how did your mental illness begin ? - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #41 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-02-2020, 01:21 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks a lot for that mate - yes, I can relate to your situation too. I think I just sort of take it one day at a time. Often I'll wake up feeling okay and then later I'll feel terrible, or like you say - it's almost like you feel good and bad at the same time. It's very strange but for the time being I'm okay.

Also I just started seeing this new psychiatrist - she put me straight onto Olanzipine. I'm not sure if I like it or not - it makes me pretty tired.

I'm glad your wife is like that - she sounds fantastic. My wife is actually like that too - even though we're separated now. If I needed her she would come straight away. It's good to have people in your life like that.

That's incredible your wife's a pharmacist like @EndTimes - must be very smart. And so are you if you can speak 3 languages.
my grandpa used to say , when he drew a picture of me in our house , he said nieto which means grandchild in spain you either enjoy now and suffer later or suffer now and enjoy later , i didnt know what that meant because i was too young , i said what , he laughed and said , i will explain it to you in 10 more years . i was 10 when he told me that
now im 25 , he was not able to tell me the meaning because he passed away ,im 25 now and i know the meaning now , i enjoyed everything at first , and now im suffering , i didnt know what that meant at first the only thing that i cared about at that age was candy or how a cartoon character can jump from one building to another , but now it makes all sense ,mate please keep fighting for your children and show the next generation that even if you have mentall illness you can still have a normal life , how often are you seeing your psychiatrist ?
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post #42 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-02-2020, 04:02 AM
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my grandpa used to say , when he drew a picture of me in our house , he said nieto which means grandchild in spain you either enjoy now and suffer later or suffer now and enjoy later , i didnt know what that meant because i was too young , i said what , he laughed and said , i will explain it to you in 10 more years . i was 10 when he told me that
now im 25 , he was not able to tell me the meaning because he passed away ,im 25 now and i know the meaning now , i enjoyed everything at first , and now im suffering , i didnt know what that meant at first the only thing that i cared about at that age was candy or how a cartoon character can jump from one building to another , but now it makes all sense ,mate please keep fighting for your children and show the next generation that even if you have mentall illness you can still have a normal life , how often are you seeing your psychiatrist ?
I see her again in a week. She seems nice - which is a relief. Some of the ones I've seen in the past weren't so good, but I have a good feeling about this lady. She's younger and easy to talk to.

That's true what your Grandpa said, and it's good you've already learnt it. I was much more careless at your age - actually for a very long time, often just doing what I wanted. But I'm getting a bit more sensible now. It's about time.
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post #43 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-02-2020, 05:05 PM Thread Starter
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I see her again in a week. She seems nice - which is a relief. Some of the ones I've seen in the past weren't so good, but I have a good feeling about this lady. She's younger and easy to talk to.

That's true what your Grandpa said, and it's good you've already learnt it. I was much more careless at your age - actually for a very long time, often just doing what I wanted. But I'm getting a bit more sensible now. It's about time.
thats great if you see her more often , i should do the same and meet her more than just a week , i have a new psychiatrist , it changes every 2 years but shes cool
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post #44 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-02-2020, 10:41 PM
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School...

Even though I think I had it all my life, it looks like biggest thing was school that made everything so bad to me, I feel like I'm really messed up like that because of school... I learned very little, but it left me totally broken instead.

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #45 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-04-2020, 10:52 PM
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Which Mental Illness?

For the sake of responding I will go with Social Anxiety. Which I would say was caused by a series of unfortunate events that in turn caused my personality to devolve into an inevitable state.

I have never opened up about this here but I will this time...

You see, I was born to a well to do family. While my family was well off we were never vulgarly ostentatious and we certainly never flaunted our position. A far cry from those rich kids of Instagram (my family isn't as rich anyway...more like upper middle class/lower rich class if you catch my drift). We were nonetheless well connected and consequentially (and unfortunate for me) very social.

From time to time my parents would host big gatherings that would include: business partners, company employees, equally well off family members, famous book authors, ambassadors , foreign diplomats, we had a senator one time, Catholic clergy, etc... my parents were very uptight about the way that my sister and I should appear to the guests. Everything from the way we were dressed , wore our hair and even what we said was crafted by our mother. That's right! Even though we were both children we were given scripts to speak to the guests by our parents. We would be severely punished for not acting accordingly. So in my developing mind I equated social interactions with fakeness.

Needless to say I grew very weary of social gatherings. As I was expected to be perfect all the time. It is one thing to vociferously act like a brat but having to act like a piece of decor that spouts the thoughts of other people is something completely different. The pressure was incredible. Being myself was shunned upon. Also a lot of these guests would have children of their own and they would have brag to my parents about all their accomplishments: fancy schools, athletics, teen beauty pageants, etc... My father in particular would bring that up in private in a very condescending way in order to push me to be more like "the other kids". I could never live up to those standards. This is how my self hatred started.

This is what a social gathering signifies to normal people:



But for me every social gathering is Verdun 1916:



Total war! Imagine being forced to navigate through a terrain littered with mines while bombs are falling left and right and you have this impending feeling that sooner or later something is going to hit you and maim you for the rest of your life.

This is why I have anxiety.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Of course there is more to my SA than this . But I would say that it is one of the most significant factors.

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I exist on the best terms I can
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post #46 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-05-2020, 01:04 AM
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I started feeling apart from people when I was 4 or 5. I remember losing a toy truck and going to my friends apartment nearby looking for it. Her mom or dad opened the door and I went in. I don’t remember saying a word but I saw a truck on the floor and I remember going and grabbing it and running out. When I got home I realized the toy wasn’t quite the same as the one I had lost. I felt so embarrassed of stealing her toy. I don’t think I ever returned it and certainly don’t remember playing with her again as I had a deep sense of shame about it. I think before this I never felt shy around other children but after, I really was more timid.
Later when my brother was born and later diagnosed with autism, I soon found that the other kids would make fun of the way he acted when mom picked me up from school. I only had one friend who seemed to understand the situation and I’d invite to my house. Nobody else. I once tried to make friends with another boy at school and I wanted to spend the night at his house but his mom didn’t seem to want me. I remember asking if “Mike” could come to my house but she didn’t let that happen either. After that I never bothered to ask any schoolmate to socialize outside of school. I guess in my whole life I’ve only visited the houses of 4 or 5 people I considered friends. Now those people are all dead or far away. My parents are dead and I only talk to a few relatives on occasion.
Gee. This sounds so bleak. I try to act happy and I’m not depressed. I’m just resigned to my situation.
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post #47 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-05-2020, 05:26 AM
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You see, I was born to a well to do family. While my family was well off we were never vulgarly ostentatious and we certainly never flaunted our position. A far cry from those rich kids of Instagram (my family isn't as rich anyway...more like upper middle class/lower rich class if you catch my drift). We were nonetheless well connected and consequentially (and unfortunate for me) very social.

From time to time my parents would host big gatherings that would include: business partners, company employees, equally well off family members, famous book authors, ambassadors , foreign diplomats, we had a senator one time, Catholic clergy, etc... my parents were very uptight about the way that my sister and I should appear to the guests. Everything from the way we were dressed , wore our hair and even what we said was crafted by our mother. That's right! Even though we were both children we were given scripts to speak to the guests by our parents. We would be severely punished for not acting accordingly. So in my developing mind I equated social interactions with fakeness.

Needless to say I grew very weary of social gatherings. As I was expected to be perfect all the time. It is one thing to vociferously act like a brat but having to act like a piece of decor that spouts the thoughts of other people is something completely different. The pressure was incredible. Being myself was shunned upon. Also a lot of these guests would have children of their own and they would have brag to my parents about all their accomplishments: fancy schools, athletics, teen beauty pageants, etc... My father in particular would bring that up in private in a very condescending way in order to push me to be more like "the other kids". I could never live up to those standards. This is how my self hatred started.
This reminds me of a blog post I read a while back:

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I’m thinking of a homestuck 13 year old who is constantly told that he/she is “so mature” for getting straight A’s and being well-spoken with the dinner guests and not ditching class to smoke brick weed with Devin. Whether or not those behaviors are good, the kid isn’t mature, he or she is well-trained, and if you keep claiming maturity then you are going to stunt development. Sorry: not having an adolescent rebellion means you didn’t complete adolescence. The result is neotenous adults who are not overly sensitive—as conservative media would claim—but rather overly dependent on external rules. Cards Against Humanity is so funny, right? You get to say bad words, but it’s only a game.
https://tinyurl.com/rld4j5l

(If an admin of this forum is reading this post I still think it's ridiculous that you don't allow tumblr links at all, and as you can see there is no point attempting to stop people posting them when using tinyurl gets around it.)

A lot of well off families seem very Machiavellian like Katie Hopkins (fast life strategy as well I guess,) talking about how she won't let her children play with people with certain names. Everything has to be very tightly controlled. I imagine it leads to many children with schizoid personality disorder (among other disorders,) since controlling behaviour is often a big precursor to that.

https://www.quora.com/How-were-peopl...em-as-children

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Common childhood themes among people with SPD:

They were sent the message that they could not trust their parents to respect their physical and emotional boundaries which were often violated in various ways by their parents and/or other adults in their childhood

They did not feel safe with their family, emotionally and/or physically
They were often sent the message over and over again that they were not entitled to have their own individual feelings and experience, and that they should feel exactly as their parents felt, or told them to feel
They often felt trapped in the situation, and learned to disassociate from the situations and their feelings in order to cope by emotionally escaping the experience
They often felt that their emotions, (and the emotions of others), were extremely scary and overwhelming, and learned to avoid them if at all possible
They learned that intimacy would likely lead to them be intruded on or violated in some way, or to being hurt further
They felt that they had no control over the situation, or means to protect themselves from it

As a result, they often experience the following as an adult:

Difficulties with trust and intimacy (might be physical and/or emotional)
Often have difficulty experiencing what their feelings are due to habitually disconnecting from them
Struggles with wanting to be in control, or feeling controlled by others
Difficulties with empathy (as it was rarely shown to them in their childhood)
Difficulties with object constancy (maintaining positive emotional ties to others when their schizoid issues are triggered) and splitting (seeing others as either all good or all bad)
Often seeing situations concretely as someone is usually “right” or “wrong”, either being in control or feeling controlled etc.
Have difficulties negotiating differences in relationships and often feel that they have to stay and “take it” or leave completely

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Originally Posted by YouTube comment
Yet another man lost to irony poisoning, cynicism, hyper-self awareness and the inability to be sincere.

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post #48 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-06-2020, 08:13 AM
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I was never socialized enough as a child by my parents and they never allowed parties at my home. Now as an adult I am not comfortable with people coming into my home which has greatly affected my social life.

Another thing that happened was sometime during puberty I noticed communication, especially between the opposite sexes, was getting a lot more nuanced and complicated. I tried to keep up but would more than often put my foot in my mouth or make a fool of myself. Eventually I stopped trying to initiate new relationships and would only speak if spoken to unless I knew the other person really well. I've been socially/developmentally stunted ever since.

It's a shame as people tell me I am very likable, but I just won't let anyone past a certain point. I like talking to people about hobbies and things but when things start getting really personal and people want to start going round my home to watch a movie or me go round theirs for dinner etc I panic and ghost them. If I can't ghost them I make up an excuse. At first there is a sense of relief but then once the panic is gone I'm like "WTF have I just done? I just had a chance to gain a really good friend or even a girlfriend there and I went and self sabotaged it!".

I think there is a way out of my situation, it's just going to involve getting out of my comfort zone more often and being willing to expose more of my private life, thoughts and feelings with people.
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post #49 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-06-2020, 11:41 AM
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I don't think I have a mental illness, which is weird considering how odd I am. I used to be really interested in finding out what was wrong with me, and try to diagnose myself - I just never fit any of the various disorders out there outside of social anxiety. Perhaps if mental illnesses were more like a buffet, I took a serving from a few different meals I think people would probably describe me as they would a schizoid, but I enjoy being around my family, I miss when they are gone, insults do hurt me, I don't like being praised as it puts me in the spotlight, I'm not asexual, I have a very rich set of emotions, empathy, and so on.

I don't see social anxiety as a mental illness, so in my mind, that doesn't really count. As far as feeling anxious around people, that originated from a young age - not due to trauma but instead through observation of how people in general behave. I can also read expressions incredibly well, I can get a general feel for how people are feeling, just a quick glance at their body language and facial expression and I get a very strong vibe of what they are feeling, that is not a really good talent to have - because people can be pretty miserable When people look at me, in general, I sometimes get "the look", you know, the one you don't want people to give you. I find that to be the reason I don't like looking people in the eyes or even looking at people, more so than anything.

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post #50 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-06-2020, 11:49 AM
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I don't think I have a mental illness, which is weird considering how odd I am. I used to be really interested in finding out what was wrong with me, and try to diagnose myself - I just never fit any of the various disorders out there outside of social anxiety. Perhaps if mental illnesses were more like a buffet, I took a serving from a few different meals I think people would probably describe me as they would a schizoid, but I enjoy being around my family, I miss when they are gone, insults do hurt me, I don't like being praised as it puts me in the spotlight, I'm not asexual, I have a very rich set of emotions, empathy, and so on.

I don't see social anxiety as a mental illness, so in my mind, that doesn't really count. As far as feeling anxious around people, that originated from a young age - not due to trauma but instead through observation of how people in general behave. I can also read expressions incredibly well, I can get a general feel for how people are feeling, just a quick glance at their body language and facial expression and I get a very strong vibe of what they are feeling, that is not a really good talent to have - because people can be pretty miserable When people look at me, in general, I sometimes get "the look", you know, the one you don't want people to give you. I find that to be the reason I don't like looking people in the eyes or even looking at people, more so than anything.
Interesting perspective mate. And I often think that's what some people tend to actually do - treat mental illness like it's a "buffet." Some of them are just itching to have a legitimate mental illness.

I know I have one - now anyway. I didn't believe them for a long time. But the weird things my brain seems to be able to do all on it's own now is fairly conclusive. (also a bit disturbing of course)

Interesting what you say about being able to read people too. I've always thought I could read people very quickly too - but maybe I haven't had as many negative reactions as you, I don't know. With me it's often like there's a battle going on in my head - I feel like I'm actually okay but in reality I'm a bit of a mess.
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post #51 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-06-2020, 06:14 PM
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I think I was mostly born that way, but also since back in kindergarten everyone would pick on me so I decided to stop socializing.
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post #52 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-07-2020, 09:46 AM
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Interesting perspective mate. And I often think that's what some people tend to actually do - treat mental illness like it's a "buffet." Some of them are just itching to have a legitimate mental illness.

I know I have one - now anyway. I didn't believe them for a long time. But the weird things my brain seems to be able to do all on it's own now is fairly conclusive. (also a bit disturbing of course)

Interesting what you say about being able to read people too. I've always thought I could read people very quickly too - but maybe I haven't had as many negative reactions as you, I don't know. With me it's often like there's a battle going on in my head - I feel like I'm actually okay but in reality I'm a bit of a mess.

I think my problem is, that I don't give off a good impression and it is likely that is the reason I get the looks I do. Plus, I really don't want to belong so that goes a long way. It is actually kind of funny, when starting a new job I will receive a lot of looks I don't really appreciate, but with time people tend to soften and I am accepted. I notice they do the same thing with other strangers as well.

When I worked at a call center, it would be so strange. We would get new hires, and I would go out of my way to accommodate them and make them feel welcomed. Due to this, I was usually assigned to train new hires. The rest of the group would be standoffish, some would talk behind their backs. They would be put in a vulnerable state for a week or two, but eventually the group would accept them. The thing I found disappointing, was eventually as the people I had trained were embraced by the work group, they eventually would become mean toward new hires. I also found it strange, that they would get so upset at the callers, who did not know how to do something. The strange part is, only a few weeks ago - that coworker did not know how to do it as well, now that it was known, they expected everyone would know it.


As far as people go, we are all a mess Harrison.

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post #53 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-08-2020, 10:33 AM
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Being bullied as a child by my brother, emotionally neglected by my mother and hanging out with toxic people as a young teenager.


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post #54 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 03:53 PM
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Hard to say, really. I can actually remember not being anxious. Growing up in pretty dysfunctional family, nothing changed to this day. Bullied at school due being mixed race, so I stood out from the crowd. Family argued most of time, particularly my older sisters. My mother neglected me emotionally and has been quite cold and distant towards me over the years. Aside from school, I was bullied at home by my cousins and sisters. Being the youngest, I had little choice but to tolerate since my saying, “That’s no funny” was to get a sense of humour.

From ages 14 to 18, the recurring “joke” from my mother and sister was: “All men are useless, aren’t they Graeme?” Except my mother actually genuinely believed that first part of that question. As I found out when I made the mistake of telling my mother about this girl, who was just in the year below me at my secondary school and had a crush on me. Natively thinking this would get the usual, “Awww.... someone got a girlfriend” teasing reaction you’d expect from a parent of a teenager. But, no, this triggered a f__kin’ tsunami of hatred and bitterness. And lengthy tangent about how relationships were pointless, and how my mother was glad to not have a man in life — the irony.. Not exactly the normal reaction one would expect, but then my family is hardly what ye would call normal...

As well as that, during this 4 year period, my mother also told me to, “Trust naebuddy, except yer family! Naebuddy!”. My oldest sibling made the same joke about my appearance, as apparently me saying:

“Aye, very funny” in a clearly sarcastic, deadpan tone o’ voice was taken to mean I approved of having to hear the same joke every time my beard got to a certain length.

And it just got worse from there, really. The depression, insecurity, the loneliness, anxiety... the fear of how people will react. Since I’d gotten so used to being snapped at by my family whenever I asked a simple question. Then, of course, when I finally opened up to my family, age 16, my older sister said I was just faking for attention, and my mother said that I should just kill myself if I was feeling so depressed.

And I haven’t opened up to a family member about my depression and anxiety struggles since that day. As I don’t know if they’re asking how I am from a place of genuine concern or just want something to gossip about behind my back. In fact, I haven’t really felt at ease enough to socialise with my family. Weirdly enough, my earliest childhood memory just so happens to be me watching my sisters arguing with each other on the last day of a family holiday we all went on with our mum.
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post #55 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-14-2020, 07:00 AM
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post #56 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-14-2020, 08:48 AM
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I've been anxious pretty much all my life. It only started to be problematic in my early-mid teens I guess. I've been drifting further away from people ever since.

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I was born into a culture in which mental illness, for a person such as myself, is an almost inevitable outcome. Combine cultural intolerance, and the violent bullying that went along with it, with a genetic predisposition for illness and it seems unlikely I could have avoided it, no matter what I did.
^ This is a big part of it for me too. Though I've always been good at avoiding direct bullying because I can hide myself well enough. I have lost my ability to connect with people over the years though, and maybe even the ability to be completely honest with anyone. I generally view other people as an emotional threat. And I've lost most desire for genuine self-expression over the years, and I just try to give people what they want to see in me, if I have to interact with them, and avoid them altogether whenever that's possible.

I don't know what being 'cured' would be like for me, because I'm not even sure what I want in life aside from avoiding the most immediate pains. It makes therapy so frustrating to me, because I can never answer the "what do you want?" question.

People are too cruel for me to ever be happy. I want people to be less cruel. But I can't change humanity (and I think the cruelty is a fundamental part of being human), so there's really nothing reasonable for me to want, other than a less painful existence till death.

I don't feel as much guilt as I used to though, because I'm pretty sure a lot of the cruelty isn't justified, and could be removed in a perfect world without extra resources. So, I'm not really convinced it's my problem for being too sensitive to injustice.

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post #57 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-14-2020, 10:47 AM
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^ This is a big part of it for me too. Though I've always been good at avoiding direct bullying because I can hide myself well enough. I have lost my ability to connect with people over the years though, and maybe even the ability to be completely honest with anyone. I generally view other people as an emotional threat. And I've lost most desire for genuine self-expression over the years, and I just try to give people what they want to see in me, if I have to interact with them, and avoid them altogether whenever that's possible.
I think our culture cultivates a lot of attitudes that inevitably lead to illness in a lot of people.

I wasn't very good at hiding when I was younger. Tbh, I always resented people's expectations so strongly that, when I was in hs, I actively flaunted norms in a lot of ways. (I've always been anti-authoritarian.) I grew my hair too long, dressed weird, acted weird, had weird interests. I liked that it bugged people. I never went so far as to come out (that would have been suicide) but it's not really any surprise that so many people hated me and assumed I was queer.

Several years of bullying taught me the value of prudence, so I toned down a lot, conformed a lot more, and then spent most of the rest of my life living more or less the way you are now. But inauthenticity became too painful for me. It leads to sickness. So at this point, I'd rather be dead than keep pretending to be something I'm not. I live in more external fear now, but feel healthier than I used to.

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I don't know what being 'cured' would be like for me, because I'm not even sure what I want in life aside from avoiding the most immediate pains. It makes therapy so frustrating to me, because I can never answer the "what do you want?" question.
I've always been able to answer that. I can give you a long list of wants, lol. My problem has always been the apparent impossibility of achieving any of them. It leads to massive amounts of frustration.

Quote:
People are too cruel for me to ever be happy. I want people to be less cruel. But I can't change humanity (and I think the cruelty is a fundamental part of being human), so there's really nothing reasonable for me to want, other than a less painful existence till death.

I don't feel as much guilt as I used to though, because I'm pretty sure a lot of the cruelty isn't justified, and could be removed in a perfect world without extra resources. So, I'm not really convinced it's my problem for being too sensitive to injustice.
There is a lot of cruelty, and some people are always going to be cruel, but not everyone is equally cruel. There are genuinely kind, caring people in the world. You need to find some way to avoid the cruel people and associate with the kind people. It makes a big difference.

I don't think being sensitive to injustice is ever bad. I'm pretty sensitive myself. The problem is that other people aren't sensitive enough. I have yet to be convinced that people should be less sensitive. Less sensitive, why? So that other people can continue to be insensitive. Everyone who demands that is just looking to excuse themselves. "Be less sensitive so that I don't have to be sensitive." I reject that proposition categorically. Insensitive people are the problem. Those are the people who make the world unlivable for everyone else.

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post #58 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-14-2020, 12:15 PM
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I think our culture cultivates a lot of attitudes that inevitably lead to illness in a lot of people.

I wasn't very good at hiding when I was younger. Tbh, I always resented people's expectations so strongly that, when I was in hs, I actively flaunted norms in a lot of ways. (I've always been anti-authoritarian.) I grew my hair too long, dressed weird, acted weird, had weird interests. I liked that it bugged people. I never went so far as to come out (that would have been suicide) but it's not really any surprise that so many people hated me and assumed I was queer.

Several years of bullying taught me the value of prudence, so I toned down a lot, conformed a lot more, and then spent most of the rest of my life living more or less the way you are now. But inauthenticity became too painful for me. It leads to sickness. So at this point, I'd rather be dead than keep pretending to be something I'm not. I live in more external fear now, but feel healthier than I used to.
Hm, I'm not even sure what being authentic would be like at this point, since I don't really interact with people that much. And any free time I get away from work I just fill with distractions.

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I've always been able to answer that. I can give you a long list of wants, lol. My problem has always been the apparent impossibility of achieving any of them. It leads to massive amounts of frustration.
I want to be reborn in a different place, does that count?

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There is a lot of cruelty, and some people are always going to be cruel, but not everyone is equally cruel. There are genuinely kind, caring people in the world. You need to find some way to avoid the cruel people and associate with the kind people. It makes a big difference.
Cruelty is very selective. My mom is probably the person that's done the most kindness to me, but she's incredibly cruel towards my sister for some reason. I try not to show any vulnerability to other people, because in the past no one's ever known what to do with it.

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I don't think being sensitive to injustice is ever bad. I'm pretty sensitive myself. The problem is that other people aren't sensitive enough. I have yet to be convinced that people should be less sensitive. Less sensitive, why? So that other people can continue to be insensitive. Everyone who demands that is just looking to excuse themselves. "Be less sensitive so that I don't have to be sensitive." I reject that proposition categorically. Insensitive people are the problem. Those are the people who make the world unlivable for everyone else.
I cannot change how people think. And even if it does change in the long term, I won't be around to benefit from it.
Believing everyone is cruel may not be fully accurate, but it sort of forces me to have thick skin and low expectations.

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post #59 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-14-2020, 12:33 PM
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Cruelty is very selective. My mom is probably the person that's done the most kindness to me, but she's incredibly cruel towards my sister for some reason. I try not to show any vulnerability to other people, because in the past no one's ever known what to do with it.
I think there are certain cultural environments where people favour sons over daughters. Females are also more likely to be born in poor environments sadly:

http://nautil.us/issue/13/symmetry/s...ke-you-liberal

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While circulating blood glucose is one likely mechanism that affects sex ratios in response to the environment, it is probably not the only one. A growing literature shows that stressful events like natural disasters and political upheavals also affect sex ratios, even in humans. Florencia Torche, for example, found that exposure to an earthquake in Chile during the third month of pregnancy led to a reduction in the number of males born. (This is shocking because it is very late in the pregnancy as compared to the research on the blastula stage.) Other researchers are studying the effects of 9/11 on the sex ratio. So far, evidence is mixed. Ralph Catalano and colleagues found that there was disproportionate male fetal loss among New Yorkers (and, strangely, Californians). Meanwhile, Ryan Brown of Duke University finds no effect using a slightly different sample. And, in perhaps the most troubling study, Amar Hamoudi and Jenna Nobles found that high conflict marriages lead to the birth of more girls.
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Some background: In the absence of major trauma or modern technologies, the sex ratio slightly favors boys. The reason for this is generally thought to be that the male sperm has an advantage over the female sperm because the amount of genetic material that the male sperm is carrying weighs less. That’s because the Y-chromosome has dwindled down to almost nothing, while the X is huge. Whatever the reason, the natural course of events seems to favor the birth of boys.

But, since we live in a sexist world, many parents prefer male heirs. The most extreme case of this can be found in East Asia, particularly under China’s one-child policy, where there is no second chance for a male heir. But even American parents betray sexist preferences: Recent analysis of Google searches shows that there are more searches on how to have a boy than there are on how to have a girl.
(I would assume this is slightly reversed among certain groups of Western people who despise males.)

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Having influenced the gender of our children, consciously or not, we find that the conversation is not over. The data are telling us that the gender of our offspring has enormous consequences. Whether we have a son or a daughter affects our lives in ways that we may not care to admit: from our politics (sons make us more liberal and daughters drive us to the Republican Party, in the United States2 if not in Europe) to our family structure (for better or worse, sons make our marriages last longer than do daughters—though daughters may be more the effect of divorce than its cause3,4) to our happiness (dads with adolescent sons are the least happy parents of all5).

In the U.S., University of Kansas sociologist Emily Rauscher and I looked at the gender of the first-born (biological) child among respondents in the General Social Survey—an annual study out of the University of Chicago that is kind of like the Nielsen for social science. We focused on the first-born child since folks with specific gender preferences might stop having kids (or have more) based on the first draw. We also excluded families with step or adopted kids, since these are chosen and not dealt randomly to parents.

We found that—contrary to prior studies, which failed to exclude non-biological children—sons, not daughters, made parents (of both sexes) more liberal and more likely to vote Democratic. Curiously, while daughters made parents more Republican, they also made them more pro-choice. When we dug deeper, we found that the only issues on which the gender of offspring affected parental opinion were related to sexuality. Other partisan debates—guns, foreign policy, taxes, immigration, welfare, and so on—were unaffected. And while daughters caused parents to adopt more conservative views toward sexuality, they paradoxically made them more pro-choice. Or perhaps it isn’t so paradoxical but really just rational: Given that the costs of teenage, premarital childbearing are disproportionately born by the mother, parents of girls might prefer a more chaste sexual landscape and yet also prefer abortion to be legal just in case.
I don't know whether your sister is rebellious in some way, but women also tend to spend a lot of time policing women's behaviour. You say that you just adopt the persona of whatever the people around you want you to adopt (that's schizoid/avoidant personality development btw,) which might make your mum like you more. I don't know what your family dynamic is like but you probably developed that tendency as a coping mechanism in the first place.

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post #60 of 72 (permalink) Old 02-14-2020, 01:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post

I think there are certain cultural environments where people favour sons over daughters. Females are also more likely to be born in poor environments sadly:
While circulating blood glucose is one likely mechanism that affects sex ratios in response to the environment, it is probably not the only one. A growing literature shows that stressful events like natural disasters and political upheavals also affect sex ratios, even in humans. Florencia Torche, for example, found that exposure to an earthquake in Chile during the third month of pregnancy led to a reduction in the number of males born.
Well if you think about it, in nature under adverse conditions, its probably better to have more females, cause 1 male can impregnate lots of females promoting species survival.






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Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
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