Nardil = SA/GAD/Depression cure for me

I'm planning on writing a longer (or more nardil oriented) treatment review on Nardil. Not sure when I'll actually have time to do it though so I'm writing this quick review to get help others realize how epicly Nardil can work! Basically before I started taking Nardil I was essentially housebound. I couldn't do anything social outside of my house (I would sometimes be forced to and 70% of the time I was extremely uncomfortable) and would still get realllly nervous when socializing inside my home.

Sometimes I'd be nervous enough that my hands/voice were shaking and other times it would just be mental. Either way, I was not myself whatsoever because I constantly filtering all that came out of my mouth to such a ridiculous extent that I came off sounding very scared, awkward, weird, or simply not the person everyone knows me as. This started because of a few reasons that I'm not going to get into, but basically they caused depression which lead to a lack of desire to socialize and then social anxiety! I had SA to begin with but these two situations exacerbated it so much that it was entirely debilitating, embarrasing, and caused my life to come to a complete halt. I was sleeping for 12-15 hours a day and really couldn't hangout with any friends/family in social situations without extreme fear. At my sisters wedding a few people thought I was drunk because I wasn't making sense but I was actually just severly nervous and wanted to leave the situation (which is pretty sad because I would've loved to enjoy my sisters weddding and she wanted that too).

ANYWAY, after only a month on Nardil I'd say I feel more like myself than I have in a year! I have zero depression and nearly SA/GAD free! I've actually been planning goals long term, started writing down to do lists (with times lol...such a geek), getting things done constantly, making phone calls in front of others without being nervous, etc. I've been to a few parties, have had consistant plans with friends and family, and have been hanging out with girls (or texting/facebook chatting them!)! Even got a phone number at work from a very pretty girl I like/have been flirting with!

I was so sick of being constantly sad and filled with boundless anxiety. Now, I've been able to make typical, stress free conversation with EVERYONE at work, people I've been afraid of (mainly those with LOTS of confidence and/or excentric personalities/outspoken extroverts), and attractive girls! At work I used to avoid people, flat out not speak to certain people (mainly people I didn't know very well), and got incredibly anxious when speaking to one of my five (scary!) managers at work. At the moment, I do the exact opposite! I'm actually TOO social at work now and have to focus on actually working sometimes lol. I talk to every single person and have mutiple long conversations with everyone that works there now. The only person that still makes me kind of nervous is the head hancho boss but I can actually joke and mess around with him now! I'm also muchhhhh better with customers as half of my job really is socializing (sales) and now customers notice I really do care about what they're saying and I can incorporate my personality and empathy into a sale which helps dramatically! I've gotten a raise for the past month of sales

My communication skills at work went from about 15% to 100% in this past month at work and I'm extremely outspoken at both work and my home. I still have to work on sticking up for myself at times at work but at my home I've been doing so whenever necessary and have been maybe 87-100% myself (depending on situation/conversation). When my two roomates or myself have friends over I'd say I range from (65%-100% myself depending) and 95% at work!

To summarize: I've been outgoing, make people laugh again, am happy as I've ever been, outspoken, nearly extroverted (although I'm def an intro lol), and get a ton of compliments about how much I've changed for the better! I have been planning my life out again and am fixing all the problems I've created. I'm in a huge rush so sorry for the lack of organization, giant wall of text, overly detailed info, overuse of parenthesis, etc. One big thing I forgot to mention is that because Nardil has given me my self esteem/anxiety free life back I've been doing anaerobic/aerobic excercise every SINGLE day! This also I'm sure has a lot to do with my massive comeback but without Nardil I would be wayyyyy to anxious to start doing so daily again. I'm sure it also helps with my self esteem because I went from being too skinny (I'm perfectionistic so most would've said I was muscular but I tend to want to be big like I used to be when I was age 16-1 at 150ish pounds to gaining 20 pounds of pure muscle and looking pretty giant! I used to workout every day from like 16-18 but stopped due to college (which was a stupid choice when you think about it).

I'll give quick dosing feedback since I haven't discussed it all but I really need to leave!

First week 15mg
Second week 30mg
Third week 45mg
Fourth week 60mg
Fifth week 75mg

Original preferred dosing schedule: Take majority of pills in am a couple hours before I wake up (set early alarm) or take them with food as I wake up. Then, take other pills sometime before 3P.M. to reduce insomnia symptoms. After going to 60mg however, I noticed the 3 pills in the AM made me very sleepy. SO, when I switched up to 75mg, I verified with my pdoc that I could try taking the entire dose at night.

Current preferred dosing schedule: Take all pills just before sleeping. This seems to work as I'm now on 75mg. I never tried taking 3 or 4 pills at night so someone who is experiencing insomnia should test this out! But, taking 75mg (5 pills) all at night reduced insomnia incredibly for me. Also stopped the issue of intense jaw clenching. At night I'll take my 5 pills, a 250mg magnesium pill (ugh constipation sucks but jaw clenching/physical jitters are worse), and l-theanine (200mg). Sleep quality is pretty damn good! I could never sleep on two pills before bedtime (seems to be like taking a b vitamin or caffeine before sleep!) but like I said the 3 or 4 before bed may help insomnia as well. Also the other awesome thing about dosing 5 at night is I experience zero gross nardil smelling gas at night as well as none during the daytime!!!!

Symptoms 30-45mg
- Insomnia (would sleep a handful of hours in a few days if that without slambien cr)
- Jaw clenching (to the point my teeth hurt more than anytime I've done empathogens and it literally hurt to eat even cheerios the next morning.. extremely bad clenching considering I have a thick plastic mouth gaurd and it still hurt like hell!)
- Impotence (in a way... mainly just not as much blood flow thus smaller erection)
takes forever to reach orgasm (preferred in case I want sex.. but it can be frustrating to wack it for like 35-40 mins LOL)
- Just enough constipation to help with odd/poor person diet
- Gross nardil smelling gas (embarrassing!)

Symtoms 60mg
- Insomnia (would sleep a handful of hours in a few days if that without slambien cr)
- Jaw clenching (to the point my teeth hurt more than anytime I've done empathogens and it literally hurt to eat even cheerios the next morning.. extremely bad clenching considering I have a thick plastic mouth gaurd and it still hurt like hell!)
- Impotence (in a way... mainly just not as much blood flow thus smaller erection)
- Takes forever to reach orgasm (preferred in case I want sex.. but it can be frustrating to wack it for like 35-40 mins...or longer! LOL)
- Gross nardil smelling gas (embarrassing!)

Symptoms 75mg

Only after jumping up to 75 did I experience true freedom from essentially all anxiety but also more symptoms. I was only on 75mg for 3 days before I started taking it at night which alleviated most symptoms. I'm going to write this list as though I'm taking all five pills at night like I have been for the last 9 days

- Insomnia persists but to a MUCH smaller extent - I can always fall asleep but I will typically wake up in the middle of the night (I take ambien CR on work days where I have to work early in AM.. pdoc had to get me some sleeping med cause earlier dosing schedule caused remarkably frustrating insomnia)
-Takes forever to reach orgasm (preferred in case I want sex.. but it can be frustrating to wack it for like 35-40 mins... or longer! LOL)
- No gas (5 pills = none at night OR during day!!)
- PAINFUL Constipation (I hope this gets better with time but atm it can feel like you're preggers and you're giving birth lol)
- Slightly slower metabolism (forgot to list this above.. no time to fix) - annoying at first but after working at it's beneficial since my metabolism is so fast that it helps me keep muscle as I've been a hard gainer most of my life
- Memory - My long term memory is wayyy better because I think the lack of anxiety means I can actually utilize my brain in a useful manner as opposed to simply panicking when trying to remember something (ie. OH NO I'm not going to be able to remember this thing! Everyone is going to think I have the worst memory or that I have alheizmers! etc). HOWEVER, my short term memory has taken a beating pretty badly. Just keep forgetting small things and it reminds me of the memory loss I experienced on wellbutrin though not as bad. I've lost my wallet, credit card, forgotten many things I was doing at work (and my boss has noticed!). It is much easier to forget something I would've never forgotten about before Nardil. I believe this is partly the gaba increase (or just general dose increase) and partly the lack of anxiety which would help me remember things short term but reduce my long term memory dramatically. I think fixing this situation is going involve a. adjusting to being less anxious and focusing more on little things b. waiting for the meds symptoms to decrease over time and c. possibly testing insomnia without l-theanine as I may very well already have plenty of gaba from Nardil alone. The thing that makes it difficult to stop is I know l-theanine increases human growth hormone and I want the most muscle gain possible.

NOTE: I also take half a high potency b complex in am and the other half in pm. This may be why I haven't experienced depression like some on nardil who do not take any b vitamins.

QUESTION 1: I have a bottle of 100mg b6 but I thought I remember reading that something ridiculous (2mg??) is the optimal dose... any advice on optimal b6 dosing? Again, I'm very perfectionist and thus would prefer a steady stream of b6 but I don't want to be taking TOO much. Just enough so my brain is neither depleted of b6, nor flooded with b6. Advice??

QUESTION 2: Does L-Dopa or any other supplement increase HGH as much as l-theanine without the increase in gaba? Thanks.