Does anyone ever feel like what next? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 03:48 PM Thread Starter
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Does anyone ever feel like what next?


I guess I've always been the type the prefers everything to be planned out with little flexibility. I mean the first 18 years of life I went to school, not much to decide there, went to college, graduated, worked at one job and now at another job. But I've never been the type that likes changes and having to figure things out that could have big consequences. So I've put off the "big" decisions: never been in a relationship, prefer to stay at same job that is familiar, etc.

I'm at the point now where I've put some things off for way too long out of fear. I want to buy a house, but then it's like which one? Where? What if I end up meeting someone and they already have a house, what do we do then? etc.

I don't like the big decisions especially when they can be a huge mistake, lead to financial ruin, etc. My questions are always Do I want this debt? What if I lose my job, or can't do it anymore?

This and that. I guess what I'm saying is I've always liked my decisions to be clear or fairly inflexible as far as the bigger ones go.

I'm not the type of person that can make wild spur of the moment decisions very well. I don't just go off and do things unplanned because it felt right for some brief moment in time.

So I think I hit the point where I had to ask. What's next? Where am I going in life? What do I really want? The hard questions that I don't really have a good answer to.

Underneath the cold November sky, I wait for you... As the pages of my life roll by, I wait for you... I'm so desperate just to see your face, meet me in this broken place...

Be a little brave for a little bit of time.
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 04:29 PM
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Maybe you don't need anything else. Maybe in your heart you are a minimalist.
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 04:51 PM
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It has never really been that difficult for me, to make the larger decisions, like when I moved to Florida, I barely had any money to my name I mean, less than $200 so I completely expected I would be homeless. I didn't even have a car, I took a greyhound bus. At the time, I did not care, and if the worst-case scenario were to occur and I was absolutely miserable and couldn't find a job I could just move back to Maine and live with my parents. When I got married, I was 27 and it was not that difficult of a choice either, the worst-case scenario would be that we ended up divorced and I would be single again. When we purchased the house, that was just an easy decision, rent for a house this size is almost three times as much as our mortgage/tax/insurance per month, and the house appreciates in value so we aren't really losing money.

Choices aren't difficult, because when I look at what I have to lose, I imagine there is a workaround.

At this point in my life, "my" what's next is in about 20 years, and I imagine I will be traveling around the country, staying in hotels, because that is my wife's dream. We will probably go on cruises as well, then we will grow old our bodies will start to fall apart, and hell we become cyborgs! ;p Until such a time comes, I am mostly enjoying life as it is right now, there are no major decisions to make on the horizon, outside of what is for dinner (soup, I'm making soup if anyone is curious)

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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 06:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zonebox View Post
It has never really been that difficult for me, to make the larger decisions, like when I moved to Florida, I barely had any money to my name I mean, less than $200 so I completely expected I would be homeless. I didn't even have a car, I took a greyhound bus. At the time, I did not care, and if the worst-case scenario were to occur and I was absolutely miserable and couldn't find a job I could just move back to Maine and live with my parents. When I got married, I was 27 and it was not that difficult of a choice either, the worst-case scenario would be that we ended up divorced and I would be single again. When we purchased the house, that was just an easy decision, rent for a house this size is almost three times as much as our mortgage/tax/insurance per month, and the house appreciates in value so we aren't really losing money.

Choices aren't difficult, because when I look at what I have to lose, I imagine there is a workaround.

At this point in my life, "my" what's next is in about 20 years, and I imagine I will be traveling around the country, staying in hotels, because that is my wife's dream. We will probably go on cruises as well, then we will grow old our bodies will start to fall apart, and hell we become cyborgs! ;p Until such a time comes, I am mostly enjoying life as it is right now, there are no major decisions to make on the horizon, outside of what is for dinner (soup, I'm making soup if anyone is curious)
I like the way you think mate, sounds a bit like me. I also like the idea of travelling around staying at those motels - I want to come too. Maybe I should meet up with you back in Florida - although by then I'll be about 80 and getting ready to carck it.

I've always been pretty good with decisions - I just did whatever I wanted. (which was often a very bad idea) Who cares - it all worked out alright in the end, I haven't hurt anyone and my wife still likes me.

Nowadays all I really have to decide is whether to go up to my wife's house and play with the dog - or whether to change the date on my ticket to Bali and go up there for a while. Jesus, what a choice.
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 10:33 PM
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Nope, planning never go well for me. I won't achieve anything like that anyway... I won't be able to even take care of that...

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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 10:42 PM
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I don't know about anybody else but I sure could go for a slow decent into madness.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 04:49 AM
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I'm in the same place. I had a better idea of where I was headed a few years ago. Now I'm here and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do next.

I don't like to think about it, actually. Ever since my dad died, it's been hard for me to believe in the future.

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I don't know about anybody else but I sure could go for a slow decent into madness.
I'm in.

It is the light she longs to find,
When she delights in learning more.
Her world is learning; it defines
The destiny she’s reaching for

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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 07:49 AM
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I'm starting to feel like I know what might come next. It's actually quite strange that it's taken me so long to realise it. I'll focus more on my books. My wife tended to discourage it if anything - she never liked having any lying around the house. Which is a bit odd considering she's a librarian. I always had to have mine all in one little room. Now I can have them wherever I want and I can really appreciate them.
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 08:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zonebox View Post
It has never really been that difficult for me, to make the larger decisions, like when I moved to Florida, I barely had any money to my name I mean, less than $200 so I completely expected I would be homeless. I didn't even have a car, I took a greyhound bus. At the time, I did not care, and if the worst-case scenario were to occur and I was absolutely miserable and couldn't find a job I could just move back to Maine and live with my parents. When I got married, I was 27 and it was not that difficult of a choice either, the worst-case scenario would be that we ended up divorced and I would be single again. When we purchased the house, that was just an easy decision, rent for a house this size is almost three times as much as our mortgage/tax/insurance per month, and the house appreciates in value so we aren't really losing money.

Choices aren't difficult, because when I look at what I have to lose, I imagine there is a workaround.

At this point in my life, "my" what's next is in about 20 years, and I imagine I will be traveling around the country, staying in hotels, because that is my wife's dream. We will probably go on cruises as well, then we will grow old our bodies will start to fall apart, and hell we become cyborgs! ;p Until such a time comes, I am mostly enjoying life as it is right now, there are no major decisions to make on the horizon, outside of what is for dinner (soup, I'm making soup if anyone is curious)
This is kinda how I am about life. I don't really worry about much. I've had nothing and no one before, so losing everything doesn't scare me much. Came back from having nothing as well, so I figure I could do it again if it came down to it. Fear of loss can really hold you back if you let it.

Traveling around and staying in hotels is fantastic, by the way. My company only has day cab trucks, so everywhere they send me I'm staying in hotels. South Dakota a couple weeks ago and Alabama a couple weeks before that. My girlfriend and I do a lot of traveling as well. Spent Christmas week in Fort Walton Beach Florida, spent most of a week in Branson Missouri in November, and my last powerlifting meet in October was in central Missouri and we stayed four days for that. Headed to Gatlinburg Tennessee next month for Valentine's Day weekend.

If I could somehow have the money I'd love to spend a few years just going where the road took me and stay in a hotel until I got ready to go somewhere else.
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 01:34 PM
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What's next is I will slowly descend into madness and eventually be some guy that yells at crows on my porch.

[Everyone disliked that.]
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 05:22 PM
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 06:11 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zonebox View Post
It has never really been that difficult for me, to make the larger decisions, like when I moved to Florida, I barely had any money to my name I mean, less than $200 so I completely expected I would be homeless. I didn't even have a car, I took a greyhound bus. At the time, I did not care, and if the worst-case scenario were to occur and I was absolutely miserable and couldn't find a job I could just move back to Maine and live with my parents. When I got married, I was 27 and it was not that difficult of a choice either, the worst-case scenario would be that we ended up divorced and I would be single again. When we purchased the house, that was just an easy decision, rent for a house this size is almost three times as much as our mortgage/tax/insurance per month, and the house appreciates in value so we aren't really losing money.

Choices aren't difficult, because when I look at what I have to lose, I imagine there is a workaround.

At this point in my life, "my" what's next is in about 20 years, and I imagine I will be traveling around the country, staying in hotels, because that is my wife's dream. We will probably go on cruises as well, then we will grow old our bodies will start to fall apart, and hell we become cyborgs! ;p Until such a time comes, I am mostly enjoying life as it is right now, there are no major decisions to make on the horizon, outside of what is for dinner (soup, I'm making soup if anyone is curious)

My problem and what depresses me the most lately, is I missed out on the chance of ever getting a place fit to live in. The prices went up, my income did not go up enough to make up for it. Now I can't hardly buy a microbe to live in for what one used to be able to get a nice house for. It's extremely frustrating, and I see no way around it. There are just no decent houses out there that are affordable. I actually make pretty decent money for my area so I don't understand how people afford to buy a place.

Underneath the cold November sky, I wait for you... As the pages of my life roll by, I wait for you... I'm so desperate just to see your face, meet me in this broken place...

Be a little brave for a little bit of time.
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 09:03 PM
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Sometimes. I've taken my life pretty far considering where I've started, but I still can't feel like I've done enough, and probably never will.
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-23-2020, 09:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shyguy07 View Post
I guess I've always been the type the prefers everything to be planned out with little flexibility. I mean the first 18 years of life I went to school, not much to decide there, went to college, graduated, worked at one job and now at another job. But I've never been the type that likes changes and having to figure things out that could have big consequences. So I've put off the "big" decisions: never been in a relationship, prefer to stay at same job that is familiar, etc.

I'm at the point now where I've put some things off for way too long out of fear. I want to buy a house, but then it's like which one? Where? What if I end up meeting someone and they already have a house, what do we do then? etc.

I don't like the big decisions especially when they can be a huge mistake, lead to financial ruin, etc. My questions are always Do I want this debt? What if I lose my job, or can't do it anymore?

This and that. I guess what I'm saying is I've always liked my decisions to be clear or fairly inflexible as far as the bigger ones go.

I'm not the type of person that can make wild spur of the moment decisions very well. I don't just go off and do things unplanned because it felt right for some brief moment in time.

So I think I hit the point where I had to ask. What's next? Where am I going in life? What do I really want? The hard questions that I don't really have a good answer to.
Life is random and most people are just "winging it" through life. I know from the outside it looks like most people have some kind of concrete plan but most just have a vague idea then when opportunities arise they take them or they don't. So long as you work at what you want to get and are open to new opportunities things seem to have a way of working out from what I have observed. There will always be pro's and con's to whatever you do, it's a matter of appreciating the good and dealing with the bad before it snowballs into something worse.
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