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-   -   how did your mental illness begin ? (https://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f24/how-did-your-mental-illness-begin-2230531/)

jesus alejandro 01-30-2020 09:57 PM

how did your mental illness begin ?
 
feel free to answer , i would like to tell my story how it started

my story started when i was playing soccer in spain , i love playing soccer , my wife and son were watching me play one night and my son was so happy seeing me score a goal , that he ran to the streets to let other people know that i score a goal , so i saw him run to the streets , and was in fear i immediately ranand jump over the fences ,


while my trainer said where are you going jesus , my wife was too slow to catch him , i ran the car came and i made it in time , pushed my son away and got hit by the car , my soccer career was over because i was in a comma for 1 months , and i was diagnosed with depersonalization , after i panicked in one of those games in my recovery and started to push my teamates away , but i didnt know that i had it until it happened in the mall , when i pushed them away

they knew that it was because of the comma and brought me to the hospital , i was very sad , bit because i like it so much , long story short , the doctor said i cant play anymore until i get better , i got better but lost all the desire of playing again because i took such a long break , now i go all over in schools sharing my story and telling the kids to stay safe i make a living like this and i am a speaker now , i just hope that my sons dont get this , but im happy that they got my back

WillYouStopDave 01-30-2020 10:06 PM

It's a pretty boring and altogether obvious story, really. You could probably guess it if you tried. One day in 1973 I was born and there it is.

jesus alejandro 01-30-2020 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WillYouStopDave (Post 1093876505)
It's a pretty boring and altogether obvious story, really. You could probably guess it if you tried. One day in 1973 I was born and there it is.

you sound angry , did i hurt you in anyway , this is how it happened , so you was born with yours ?

WillYouStopDave 01-30-2020 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesus alejandro (Post 1093876507)
you sound angry , did i hurt you in anyway , this is how it happened , so you was born with yours ?

I just gave the most concise answer I have.

harrison 01-30-2020 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesus alejandro (Post 1093876499)
feel free to answer , i would like to tell my story how it started

my story started when i was playing soccer in spain , i love playing soccer , my wife and son were watching me play one night and my son was so happy seeing me score a goal , that he ran to the streets to let other people know that i score a goal , so i saw him run to the streets , and was in fear i immediately ranand jump over the fences ,


while my trainer said where are you going jesus , my wife was too slow to catch him , i ran the car came and i made it in time , pushed my son away and got hit by the car , my soccer career was over because i was in a comma for 1 months , and i was diagnosed with depersonalization , after i panicked in one of those games in my recovery and started to push my teamates away , but i didnt know that i had it until it happened in the mall , when i pushed them away

they knew that it was because of the comma and brought me to the hospital , i was very sad , bit because i like it so much , long story short , the doctor said i cant play anymore until i get better , i got better but lost all the desire of playing again because i took such a long break , now i go all over in schools sharing my story and telling the kids to stay safe i make a living like this and i am a speaker now , i just hope that my sons dont get this , but im happy that they got my back

That's a very sad situation mate - isn't it strange how an accident can cause these mental health problems? One thing which is good, (actually 2 things) - your son is safe, and you're still here. :) Does it affect you in any other way apart from this depersonalisation? I've heard of that but I don't think I understand it.

I think my anxiety started when I was about 15 or 16 - but it wasn't so bad that I couldn't function. And it wasn't like a lot of the young guys on here - I still could have normal relationships etc and I could go to work.

It's become much worse now I'm older though - I don't know if the antidepressants they gave me about 12 years ago started it or whether it was there all along - but I certainly have a serious problem now with the bipolar. It makes me very unstable and it's difficult to deal with.

Edit: the situation with my mental health got worse, not the anxiety)

Tetragammon 01-30-2020 10:53 PM

It was a string of unfortunate circumstances and events, I think.

First off, I'm pretty sure I was born an introvert. I never felt much need for socializing or friendship; I remember when I was really young, I only ever wanted to play with one "best friend" -- I didn't like the idea of having a group of friends. Then there was the perfectionist religious environment I was brought up in; my parents were really serious about it when I was a kid, and the pressure to conform was enormous. I always felt like I could never be good enough, like 'god' hated me personally. I struggled with 'faith' throughout my late childhood, teens and early 20's. When I was 8 we moved from California to Utah and I absolutely hated it; I never made any new friends, and quickly became bitter and jaded. I think that attitude led at least in part to the bullying, which started when I was about 10 and didn't stop until we moved overseas when I was 13. That was the primary trigger; I very nearly killed myself in the 8th grade.

Of course the years of torment completely destroyed my confidence, self-esteem and capability to trust. After that I shut myself off from other people completely; I never made any friends again. I moved around from clique to clique in high school, never really joining in with anyone; I never talked to anyone unless I had to. I think I was improving, until University made it worse -- I was again immersed in the religious culture that I hated, which dredged back up all the depression and anxiety. After I graduated I officially resigned from my parents' religion, which helped. But by then the damage was already done. And I've been "surviving" ever since.

I've tried therapy a few times but it never did much. I also tried a string of different medications in my late 20's but hated the side-effects. Recently I've been feeling the depression welling back up, and at this point I don't even care anymore. Let it come; I've weathered it before, and I will again. **** it all.

NerdTron 01-30-2020 11:33 PM

Don't really know how it started to be honest. As long as I can remember I was never really good social person I always felt a slight sense of anxiety even at a young age when ever I would go to school or go out in public. I never knew what it was until I was 18 or so when I found out about social anxiety.

Mystic290 01-31-2020 12:20 AM

Started with my parents splitting when I was young..... only now as an adult am I digging through the various disorders Iíve developed of hell even had from a young age that were never addressed....


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blue2 01-31-2020 02:42 AM

It didn't, I'm 100% sane it's the world that's crazy.

andy1984 01-31-2020 02:45 AM

just like the movie batman begins, except with more emotional neglect.

actually more like joker, but with less emotional neglect.

jesus alejandro 01-31-2020 02:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by harrison (Post 1093876511)
That's a very sad situation mate - isn't it strange how an accident can cause these mental health problems? One thing which is good, (actually 2 things) - your son is safe, and you're still here. :) Does it affect you in any other way apart from this depersonalisation? I've heard of that but I don't think I understand it.

I think my anxiety started when I was about 15 or 16 - but it wasn't so bad that I couldn't function. And it wasn't like a lot of the young guys on here - I still could have normal relationships etc and I could go to work.

It's become much worse now I'm older though - I don't know if the antidepressants they gave me about 12 years ago started it or whether it was there all along - but I certainly have a serious problem now with the bipolar. It makes me very unstable and it's difficult to deal with.

Edit: the situation with my mental health got worse, not the anxiety)

i always think about my past trying to figure out what my life would be like if this accident didnt happen , and thinking about my past makes me depressed , there are times where i regret making children for some reason which is all related to my mentall illness , i changed as a person to a point where i dont take life decisions serious anymore , before i had a regular mind set where somebody builts a family and do what he suppose to do no matter how hard it gets , now im just living for the moment , i had no knowledge about it and didnt think that something like that could affect me , but the medication are helping me alot and studying about it was also a major help , depersonalization is a state where you feel like you re dreaming , or where you feel like you are high , it is kinda fun and exciting and trippy at times , specially when you get used to it , but when it happened the first time it was a very unpleasant experience because i had no knowledge about it ,

-
at what age did you enjoy life the most was it around 13 or 14

jesus alejandro 01-31-2020 03:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tetragammon (Post 1093876529)
It was a string of unfortunate circumstances and events, I think.

First off, I'm pretty sure I was born an introvert. I never felt much need for socializing or friendship; I remember when I was really young, I only ever wanted to play with one "best friend" -- I didn't like the idea of having a group of friends. Then there was the perfectionist religious environment I was brought up in; my parents were really serious about it when I was a kid, and the pressure to conform was enormous. I always felt like I could never be good enough, like 'god' hated me personally. I struggled with 'faith' throughout my late childhood, teens and early 20's. When I was 8 we moved from California to Utah and I absolutely hated it; I never made any new friends, and quickly became bitter and jaded. I think that attitude led at least in part to the bullying, which started when I was about 10 and didn't stop until we moved overseas when I was 13. That was the primary trigger; I very nearly killed myself in the 8th grade.

Of course the years of torment completely destroyed my confidence, self-esteem and capability to trust. After that I shut myself off from other people completely; I never made any friends again. I moved around from clique to clique in high school, never really joining in with anyone; I never talked to anyone unless I had to. I think I was improving, until University made it worse -- I was again immersed in the religious culture that I hated, which dredged back up all the depression and anxiety. After I graduated I officially resigned from my parents' religion, which helped. But by then the damage was already done. And I've been "surviving" ever since.

I've tried therapy a few times but it never did much. I also tried a string of different medications in my late 20's but hated the side-effects. Recently I've been feeling the depression welling back up, and at this point I don't even care anymore. Let it come; I've weathered it before, and I will again. **** it all.

this is so sad bro , so you was basically born with it ,your bullies will meet their fate pretty soon , me myself im at a moment where i dont care anymore what happens to me or i dont care about family members, i had too many friends at that time before the accident now im only with a few people who are close friends , this is a persona that developed from my depersonalization and depression and i cant change it no matter what i do ,my new lifestyle or the way i see the world ends with one word illusion , i told myself that everything that i see now its all fake and an illusion this is how i became more aware of my depersonalization because being in that state is also a feeling where it feels like an illusion , nobody in my family could understand what i had going on mentally , nobody except my doctor

jesus alejandro 01-31-2020 03:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NerdTron (Post 1093876535)
Don't really know how it started to be honest. As long as I can remember I was never really good social person I always felt a slight sense of anxiety even at a young age when ever I would go to school or go out in public. I never knew what it was until I was 18 or so when I found out about social anxiety.

but even if you feel bad now mentally , you still kinda feel relieve ,because now you have knowledge about it , but if you dont have knowledge about it and it strikes you , that is the most dangerous thing that there is , if i knew how important the human brain was when i was a child , then i would prevent any situation that leads to mentall illness , but how can i turn the time back before the accident , i cant do it , maybe its fate that said that i should deal with this , there must be something that i did wrong during my glories days , but i dont know what

jesus alejandro 01-31-2020 03:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mystic290 (Post 1093876543)
Started with my parents splitting when I was young..... only now as an adult am I digging through the various disorders Iíve developed of hell even had from a young age that were never addressed....


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that is the hardest part if its something that triggered it , you was never born with it in the first place , its like getting cancer , nobody was born with it , it just came outta nowhere where your body got sick

jesus alejandro 01-31-2020 03:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blue2 (Post 1093876569)
It didn't, I'm 100% sane it's the world that's crazy.

? i dont understand , you must have some type of illness otherwise you wont be in this community

jesus alejandro 01-31-2020 03:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by andy1984 (Post 1093876571)
just like the movie batman begins, except with more emotional neglect.

actually more like joker, but with less emotional neglect.

right right , joker was never born evil ,its something that made him evil , his evil dad , lets put a smile to your face , what type of parents is doing such a evil bull to their seeds

harrison 01-31-2020 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesus alejandro (Post 1093876577)
i always think about my past trying to figure out what my life would be like if this accident didnt happen , and thinking about my past makes me depressed , there are times where i regret making children for some reason which is all related to my mentall illness , i changed as a person to a point where i dont take life decisions serious anymore , before i had a regular mind set where somebody builts a family and do what he suppose to do no matter how hard it gets , now im just living for the moment , i had no knowledge about it and didnt think that something like that could affect me , but the medication are helping me alot and studying about it was also a major help , depersonalization is a state where you feel like you re dreaming , or where you feel like you are high , it is kinda fun and exciting and trippy at times , specially when you get used to it , but when it happened the first time it was a very unpleasant experience because i had no knowledge about it ,

-
at what age did you enjoy life the most was it around 13 or 14

No, I don't think I'd say about 13 or 14 mate. I had a lot of fun in my late teens and also throughout my 20's with my girlfriends. Went and stayed over in Germany for a while etc in my mid 20's. But the time I look back on with the most fondness is the last 25 years or so - with my wife and my son. Nothing comes close to that - actually everything else just seems a bit silly in comparison tbh.

What you say about it feeling a bit trippy is a bit like mania with me - it can feel like that sometimes. But other times very intense and very unpleasant. So I have to decide whether to keep taking medication - which has side-effects.

It's good you have your family mate - at least that gives you something to hold onto. I hope you're doing okay anyway.

aqwsderf 01-31-2020 03:13 PM

I think my social anxiety started in 3rd grade and got worse in middle school

truant 01-31-2020 04:17 PM

I was born into a culture in which mental illness, for a person such as myself, is an almost inevitable outcome. Combine cultural intolerance, and the violent bullying that went along with it, with a genetic predisposition for illness and it seems unlikely I could have avoided it, no matter what I did.

I did not begin to experience the effects of illness until around the time of puberty (my childhood was mostly pretty positive, though not perfect); by the time I dropped out of high school, my illness was well-progressed; it is now deeply entrenched and unlikely to improve, despite all my efforts to combat it.

Persephone The Dread 01-31-2020 10:05 PM

Some stuff started later, but I've always been abnormally anxious in certain situations so that part was pretty much my temperament. As I got older I developed further issues including but not limited to becoming more schizoid, more unmotivated over time (I'd always struggled with that sort of thing though,) and became very cynical about how ****ed up the world was at about 11 (I would say my late childhood/early teen period is around the time I turned into Daria because at one point my dad found some story I was writing and had printed part of it off the computer to continue writing it later, and he found it and shared it with someone else without my permission.. And commented on how adult it was..) My view of how adults lived was always quite depressing lol they were all mentally ill, on drugs/drinking to cope, struggling financially but still somehow more optimistic than my current reality in terms of their soul.

School ****ed me up more though, was always waiting for it to end especially by the time I started secondary school (age 11,) I was also dealing with abuse from one student for a huge chunk of my life. Quite similar to prison.


I normally hate this kind of thing because they're simplistic at best, and inaccurate at worst compared to actually reading literature on disorders (even the dsm why is it trash?) but this one makes me laugh (just the casual placement of fantasies of world destruction at the end there so cartoonish but anyway I turn myself into a meme as well I guess):

https://slideplayer.com/slide/166589...oid+People.jpg


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