If you were dying, would you want you to visit? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #21 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-20-2019, 01:47 AM
Mr Bean Stig Soldier
 
twitchy666's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Berkshire
Language: ASCII, T-SQL
Gender: Male
Age: 42
Posts: 7,792
My Mood: Angry
you????

pertinent in which way? visit the dyer? or they come?

to/from where.. whom??? which time envelope? just those 3 basic parameters.

who goes where when? one appended parameter.. death state before, after, pending..?

You can involve a mix of.. who?? them? her? him? where? when? self..??

everyone?? anyone? ..?? one?

band about... drum the tribal beat??? U? U? say it again?? empty, null, meaningless... i suppose music! just trawl about, touching heads in a crowd? make the rhythm U U U !! U or use own finga to point at self??

human addiction obsession

U = human.. all.. one U U2? a person using this word is a zombie: U
use the word U .. not knowing who oneself is or where they are.. or.... ~~~~

keep it up. keep doing it eyes or ears? mind contains only this phrase : "U"
twitchy666 is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #22 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-20-2019, 04:58 AM
Tired
 
SplendidBob's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: UK
Language: English
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,083
Not sure if I would be down by being visited by a fully healthy, probably gloaty (knowing me) clone of me in my final hours.

But with this kind of thing, I reckon the reluctance is probably more avoidance than anything else. Sure, its going to be awkward, but awkwardness isn't actually going to bother anyone else. The person dying isn't going to be lying there thinking "he is awkward, idiot", they will be more "****, I am going to die".

I don't think its going to harm, realistically. And the other people who do go might find it massively disrespectful you didn't go. They might not see an anxious person not going they might see someone who "couldn't even be bothered to come even though x was dying". They might also find solace and comfort with others being there at a difficult time.

So basically, watch out for stealth avoidance. It's a difficult thing, so its probably that.

Definitely go if you can, imo.
SplendidBob is offline  
post #23 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-20-2019, 05:13 AM
Irreversibly Invisible
 
firestar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Gender: Female
Age: 31
Posts: 4,068
My Mood: Brooding
Quote:
Originally Posted by exceptionalfool View Post
Well, I assume I would know that I am beyond salvation and I'm leaving the world and I would probably be scared. Anybody who is empathetic or sympathetic would be better than nobody. We would share mortality as a common weakness. A common fate to which we are both averse and empathetic.

i guess therein lies the fear of dying alone.
It can be a double-edged sword. When my dad was dying, just one conversation could take a lot out of him. If I got there too late in the day, he would be disoriented and out of it because he'd already used up his energy on earlier visitors, who would often stop by without any warning. Trying to arrange to see him in his last days was pretty tough sometimes, and there were many days when I would stop by just to watch him sleep for a while.

I'm not saying this is everyone's situation (my dad had a lot of friends!), but in my case I found the constant stream of visitors to be burdensome.

An actual suffering strengthens,
As sinews do, with age.
firestar is online now  
post #24 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-20-2019, 08:37 AM Thread Starter
SAS's Chief Meteorologist
 
Maslow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Denver
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,291
I got out of it. She stated specifically that she wanted her children with her when she goes. Pfewwww.

I always run the risk of getting anxious and saying something inappropriate or acting weird in situations like this. By not going, that risk is eliminated. Some people might criticize me for not going, but they'd probably hate me and want me dead if I went and acted weird.

Loneliness is not about being alone; it's about not feeling connected.
Maslow is offline  
post #25 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-21-2019, 03:31 PM Thread Starter
SAS's Chief Meteorologist
 
Maslow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Denver
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,291
I went to see my mother-in-law this afternoon and was able to behave like a semi-normal person. I even made her laugh. And I didn't start blubbering until I got out of the room.

The world sucks.

Loneliness is not about being alone; it's about not feeling connected.
Maslow is offline  
post #26 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-22-2019, 03:54 PM
SAS Member
 
ShotInTheDark's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Lithuania
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Posts: 857
My Mood: Sleepy
No, I hate when someone pretends to be sorry for me and etc... The same goes for me. I don't like to see others in a very bad condition (not only dying), I can't think of anything to say or to do (as always). I'm useless at these situations as well as in anything else.

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
ShotInTheDark is offline  
post #27 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-22-2019, 06:58 PM Thread Starter
SAS's Chief Meteorologist
 
Maslow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Denver
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,291
This is a unique experience for me as I have never known anyone well who was dying. That's one of the advantages of not having friends and family for most of my life, I guess, if there are any advantages.

My mother-in-law is lucid, and she knows she's dying. Her body is failing. She'll probably die within a few hours after they take out the IV tube, which is going to be either tomorrow or Wednesday.

She's already given up. She stopped eating, she doesn't want to watch movies or anything on TV. It's the finality of it is what gets me. Once they disconnect life support, it's the end of her life. There are no do-overs.

I can see why people believe in an afterlife. There's no comfort in thinking that once you die, there's nothing.

Loneliness is not about being alone; it's about not feeling connected.
Maslow is offline  
post #28 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-22-2019, 08:17 PM
pirate
 
andy1984's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: chch
Language: english, silence
Gender: Non-binary
Age: 34
Posts: 5,717
My Mood: Amazed
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maslow View Post
This is a unique experience for me as I have never known anyone well who was dying. That's one of the advantages of not having friends and family for most of my life, I guess, if there are any advantages.

My mother-in-law is lucid, and she knows she's dying. Her body is failing. She'll probably die within a few hours after they take out the IV tube, which is going to be either tomorrow or Wednesday.

She's already given up. She stopped eating, she doesn't want to watch movies or anything on TV. It's the finality of it is what gets me. Once they disconnect life support, it's the end of her life. There are no do-overs.

I can see why people believe in an afterlife. There's no comfort in thinking that once you die, there's nothing.

i find it pretty comforting that its gonna be all over. wouldn't want to have to go through some big afterlife ordeal.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
andy1984 is offline  
post #29 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-22-2019, 11:22 PM
bipolar
 
harrison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 11,910
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maslow View Post
I went to see my mother-in-law this afternoon and was able to behave like a semi-normal person. I even made her laugh. And I didn't start blubbering until I got out of the room.

The world sucks.
I think it's great that you managed to get there mate, she probably appreciated it - so would your wife I'm sure.

Hope she doesn't have to suffer for long.
harrison is offline  
post #30 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-23-2019, 02:26 AM
Irreversibly Invisible
 
firestar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Gender: Female
Age: 31
Posts: 4,068
My Mood: Brooding
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maslow View Post
This is a unique experience for me as I have never known anyone well who was dying. That's one of the advantages of not having friends and family for most of my life, I guess, if there are any advantages.

My mother-in-law is lucid, and she knows she's dying. Her body is failing. She'll probably die within a few hours after they take out the IV tube, which is going to be either tomorrow or Wednesday.

She's already given up. She stopped eating, she doesn't want to watch movies or anything on TV. It's the finality of it is what gets me. Once they disconnect life support, it's the end of her life. There are no do-overs.

I can see why people believe in an afterlife. There's no comfort in thinking that once you die, there's nothing.
I've only been close to one person as they were dying. It's tough.

My dad wasn't lucid in the last week before he died, after the cancer reached his brain. Even when he was awake, he wasn't there. He could follow basic commands, but he wasn't capable of holding a conversation. I'm glad because it made it easier on him, but it was hard for everyone else to see him that way.

An actual suffering strengthens,
As sinews do, with age.
firestar is online now  
post #31 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-23-2019, 08:15 AM Thread Starter
SAS's Chief Meteorologist
 
Maslow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Denver
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,291
Quote:
Originally Posted by andy1984 View Post
i find it pretty comforting that its gonna be all over. wouldn't want to have to go through some big afterlife ordeal.
Yeah, I'd probably get anxious talking to St. Peter at the Pearly Gates and say something inappropriate, and then they'd send me to hell.

Quote:
Originally Posted by harrison View Post
I think it's great that you managed to get there mate, she probably appreciated it - so would your wife I'm sure.

Hope she doesn't have to suffer for long.
I'm glad I went. I would have regretted not going for the rest of my life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by firestar View Post
I've only been close to one person as they were dying. It's tough.

My dad wasn't lucid in the last week before he died, after the cancer reached his brain. Even when he was awake, he wasn't there. He could follow basic commands, but he wasn't capable of holding a conversation. I'm glad because it made it easier on him, but it was hard for everyone else to see him that way.
It must have been tough seeing your father in that state. My mother-in-law is all doped up on morphine, so she's probably not in any pain.

Loneliness is not about being alone; it's about not feeling connected.
Maslow is offline  
post #32 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-30-2019, 10:54 AM
I'm SFC01
 
D'avjo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Playing golf on the surface of V1bzz's belly
Gender: Male
Posts: 182
My Mood: Happy
My Dad died a few weeks back from mesothelioma (on my birthday too the git), although heavily sedated, he was still awake although completely delirious.


I wanted to be there with him when he went but I had to watch him struggle for breath for a while whilst he was still awake with eyes bulging, I wish I hadn't seen that to be honest.

Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in.
D'avjo is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Donald Trump demands to ride in Queen's gold-plated carriage during UK state visit VanDamMan Society & Culture 22 04-25-2017 02:23 PM
I am going to take my daughter to visit her mom in jail. Just have a few follow up d4660 Relationships 19 03-06-2017 12:51 PM
Should my daughter visit her mom in jail? Is there a benefit over phone calls? d4660 Relationships 21 01-19-2017 12:42 AM
FiancÚ's Parents Visit; Help! Fairyxo Coping With Social Anxiety 4 01-30-2009 11:59 AM
What is a psychiatrist visit like? JayJay Medication 21 06-03-2006 02:33 PM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome