Not constantly though, while it is great to feel a natural high, I also like to experience a large range of emotions. Happiness is better than hopelessness, I think feeling hopeless is the only emotion I really dislike. Even sadness, I can be fond of, the right kind of sadness that is. Anger can be nice as well, so long as I am not consumed by it. My default emotion is usually curiosity if that could be considered an emotion.
I've grown familiar with my emotions, and have a lot of control over them when I'm away from people. Happiness is usually pretty easy to experience, for me it just is a matter of experiencing one thing I like, and manipulating that emotion to encompass other things. It is pretty cool too, the natural high makes everything seem so much brighter, but I don't think I would want to be in such a state of mind permanently. One thing I rarely experience anymore is boredom, and when I do, it is not for long periods of time, which is kind of cool
Being around people though, that throws it all out of whack. It is little wonder why monks and others seek solitude, at least to me it makes sense.
I've noticed that in your posts before - that you prefer to be away from people and that that's when your happiest.
I'm glad you feel like you have control of your emotions - I certainly don't and I envy you. I'm also not at my happiest away from people - I feel a fairly constant craving for them, even though I know in many situations I'll feel on edge or much worse. I need people.
I sometimes have that natural high - it's nice when it's not out of control with me. I sometimes sit on a tram or train amongst a whole lot of people and I feel at one with them - it probably sounds a bit silly but I feel a powerful connection with them. I remember first feeling that when I was very young. But with me that feeling can get out of control very quickly and I can become manic. Not long ago I even woke up with terrible anxiety that actually turned into mania - it was so strange and gave me a fright.
I hate getting angry - because with me it becomes all consuming and I want to kill people. I literally want to rip them to pieces. In the past it's been pleasurable at first but it goes way beyond that feeling very quickly, so I avoid getting angry at all if I can.
I agree - hopelessness is the worst. I feel it through the night when I'm at my most lonely and afraid sometimes. It's usually gone in the morning though. I talk to my wife and realise I'm okay.
I'd say I have less control over my emotions at this point in my life than at any other - which is a bit of a problem.
Edit: I do have a lot of gratitude though. I'm grateful I'm still here, I'm grateful for my wife and my son and that I can be a part of this society at all - even though I occupy the fringes. I have an enormous amount to be grateful for.