughter an almost 3 year old son who was born 3 months early and had a rough start to life (hes doing very well now) and then we had surprise twin daughters who are 7 months old now. I love my kids and my wife, they are my everything. When our first daughter was born we had one vehicle and lived in the boonies so i did the stay at home dad thing for several years while working intermittently here and there, i struggle mightily to hold down employment due to my sas and ocd, ive never been diagnosed but i have an oppointment with a new doctor on the 25th of this month and plan to request a therapy recommendation, my sister is 40 years old and has autism, i suspect i also have it as we are two peas in a pod so to speak. Currently ive been doing the stay at home gig since my son was born almost three years ago and prior to that i was somehow able to hold down a gig as a short order cook (very stressful) for 2 years, it probably helped that my father also worked there and that gave me some level of comfort, however when my son was born and had his rough start i quit that job and burned my bridge too be by his side 24/7. Now that he is good i really want to return to some sort of functioning life where i can help provide financial stability for my family, about two months ago i worked up the courage to go and get a job at a dunkin donuts and i only lasted 6 shifts before the panic attacks crept in and i immediately quit that job........ my wife is not at all dissapointed in me and is very understanding even though she doesnt totally get it because, well she doesn't have my issues in life, im lucky enough that she happens to have a good enough paying job that she can support all of us (barely) and we arent going under or w.o necessities. For me i allways feel like a loser who doesnt provide financialy though, she tells me that she doesnt need me to work and doesnt force it on me, i do all the forcing upon myself... ive now been hired last night to start a new gig as a cook again and am supposed to start tonight and yesterday i was all happy about it but the closer it gets to 5:00 when im scheduled to work my lousy 5 hour shift that a normal person could do with they eyes closed, the more anxiety im having and now i want to quit before i even start! I just dont know what to do anymore, i feel like im rambling and not making any sense too.. being around people again after years of solitude and just being w my family is soo tough... should i quit before i start and just chalk it up as another huge failure? Im also dealing with alot of b.s. from my sick and mentally abusive mother right now which is really not helping matters.

Any advice is greatly appreciated and thanks for listening.
Hey there.
Welcome to SAS

It is a blessing that you have a understanding wife. Most relationships believe that it is the man to be the "bread winner" the supportor of the family. In your case truly it must be very hard for you to find a job and stick with it due to your anxiety.


If you can try not to stress yourself over your new first gig. Try telling yourself you can do it. I know it is hard but maybe constsntly keep telling yourself this in your mind. And take it slow. I know with a job you have to keep your pace up but just try if you can to not worry. You can do it


If you want to do come back on this thread to tell me all about your first day if you want. I want to hear how your first day has went.








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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-05-2019, 08:41 AM
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Go to your shift, you'll be glad you did. I've made decisions like this recently where "i didn't go". I've been stuck in this rut too. As a general rule, it's usually better to do the hard things. It won't be so bad. You go to your shift, do your job and come home with money in your pocket. It's emasculating to be a guy in this role where you can't work and contribute financially to the household. I hope you go to your shift and everything works out.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-05-2019, 11:00 AM
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-05-2019, 11:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeloMania28 View Post
Hello everyone i hope you all are copping well today, ive been lurking on the forum for about two years now and decided it was time to register as I've just had it with the feelings i have due to my life long battle with anxiety.

A little bit about me to start, im 37 years old and have four children all with my wife of 14 years, we have a twelve year old daughter an almost 3 year old son who was born 3 months early and had a rough start to life (hes doing very well now) and then we had surprise twin daughters who are 7 months old now. I love my kids and my wife, they are my everything. When our first daughter was born we had one vehicle and lived in the boonies so i did the stay at home dad thing for several years while working intermittently here and there, i struggle mightily to hold down employment due to my sas and ocd, ive never been diagnosed but i have an oppointment with a new doctor on the 25th of this month and plan to request a therapy recommendation, my sister is 40 years old and has autism, i suspect i also have it as we are two peas in a pod so to speak. Currently ive been doing the stay at home gig since my son was born almost three years ago and prior to that i was somehow able to hold down a gig as a short order cook (very stressful) for 2 years, it probably helped that my father also worked there and that gave me some level of comfort, however when my son was born and had his rough start i quit that job and burned my bridge too be by his side 24/7. Now that he is good i really want to return to some sort of functioning life where i can help provide financial stability for my family, about two months ago i worked up the courage to go and get a job at a dunkin donuts and i only lasted 6 shifts before the panic attacks crept in and i immediately quit that job........ my wife is not at all dissapointed in me and is very understanding even though she doesnt totally get it because, well she doesn't have my issues in life, im lucky enough that she happens to have a good enough paying job that she can support all of us (barely) and we arent going under or w.o necessities. For me i allways feel like a loser who doesnt provide financialy though, she tells me that she doesnt need me to work and doesnt force it on me, i do all the forcing upon myself... ive now been hired last night to start a new gig as a cook again and am supposed to start tonight and yesterday i was all happy about it but the closer it gets to 5:00 when im scheduled to work my lousy 5 hour shift that a normal person could do with they eyes closed, the more anxiety im having and now i want to quit before i even start! I just dont know what to do anymore, i feel like im rambling and not making any sense too.. being around people again after years of solitude and just being w my family is soo tough... should i quit before i start and just chalk it up as another huge failure? Im also dealing with alot of b.s. from my sick and mentally abusive mother right now which is really not helping matters.

Any advice is greatly appreciated and thanks for listening.
The first thing you should know - above all else, is that whether you can hold down a job or not - you have a family that loves you. Everything else is complete and utter bull****.

Now that we've got that little point out of the way - you're situation's not all that different to mine in many ways - only I have just the one son. I wish I had 4 like you though. Our conditions are most likely a bit different but the end result is probably much the same.

The most important thing is the relationship you'll have with your children. I have a very close bond with my son - for a range of reasons, not least of which because I was home a lot and able to spend a lot of time with him. Maybe you can look at your situation from that perspective now - or try to.

Whether you go to work is between you and your wife. Ultimately it makes no difference what anyone else thinks.

Welcome to the forum anyway - and try not to be too hard on yourself.
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-05-2019, 03:22 PM
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-05-2019, 07:10 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you guys for your input, it really helped. I went too work and it actually went well! Everyone seemed nice and it was fairly easy going, I'll be going back tomorrow. Staying positive this time! Much love &#x263a;&#xfe0f;
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-05-2019, 07:35 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by harrison View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeloMania28 View Post
Hello everyone i hope you all are copping well today, ive been lurking on the forum for about two years now and decided it was time to register as I've just had it with the feelings i have due to my life long battle with anxiety.

A little bit about me to start, im 37 years old and have four children all with my wife of 14 years, we have a twelve year old daughter an almost 3 year old son who was born 3 months early and had a rough start to life (hes doing very well now) and then we had surprise twin daughters who are 7 months old now. I love my kids and my wife, they are my everything. When our first daughter was born we had one vehicle and lived in the boonies so i did the stay at home dad thing for several years while working intermittently here and there, i struggle mightily to hold down employment due to my sas and ocd, ive never been diagnosed but i have an oppointment with a new doctor on the 25th of this month and plan to request a therapy recommendation, my sister is 40 years old and has autism, i suspect i also have it as we are two peas in a pod so to speak. Currently ive been doing the stay at home gig since my son was born almost three years ago and prior to that i was somehow able to hold down a gig as a short order cook (very stressful) for 2 years, it probably helped that my father also worked there and that gave me some level of comfort, however when my son was born and had his rough start i quit that job and burned my bridge too be by his side 24/7. Now that he is good i really want to return to some sort of functioning life where i can help provide financial stability for my family, about two months ago i worked up the courage to go and get a job at a dunkin donuts and i only lasted 6 shifts before the panic attacks crept in and i immediately quit that job........ my wife is not at all dissapointed in me and is very understanding even though she doesnt totally get it because, well she doesn't have my issues in life, im lucky enough that she happens to have a good enough paying job that she can support all of us (barely) and we arent going under or w.o necessities. For me i allways feel like a loser who doesnt provide financialy though, she tells me that she doesnt need me to work and doesnt force it on me, i do all the forcing upon myself... ive now been hired last night to start a new gig as a cook again and am supposed to start tonight and yesterday i was all happy about it but the closer it gets to 5:00 when im scheduled to work my lousy 5 hour shift that a normal person could do with they eyes closed, the more anxiety im having and now i want to quit before i even start! I just dont know what to do anymore, i feel like im rambling and not making any sense too.. being around people again after years of solitude and just being w my family is soo tough... should i quit before i start and just chalk it up as another huge failure? Im also dealing with alot of b.s. from my sick and mentally abusive mother right now which is really not helping matters.

Any advice is greatly appreciated and thanks for listening.
The first thing you should know - above all else, is that whether you can hold down a job or not - you have a family that loves you. Everything else is complete and utter bull****.

Now that we've got that little point out of the way - you're situation's not all that different to mine in many ways - only I have just the one son. I wish I had 4 like you though. <a href="http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif" border="0" alt="" title="" >:-)</a> Our conditions are most likely a bit different but the end result is probably much the same.

The most important thing is the relationship you'll have with your children. I have a very close bond with my son - for a range of reasons, not least of which because I was home a lot and able to spend a lot of time with him. Maybe you can look at your situation from that perspective now - or try to.

Whether you go to work is between you and your wife. Ultimately it makes no difference what anyone else thinks.

Welcome to the forum anyway - and try not to be too hard on yourself.
.

Thank you! I truly am blessed as are you it seems. It's nice knowing someone is in a similar situation but at the same time i wouldn't wish the sas part on my worst enemy, a bit of a catch 22 lol

I think a-lot of my problem at this point actually stems from having to leave the kids, i was abandoned as one so I know the feeling... i didn't have dread of work until my first was born.

Wishing you all the best in your own endeavor's! Much love.
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