I hate team meetings - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-12-2020, 06:07 PM Thread Starter
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I hate team meetings


My boss has asked me to travel to our head office (work from home) for a one on one meeting with him which I have no problem with but afterwards the IT department (10 co-workers) will be going to a restaurant for a working lunch meeting which I'm not looking forward to because I'm worried about my hands shaking uncontrollable when I reach for my drink or while I'm eating. I usually don't have to travel to head office for the team meeting (normally via Skype) however my boss boxed me into a corner. I'm temped to make some kind of excuse to get out of the team meeting and re-schedule the one on one meeting for Friday or have the one on one meeting and let my boss know that I'm not feeling well (upset stomach) and skip the lunch meeting. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-12-2020, 07:01 PM
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I had a "happy hour" yesterday. All people there were between 19 - 26 years old and they are nice people so far.
They chose a brewing place, since they all like beer. I don't like so much. I was not looking forward to going there but they texted me and I went there. I arrived late and planned just a quick conversation and then go home. The moment I got there, everyone seemed to change face expression. The conversation among they was normal until they asked me few questions. My answers triggred some joke about me and everyone was laughing about it. I wouldn't mind, since idgaf anymore. But it was cleary obvious the joke about me was reccurent when I am not around. This was annoying for me because I treat everyone with respect and I try to be friendly as possible. I work everyday with them and I never realized that I am a joke. Well, I am the oldest employee of the company. Been there for 4 years and they work there for about 2 years. I helped them from many bad situations and projects (we work with engineering, circuits boards, mechanical stuff and etc...)
Tomorrow I'll have to face them again and I don't have the same empathy anymore. I should have not went to this happy hour. I am not feeling angry or looking for revenge. On the another hand, I will not help anymore as I used to do before.
I usually find a excuse for this situations. This time I tried to change and came home sad.

Normally I say I have some freelance work to do or some another friend I gotta hang out with.
You could say you are not feeling well due to the travel I guess.

When I could not manage escaping those crap lunch meetings, I try to sit on the corner of the table, so I have just one person by my side and I sit next to someone I most relate to (someone nice and calm). For eating, I choose something easy to eat becuse I am clumsy lol. I always keep some questions in my mind that drive the attention off of me. I ask what they do and ask to tell about some work they did. To sum up, some sort of question that make people talk a lot and to each other but me lol
Those situations are not socially easy.

"Without the knowledge to lead so you just follow the sheep"
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-12-2020, 07:56 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks it's nice to chat with someone who has been in a similar situation. Unfortunately with my manager the lunch really will be an actual meeting where he will go around the table and ask for status updates on projects we are working and what we will be working on in the future and how to achieve our objectives. I'm a business analyst and my technical skills are limited. Some of my co-workers are web application designers, reporting specialist, programmer analyst, etc. so we all different skill levels and work on 3 different systems which is annoying when he talks about things that are over our heads. In any event I do have 2 long time co-workers who I'm close with but I don't like the fact that we are forced to use our personal time (lunch hour) to conduct a meeting. Also it takes me 1 1/2 to 2 hours each way to travel to the head office (2 subways and a long bus ride) so believe me by the time I finish the one on one meeting with him I truly will have an upset stomach and not be able to eat.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 08:56 PM
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The lunch sounds like a pain but necessary because people start hating you if you don't get involved. But it does suck getting singled out in front of a whole group of people when I already know they have their own agendas so I don't even bother deviating from a very simple and straightforward response to the topic, no extraneous explanations opening up the possibility for bullshi* debates. Anyways I hope the meeting goes well just keep things simple and productive!

@10k LOL I do the same thing! I always have an interesting or controversial topic in the back of my head to both get people around me engaged and talking so I don't have to!

Having SA feels like being a scratched up LP that keeps getting stuck at exactly 10 seconds into Track 02.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 03:56 PM
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@asittingducky is it effective, isn't it? I am think of making "The Hitchhiker's Guide to Anxiety"

"Without the knowledge to lead so you just follow the sheep"
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-23-2020, 09:21 PM
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Free food whoo!
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-24-2020, 03:54 AM
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Likely too late for it to matter for OP, but for future people in similar situations that stumble on this thread,

this seems like one of those situations where "you dodge the first bullet, there will be many more bullets that will follow, and you cannot dodge all of the subsequent ones, so you might as well take the first bullet head on which will be practice for you to take each gradual following bullets better each time around".

So in your case, you can only have so many upset stomachs before that excuse will not work for you anymore. As they will be more and more "team meetings" later in life and in your career.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.

If I fail to adapt to the fault of others, it is my fault.

Succinct is golden.
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