Home alone for a week - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 01:51 AM Thread Starter
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Home alone for a week


Was unsure of where else to put this

So my father needed to go on a trip out of state for just a week. That leaves me, 18 years old, and my little brother whose 13 years old. Before leaving he informed close friends of the family to keep in touch with us and check up on us in case anything happens or we don't feel safe.

I have my license, I have money. I know how to shop, avoid overbuying, fill gas, I have a credit card and know how to use it, and my schedule is free enough to take my brother to and from school. I take care of the house usually, in terms of housekeeping so I'm not too concerned about that. I know what to do in case of emergencies and I really have no intention of throwing parties since I'm terrified of them

My brother does have depression and I pay attention to this. Ik how much it can weigh down somebody and ik how ****ing dreadful it is, so I do my best to support him. I've never left him alone.
He went to his counselor today saying he was feeling depressed, and had some suicidal thoughts. They called my dad and he couldn't answer, so they called my mom to pick him up. She got really upset

She wants to go to an attorney to ask for 50% custody of my brother. He hates being around her so this upsets him. She yelled at me saying I don't understand my brother well enough to take care of him, even though she unknowingly makes him feel like **** usually.

She went after my dad too saying he's unfit to be a parent because he left a child who is sick. My mom has been diagnosed with depression in the past so she feels she understands him the best.
I know she just cares for my brother, and we do too. I felt horrible when I found out that he felt like that today like I missed something and let him down. The way she talked today as if I did a completely ****ty job taking care of him made me feel worse.

While most of the week went well everything went downhill today with this

Despite it my mom wants to fight this still, and this is nauseating for my dad because she's always been trying to use the court system against my dad (for really stupid things tbh but let's not go into that)

She said she would forget about the week thing as long as I agreed on the 50% custody, and I agreed, afraid if she uses this home-alone thing against my dad in some way. The thing is I don't know if she really has a case.

and I hate how my father has to come home only to face trouble from her for the umpteenth time in his life.

Was it bad to leave us alone for a week?? Can she do this?

Im tired, cant think of anything and want only to lay my face in your lap, feel your hand on my head and remain like that through all eternity.
― Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 02:18 AM
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with regards to the week away, i dont think so, you're 18 after all. I believe thats old enough and its not like he left a couple of under 16s home alone.
I'm not too sure about the legal stuff when it comes to depression though, so this is just my opinion

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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 06:09 AM
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Hey! I mean they are divorced I guess? Does she have visitation rights now? How does that work? But yeah she can fight for custody. 50/50 doesn't seem that bad. You are old enough to watch him so its not too bad of him to leave you guys.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 12:33 PM Thread Starter
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Hey! I mean they are divorced I guess? Does she have visitation rights now? How does that work? But yeah she can fight for custody. 50/50 doesn't seem that bad. You are old enough to watch him so its not too bad of him to leave you guys.
They've been divorced since forever lol, they hate each other. She has visitations, I don't have to go but my brother does and he dreads it. I thought it wouldn't too bad either but since my brother clearly stated he doesn't like being with her I don't know if the attorney would listen to him about it

Im tired, cant think of anything and want only to lay my face in your lap, feel your hand on my head and remain like that through all eternity.
― Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 12:35 PM
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They've been divorced since forever lol, they hate each other. She has visitations, I don't have to go but my brother does and he dreads it. I thought it wouldn't too bad either but since my brother clearly stated he doesn't like being with her I don't know if the attorney would listen to him about it
Hmm forgot if you told me in the past or not. He is old enough to have some choice in the matter I think.

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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 01:02 PM Thread Starter
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Hmm forgot if you told me in the past or not. He is old enough to have some choice in the matter I think.
Even if he did I still feel horrible supporting it. Ik she just wants to help out with him, she even ended up crying about it. but the forceful approach she's taking is scaring him off but I can't explain how the way she deals with him only makes him avert further away, we can't communicate for **** and it ends up in an argument.
He's at a therapist appointment and I'm hoping it makes some difference between them

Im tired, cant think of anything and want only to lay my face in your lap, feel your hand on my head and remain like that through all eternity.
― Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 01:14 PM
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Even if he did I still feel horrible supporting it. Ik she just wants to help out with him, she even ended up crying about it. but the forceful approach she's taking is scaring him off but I can't explain how the way she deals with him only makes him avert further away, we can't communicate for **** and it ends up in an argument.
He's at a therapist appointment and I'm hoping it makes some difference between them
I see, well I'll pray you guys can work something out that would be best for him.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 01:42 PM
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Did he not tell you he was going to the counselor? How influential is your word in this matter?
If you're having trouble communicating, write her a letter. Mention to her that if she'd like to maintain or improve the current arrangement she is going to need to change her approach. Her son is scared off by her and prefers to not see her. If she doesn't agree, she'll only make him suffer more and at that point, if your word counts, I'd support the decision of your brother.
Did he went to the therapist with your mom for a special session?

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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 09:51 PM Thread Starter
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Did he not tell you he was going to the counselor? How influential is your word in this matter?
If you're having trouble communicating, write her a letter. Mention to her that if she'd like to maintain or improve the current arrangement she is going to need to change her approach. Her son is scared off by her and prefers to not see her. If she doesn't agree, she'll only make him suffer more and at that point, if your word counts, I'd support the decision of your brother.
Did he went to the therapist with your mom for a special session?

No he didn't tell me, I wish he did. I have let him know in the past that he can text me any time he feels upset, but I'm past that right now it's okay he didn't. I don't want to put blame on him
I'm unsure about how influential my word is..my mom brushes it off a lot since she's the mother here. She's convinced I'm cured of depression also so it's as if I've forgotten my experience with it. With the attorney maybe I could make a difference, definitely my brother could because they're focused solely on the comfort of the child.
If I support my brother then my mom will be convinced she lost us as children, but my brother will be real upset if I support her idea.


She feels like she has total authority over him because she feels she understands him the most out of everyone, although she has many misconceptions about him. We're both intimidated by her in different ways and we can't really voice how we feel without her thinking we hate her and then her crying. so she ends up threatening to disown us and leave the state. (???)
I've never tried a letter. Maybe it could work, I'm just afraid of how she'll react. I think I'll do it.

Special sesson? I'm unsure what you mean. They went because of how he was feeling that day and because he was suspended 16 days from school, she wanted to reduce his suspension.

Im tired, cant think of anything and want only to lay my face in your lap, feel your hand on my head and remain like that through all eternity.
― Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 07:27 AM
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No he didn't tell me, I wish he did. I have let him know in the past that he can text me any time he feels upset, but I'm past that right now it's okay he didn't. I don't want to put blame on him
I'm unsure about how influential my word is..my mom brushes it off a lot since she's the mother here. She's convinced I'm cured of depression also so it's as if I've forgotten my experience with it. With the attorney maybe I could make a difference, definitely my brother could because they're focused solely on the comfort of the child.
If I support my brother then my mom will be convinced she lost us as children, but my brother will be real upset if I support her idea.


She feels like she has total authority over him because she feels she understands him the most out of everyone, although she has many misconceptions about him. We're both intimidated by her in different ways and we can't really voice how we feel without her thinking we hate her and then her crying. so she ends up threatening to disown us and leave the state. (???)
I've never tried a letter. Maybe it could work, I'm just afraid of how she'll react. I think I'll do it.

Special sesson? I'm unsure what you mean. They went because of how he was feeling that day and because he was suspended 16 days from school, she wanted to reduce his suspension.
No, I'm sure he didn't mean this to happen when he didn't tell you. Sometimes you'd rather just not tell.

These are my thoughts on the issue: she's manipulating you with these threats. To resolve this, preferably you as her daughter, someone who she may listen to, will need to be stern with her and not yield. She either changes her approach, or you support your brother. I can understand you worry for her, but there's no sense in allowing an arrangement your brother hates, one which'll probably lead to an even more strenuous relationship between them, and no reason to tolerate this kind of behaviour from her.

In case you haven't, point out you haven't forgotten how depression feels; say these things. Sometimes people don't realize them, or they're being disingenuous to further their agenda. Saying these things will give you leverage. If she disregards your opinion, try to hold your ground.
I would write her the letter and explain clearly and bluntly what the issues are. I would mention you do not hate her but worry for your brother, who is intimidated and dislikes her approach, which she needs to change.

I see. I meant if they had a therapy session together with the help of which she could understand his reservations better. That might also be a good idea.

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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-08-2017, 03:27 PM Thread Starter
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No, I'm sure he didn't mean this to happen when he didn't tell you. Sometimes you'd rather just not tell.

These are my thoughts on the issue: she's manipulating you with these threats. To resolve this, preferably you as her daughter, someone who she may listen to, will need to be stern with her and not yield. She either changes her approach, or you support your brother. I can understand you worry for her, but there's no sense in allowing an arrangement your brother hates, one which'll probably lead to an even more strenuous relationship between them, and no reason to tolerate this kind of behaviour from her.

In case you haven't, point out you haven't forgotten how depression feels; say these things. Sometimes people don't realize them, or they're being disingenuous to further their agenda. Saying these things will give you leverage. If she disregards your opinion, try to hold your ground.
I would write her the letter and explain clearly and bluntly what the issues are. I would mention you do not hate her but worry for your brother, who is intimidated and dislikes her approach, which she needs to change.

I see. I meant if they had a therapy session together with the help of which she could understand his reservations better. That might also be a good idea.

The 50% thing was agreed on with therapists, and she wants me to encourage him to go. I figured fine, but I hate how this causing more stress on my father. She taunts his ability as a father in front of me and it bugs me so much I wanna scream at her. She thinks she's the only one who cares about my brother in this situation but everyone cares. Back to how my mother always tried to convince me my father is a horrible parent (hes not????)

She thinks she cures everything now? Lol apparently since I started talking and visiting her again I'm cured of depression but really I've just been stowing it away. I didn't want to scare my brother or influence him, or stress my father or my friends. It's silly as hell

Well it's all set pretty much, thanks everyone for giving help, I'm almost at my limit with her

Im tired, cant think of anything and want only to lay my face in your lap, feel your hand on my head and remain like that through all eternity.
― Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena
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