Major eye contact problem !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-15-2016, 08:35 AM Thread Starter
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Major eye contact problem !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Hello, I am desperate.

I don't know what happened to me, since 3-4 years my eye contact sucks. I have been all my life through trauma, ridiculed, etc. But now I have no more factors that would make me feel social anxious. Still, my eye contact sux as ****.

For some reason, I feel like my eyes are burning when I make eye contact, extremely unpleasant sensation... I didn't look much people in the eye since last month, I was simply looking a bit, then looking somewhere else. Then, I started looking people in the eye more and more... and now people are looking away / freaked out when I look them in the eye. Why is this happening ? is this some sort of hypnosis or this eye contact thingie is just too complex to me for understand ? why in the hell are people feeling unconfortable when I look them in the eye while we speak ?

I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO FIX THIS. I M TIRED OF IT. I FEEL AKWARD AND IDIOT. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG ?

I know I have very beautiful eyes, but I doubt this is the cause of it
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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-15-2016, 04:23 PM
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Hi,

I had eye contact issues for a long time (most of my life) but I've worked on it gradually. I still have issues but not too bad. It sucks though to keep feeling like you have to look away when talking to someone. I understand.

Anyways, just a guess, maybe since eye contact is on your mind you're sort of trying too hard (in addition to feeling unpleasant sensations) and not making natural eye contact if that makes sense? I don't mean any offense by that by the way. I've experienced it myself. Although, sometimes I just think people are looking at me in a negative way (due to social anxiety) when I make eye contact (causing me to look the other way) and other times I sort of look unnatural because I'm "trying" too hard and thinking too much about eye contact like I described. The anxiety I get can also make my eyes dry out and give me tunnel vision making me want to look away from the person I'm talking to (which doesn't go unnoticed).

I don't think your eye's should be burning though but you said it only happens when you make eye contact. It sounds like they are drying up (like mine) and giving the sensation of burning which could be due to some sort of anxious response. You could even have a condition called "dry eye" and the combination of that and some sort of anxious response drying them further could be causing the uncomfortable sensations during eye contact.

My opinion/advice is to try to see a therapist to help you work on maintaining eye contact without over thinking it and maybe even see a doctor too to rule out having "dry eye". I know you said you have no more factors that could contribute to making you feel social anxiety but sometimes these things are deeply ingrained/subtle and difficult to notice. That's what a trained professional is for.

Sorry you're dealing with this. It's frustrating, I know.
Hope something I said can help a bit.

"Hello, I'm Bob. Would you knock me out please? Just hit me in the face" - What about Bob
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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 02:50 AM Thread Starter
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No I don't get dry eye. It was a metaphor. I feel like it burns... heart up, palpitations, anxiety, etc. Because I`m afraid the other person will look away on get uncomfy.
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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 03:47 AM
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This was a good thread about eye contact exercises from a member here:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/...nts-it-903361/
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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 04:11 AM
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I don't know anyone who stares lovingly into the eyes of everyone they meet. Is this a real problem? I've also never had anyone tell me I'm not staring at their eyeballs like I'm supposed to.

The only people who really WANT you to make extensive eye contact with them in your day to day life are people who are actually TRYING to make you feel uncomfortable. 99% of everybody else would rather you didn't make love to their eyeballs.

/WYSD
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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 08:12 AM
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Look at their nose.
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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 10:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RandomGentleman View Post
Look at their nose.
Yeah, but not all the time. It's a good "resting spot" for your eyes, while not looking into the person's eyes.

---

People look away because prolonged eye contact, for no apparent reason, make people uncomfortable(perceived threatening behavior/too intimate). People also become uncomfortable if a person doesn't maintain eye contact at all(perceived rudeness/uninterest). It's all about finding a balance. Most people adjust to these hidden "rules" without thinking about it, but the problem is when you start to think about it. Since you already have a problem with this, it's probably best to just remember to change your gaze direction while talking. People are less likely to feel bothered by a continuous eye contact while it's their turn to speak, since that would indicate that you're paying attention to what they say. It might feel forced in the beginning, but I'm sure you'll find a balance with time(based on the reactions you'll see in people).

Ps. remember that they often might look away out of politeness(to avoid a "power struggle" of the eyes). It doesn't have to be that they're feeling threatened at all.

that's what she said
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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 10:41 AM Thread Starter
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This look at their nose doesnt work for me. I don't know when to look at them ! sometimes when I look at them / their nose, they tend to seem very unconfortable and look away. Or if I look at "their nose" I dont know how to break the contact properly
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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 10:50 AM
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Unless they're standing far enough away, I don't know if they wouldn't notice that you're looking at their nose. Had a cashier once looking at my eyebrows/forehead instead of my eyes, which I noticed and found weird.
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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 10:57 AM Thread Starter
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Could my eye contact problem be worsened because I have very attractive eyes ? i dont know but looking at the nose doesnt help, they still seem unconfy, it's either i look to much at their nose or i dont know
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post #11 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 11:04 AM
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Could my eye contact problem be worsened because I have very attractive eyes ?
the majority of humans seem to think about themselves their own eyes are pretty.
why does it scare you though to look at someone elses eyes with your very attractive eyes???
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post #12 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 11:08 AM Thread Starter
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Because people act weird after I make eye contact with them, not all. But most either seem intimidated, look away, seem unconfortable, etc. I don't know what I am doing wrong.
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post #13 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 11:19 AM
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I just keep eye contact when someone is talking and then after awhile I look away quickly, almost like I'm thinking about what they are saying, and then return back to the eyes. I have always had a problem of making eye contact, and hearing what people are saying at the same time. It's gotten a lot better though. As long as you aren't staring at them for a long period of time without looking away, no one will think much about it.



I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.- Frank Herbert
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post #14 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 11:45 AM Thread Starter
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For some reason what happens is that the persons that seem unconfy while I look at their eyes, tend to slow the conversation as they are speaking, like they are making bigger pause between words or their thoughts don't work proper anymore as something has drawn their attention at my face. (notice I have nothing on my face now, I look perfectly fine)
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post #15 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-19-2016, 05:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RandomGentleman View Post
Look at their nose.
I can't do this. I've tried. Unfortunately when I stare DIRECTLY AT SOMEONE'S NOSE everything else disappears and all I see is a nose in mid-air. And of course I can't endure more than a few seconds of contemplating the plain fact that THEIR NOSE IS A PLACE without laughing right in their face.

/WYSD
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post #16 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-31-2016, 03:54 AM Thread Starter
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I have this problem again, seems that my problem is not staring / looking away, but looking at someone's eyes at unproper times thru the discussion, and the person whom I am talking to, seems at disconfort while I do that and starts doing the same, looking at me in unproper times. It seems as she/he is doing it automatically, like copying my behaviour and it gets akward. Anyone been through this ? how can I fix it ? I look at people's eyes when I'm not supposed to ...... and it gets me so mad.
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post #17 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-31-2016, 04:13 AM
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@ocdlost
I have major eye contact issues too since forever. I cant even keep my eyes straight even if someone is looking at me, and during eye contacts my face starts making weird scary expressions and my eyes start rolling around and they hurt and I just cant do it. People are freaked out by this and noone ever approaches me, they are scared from me and I make them uncomfortable (cant blame them). So I know exactly what you are going through.
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post #18 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-31-2016, 05:48 AM
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My eyes keep going between their eyes and something next to their head to my left, and sometimes I have to put a bit of hair in front of my face so I feel hidden. I hope they don't notice, but they probably do. I can be happy, but eye contact makes me feel like I'm going to start crying for no reason unless it's with a baby or animal. It's sort of like they're trying to read my mind or are going to tell me bad news.

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post #19 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-31-2016, 08:53 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by xyz.unknown View Post
@ocdlost
I have major eye contact issues too since forever. I cant even keep my eyes straight even if someone is looking at me, and during eye contacts my face starts making weird scary expressions and my eyes start rolling around and they hurt and I just cant do it. People are freaked out by this and noone ever approaches me, they are scared from me and I make them uncomfortable (cant blame them). So I know exactly what you are going through.
What do you mean man ? I don't understand you. You lose control of your eyes ? this doesnt sound like something normal
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post #20 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-31-2016, 09:01 AM
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Red face

physical social contact lenses


zoom in / out

so many stare at ground whether walking or not

my eyes are auto focus

I can't stop gibbering until someone goes the other direction

feels were getting to end of 2016. Nothing's happened since December. Everything'll be the same til Xmas again
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