How Do You Cope With Online Harassment? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-12-2019, 09:45 AM Thread Starter
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How Do You Cope With Online Harassment?


Online interactions often times provides people with a safe veil of “amorphous anonymity”. Thus a lot of people with SA tend to loosen their inhibitions and become more social.

Moreover, under the guise of anonymity a lot of people unleash dark personality traits that have been restrained by their own personal inhibitions and they become bullies, trolls, spout bigoted points of view without fear of reprisal, etc...

But what happens when you’re at the receiving end of insults, indirect comments, negatively pigeon holed,etc...

Do you just brush off this interaction as irrelevant as it took place in a different plane of reality, like a dream?

Do you take a more proactive approach? As in fighting back or reporting that person?

Or are you like me who takes things personal? All the negative comments directed at you resonate and reinforce your negative views of yourself. Fighting back would be like covering the sun with your thumb. You cannot fight reality...

A few days ago I was having what I thought was a good day. So I decided to play Overwatch to pass the time. I got thrown into a very toxic and vocal team. Needles to say, I was insulted and called all kinds of things for not being “good enough”. I could have reported this person, I could have fought back, but instead I chose to be silent. When the game was over I shut down my pc, crawled into my bed and stared at the wall for the remainder of the day. All whilst playing that interaction over and over in my head....

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post #2 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-12-2019, 01:55 PM
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On here, it just doesn't seem to happen anymore. I remember in the olden days though my policy was something akin to "slap them as hard as you can to make sure they know it's going to cost them". These days I would just put them on my ignore list, though. Life is way too short.

I remember when I used to play online games though. I really used to struggle sometimes there, those kids can be horrifying. I think now I wouldn't so much feel the need to stand up for myself there. The urge to defend yourself kinda stems from a place of being vulnerable to being hurt. I am still probably very vulnerable to being hurt, but I wouldn't feel the urge to defend myself, because I understand that. I would probably just do something else, tbh.

If you are letting this stuff affect you that badly, where it affects the rest of the day, know that you just gave them a massive amount of power over you. You just gave people on the internet, kids probably, the capacity to literally tank your mood. I don't say this to be critical, i understand how this can happen, but it really really isn't worth it.

Find a less toxic game or hobby.

You can work on your capacity to tolerate stuff like this, but is it really worth it? It's like voluntarily going into a prison, getting the **** kicked out of you, and then spending months building muscle and learning combat skills to go back into the prison to be able to defend yourself. At the end of the day, meh, just stop going in the prison .

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post #3 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-12-2019, 03:12 PM
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Yeah, from the way my son used to carry on I think you need to be very aggressive sometimes playing those games. I'm sure it's all just part of the rough and tumble of things but if it upsets you like that then why bother doing it.

Do you have a few friends that you could play with that you know aren't going to be nasty? Otherwise, like Bob said - what's the point? Doesn't sound like much fun to me.
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post #4 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-12-2019, 03:24 PM
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Try to guess their real age... If they instantly will get even more mad, be sure, you've just guessed it...

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post #5 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-12-2019, 07:49 PM
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I can tell by your use of metaphors, etc that you’re a sensitive and deep person. And I don’t see online gaming as being a very supportive environment for that or for anything. Really I dont think there is any reason to spend time or energy on anything someone spews at you in that environment. Laugh it off and move on or don’t play at all.

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Try to guess their real age... If they instantly will get even more mad, be sure, you've just guessed it...
This is a good point- I bet they’re 12. Seriously pay them NO mind.

It'll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls, for the times they are a changing.
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post #6 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-12-2019, 08:28 PM
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I very rarely play multiplayer games anymore, when I do I mostly solo, and I barely touch social media anymore. This site, is the only place I exchange conversation with people on the Internet now, and you'll notice here few people respond to one another I have my webpage, but that is more so one way communication. I love the Internet for all of the information it provides, easy access to applications and games, it is a tool that is indispensable for me.. Socializing over it, has become more of a waste of time that leads only to frustration, depression, shock, and all of those other miserable feelings.. I haven't really been social on the Internet since around 2006, but back then it was smaller communities of people.

I don't deal with the behaviorism of people online very well, the hate, the vitriol, the absolute idiocy and inconsideration and far too often the ego involved with most people is just not worth it anymore.

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post #7 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-12-2019, 11:04 PM
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Are you playing with a headset/mic? I never did that except with people I knew and with text chat people have rarely bothered me in games including Overwatch which I played for a short while ages ago.

I've had a lot of arguments online with people but don't really consider that harassment. There have been a couple of people on this site though that have bothered me more consistently the main annoying one spent about a month making threads/posts about me about a year ago (like every single day and quoting/mentioning me at the same time so I'd have hundreds of notifications.) Also to the point where they were just disrupting the entire board.

Basically at that point there was nothing I could do, I normally don't need an excuse to retaliate online but in that case they're just a little bit too crazy to do that after a point. Like constant anger/hatred that's maintained consistently with no calming down over a long period of time. No idea when they would have stopped if left to their own devices. Eventually one of the admins found a creative way to make sure they didn't come back, they may yet come back at some stage.
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post #8 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-13-2019, 12:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
Are you playing with a headset/mic? I never did that except with people I knew and with text chat people have rarely bothered me in games including Overwatch which I played for a short while ages ago.

I've had a lot of arguments online with people but don't really consider that harassment. There have been a couple of people on this site though that have bothered me more consistently the main annoying one spent about a month making threads/posts about me about a year ago (like every single day and quoting/mentioning me at the same time so I'd have hundreds of notifications.) Also to the point where they were just disrupting the entire board.

Basically at that point there was nothing I could do, I normally don't need an excuse to retaliate online but in that case they're just a little bit too crazy to do that after a point. Like constant anger/hatred that's maintained consistently with no calming down over a long period of time. No idea when they would have stopped if left to their own devices. Eventually one of the admins found a creative way to make sure they didn't come back, they may yet come back at some stage.
I'm glad they found a way to stop her/him (don't know which) - that one was relentless.
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post #9 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-13-2019, 12:17 AM
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I just quit the match (or mute them) before they start going real hard. If I'm trying to have a good time, and if other people are making that impossible, it's not really worth taking a blow to my self-esteem. Games that have a more competitive quality like Overwatch seem bring out the worst in some people sometimes too, which sucks because I have a lot of desire to play games like that but a limited desire to deal with people who lack basic decency.

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post #10 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-13-2019, 12:20 AM
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Yeah. To me, the online gaming thing has always seemed like a really toxic thing. I don't know much about it but from what I've heard it sounds like a real nightmare for someone with SA type things going on. I would not choose something like that for social activity. Especially if it was my only form of social activity.

Mmm. Online harassment? I don't know if I've ever been actually harassed online to any great extent. Usually if someone is bothering me, I just exit. If there is a way to report them I generally do. If I'm even bothered by whatever they're doing. I will often just ignore it and wait for them to shift their focus to someone else.

Generally, the types of places I hang out have been moderated forums like this one and the mods are usually pretty good about responding to legitimate complaints. I think that if you have the ability to complain and you feel like someone will respond and help you out, you should. If you do that and receive no help from people who have the ability to help, it's probably not the best environment to be in anyway. Find something else that isn't like that.

/WYSD
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post #11 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-13-2019, 01:45 AM
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I ninja their @$$ with my black belt in passive aggressive sarcasm 😉 ....nobody really harass's me anymore tbh though 😞






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post #12 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-13-2019, 01:45 AM
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Quote:
Moreover, under the guise of anonymity a lot of people unleash dark personality traits that have been restrained by their own personal inhibitions and they become bullies, trolls, spout bigoted points of view without fear of reprisal, etc...

Use the realization of this which you already have, to not take seriously and block out any harassing and insulting comments and presence.


Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #13 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-13-2019, 09:47 AM
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I've cyberbullied lots of people in the past so I accept it and/or cyberbully them back lol.

I'm actually a huge kind of "maliciously compliant" person when I'm sucking at a game and get called out for it. Like *****? You think I suck now? Wait until I feed on purpose just to spite you. Lol.

Or like recently on old school Runescape, someone accused me of stealing their kills (how do you even steal kills in that game?! not possible) they got so butthurt that they called over their high level friend so that he could follow me around and "steal" my kills and ran to attack and kill any npc I was attacking. (It didn't really bother me, they weren't even picking up the loot or anything, and it saved the food in my inventory plus I was still gaining xp which is why it's impossible to steal kills since you get immediate xp on every hit). But since they were sooo obviously mad about it, he was like "stop stealing 'soandso's' kills and I'll stop", I was like ahaha no. I wasn't doing that before, but I damn well now. So I start following 'soandso' around and immediately attack any NPC he attacks, which leads to his friend doing the same, so basically I'm making his friend "steal his kills" and I'm having a great time because of how butthurt they are and how seriously they're taking this. Eventually his friend gives me thousands in gp and basically begs me to go away. LOL. I'm like fine, I accept it. Went to go train fishing and cooking instead since I was getting bored after a while anyway.

But yeah I'm that kinda person. Call me a *****? I'll show you what a ***** is. Call me bad? I'll show you bad. I'm not backing down.
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post #14 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-13-2019, 10:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by harrison View Post
I'm glad they found a way to stop her/him (don't know which) - that one was relentless.
Yeah think she was female, she made various accounts going as far back as at least 2013. It's hard to say though because she was so unstable. It seems like at a certain point she got bored with having her accounts deleted and kept coming back to roleplay as men that she dislikes. On at least one of her accounts she started sexually harassing female posters too. She might have been getting off on it based on what I know of her sexuality + her mental issues combined.

She got pissed at me though because I pointed out she was wrong about something in a thread she made, and then she noticed I'd made a thread that was related to porn and got even more pissed lol, so that's basically what happened there. But she was pissed off at me even before then because of stuff I'd posted about feminism and in particular the type of feminism she was into.
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post #15 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-13-2019, 12:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
Yeah think she was female, she made various accounts going as far back as at least 2013. It's hard to say though because she was so unstable. It seems like at a certain point she got bored with having her accounts deleted and kept coming back to roleplay as men that she dislikes. On at least one of her accounts she started sexually harassing female posters too. She might have been getting off on it based on what I know of her sexuality + her mental issues combined.

She got pissed at me though because I pointed out she was wrong about something in a thread she made, and then she noticed I'd made a thread that was related to porn and got even more pissed lol, so that's basically what happened there. But she was pissed off at me even before then because of stuff I'd posted about feminism and in particular the type of feminism she was into.
That was probably the worst episode I have seen in my 20 years online (both moderated and unmoderated). I have seen people go after one another in flame wars that lasted months or years but I have never seen one person so dedicated to going after a specific person like that. That was really bizarre.

/WYSD
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post #16 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-13-2019, 01:23 PM
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I just try to be honest. If they gave me a hard time for being bad at the game, I'd probably just acknowledge that I'm bad at the game (or bad compared to them) if it's the truth, and apologise for burdening the team.
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post #17 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-13-2019, 03:48 PM
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Originally Posted by WillYouStopDave View Post
That was probably the worst episode I have seen in my 20 years online (both moderated and unmoderated). I have seen people go after one another in flame wars that lasted months or years but I have never seen one person so dedicated to going after a specific person like that. That was really bizarre.
Yeah, maybe she was hoping I'd snap and kill her. Wrong continent though.

The idea that she was encouraging me to to kill myself is pretty funny, because if you come for me like that I'm going to want to kill myself less and the other person more.
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post #18 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-13-2019, 04:40 PM
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post #19 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-13-2019, 10:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
Yeah, maybe she was hoping I'd snap and kill her. Wrong continent though.

The idea that she was encouraging me to to kill myself is pretty funny, because if you come for me like that I'm going to want to kill myself less and the other person more.
Well hopefully the way she was stopped means she will never come back here, but you never know of course. TBH when that was going on, I was glad that she lives on the other side of the Atlantic, so was unlikely to get anywhere near you. She certainly struck me as having quite significant mental issues. The mods quite often used to get bursts of furious abuse on here, but it was always just bluster really. Though it could be very annoying/personally offensive, on occasions.

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post #20 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-14-2019, 03:26 AM
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Idk bc I don't play online games, but from what u described it sounds a bit like road-rage. Like, the whole environment/setting just puts ppl in a combative stance and makes them more prone to lash out than usual.

I guess this is why I don't join other forums and stuff. I am scared of ppl jumping down my throat when they disagree with me or just straight up shutting me out/ignoring me. Every time I get a pm/alert I automatically assume it's something bad, it's someone wanting to fight or insult me. I get this sense of dread with emails etc. too, but to a lesser extent.

Anyway. I feel like it would suck if u cant continue to play a game you really enjoy just because of a couple of dicks ruining all the fun.
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