Do you prefer your father or your mother? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-18-2019, 11:38 AM Thread Starter
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Do you prefer your father or your mother?

We all prefer one
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post #2 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-18-2019, 08:19 PM
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None. Because they made me.

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post #3 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-18-2019, 10:32 PM
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Everyone always loves their mom more and for good reason. They’re the main caretakers.
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post #4 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-19-2019, 02:19 PM
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Originally Posted by MostUnwanted View Post
Everyone always loves their mom more and for good reason. Theyíre the main caretakers.
Oh but you would be wrong. My mother has been the most abusive and damaging influence on my life, and I saw her as nothing more than a monster who leeched off my father. If I felt any love for her, it was out of obligation.

She isn't like that anymore.

But to answer the question, I don't like either of them. I don't prefer one over the other in the present day - I used to prefer my Dad much more as a kid though.
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post #5 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-19-2019, 03:52 PM
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I love them both equally. No competition since they both seem like they care about me. But I used to prefer my mother more cause me and my dad were on bad terms for a long time.
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post #6 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-19-2019, 04:31 PM
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I was always closer to my Mum. They're both long gone now though. My Mum was more sensitive and easier to talk to, plus my Dad basically disappeared when I was in my early 20's and married someone else. He was okay when I was a kid though - just always very busy with work/business.
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post #7 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-19-2019, 07:24 PM
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My mum. Even though she was more obviously abusive, at least she tried to understand me sometimes. My dad seemed motivated to see the worst in me from the start; anything I do that he doesn't like is a character flaw and to be taken as some kind of affront.
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post #8 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-19-2019, 08:43 PM
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My dad was abusive at times and certainly had some characters flaws. But we got along at times and he was struggling with his own issues and it was the way he was raised as well.

My mom was a good woman. Hard worker and I know she cared but never felt as connected to her as my dad.
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post #9 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 05:47 AM
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Feels wrong to choose, it would have been interesting to know my dad if he had got a fair crack at life & lived a long life, he had a neglectful childhood with illness etc & then was sick from when I was around 7 years old & died 10 years later, I barely remember him happy.

I mostly remember him as being ill, unemployed, depressed, suicidal, didn't look after himself, cleanliness etc, but he had a good heart, my mother cheated on him during that time, which I can't really forgive easily, though she has alot of good & struggled from a difficult upbringing herself, just gonna leave it even for now but as I say I probably would have preferred my dad under normal circumstances.

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #10 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 07:41 AM
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They both have their different good qualities. Mom is more understanding if I'm emotional but dad is better for business-related advice.
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post #11 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 11:13 AM
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They were both astronomically terrible parents. They still think and act like selfish children and probably always will.

I don't really talk to them at all or have any sort of connection with them. They are literally incapable of having a normal adult discussion about anything.
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post #12 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 11:23 AM
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I don't know. If you had asked me 15 years ago, I might have had an answer I could agree with. Now I pretty much just avoid them both as much as possible. There are things about both of them that drive me batty.

My dad's annoying traits are pretty much unintentional and I have never really said much to him about it because....well....unintentional. He means no harm. He's just set in his ways. Which are annoying....but unintentional.

My mother is just impossible to deal with unless she wants something. She can be easy to get along with until she gets what she wants and then she goes back to being mean and argumentative. Likes to nag me about things I have asked her repeatedly not to do. Instead of respecting that, she gets mad about it and sometimes resorts to doing it in round about ways which forces me to put more energy into avoiding her.

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post #13 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 07:50 PM
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My mother for sure. She didn't have the best techniques in terms of nurturing but has definitely helped on giving some basic support that had and still is helping me to continue on striving. I would be lost without her.
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post #14 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 08:34 PM
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Growing up, I think I loved my mother more. Now I love them both equally, I have found my father to be an amazing person with dynamics I never realized in my youth. I will be absolutely devastated when either of them die, I wish they could live forever and don't know what I will do when either of them are gone, it will be quite a horrific blow. My mother is now 69, soon to be 70 and my dad is 74 - I know their death is just around the corner, and it is a source of constant concern. I don't have many people in my life that understand me, hell, they don't even understand me very well, but their love is absolutely appreciated, and once it is gone it will hurt a lot.

They were not perfect parents, I remember the beatings I would get, I remember a lot of ****ty things, but I also remember all of the good times as well. They did love me and my brothers though, and in the grand scheme of things, especially in their era, I think they did well. They have their faults, but I accept them, people are not without faults.

Knowing that death is the inevitable outcome in the short future, I hope my mother goes first. Not because I love her any less, but because I know she is less likely to be able to cope. I think my father will be incredibly hurt, but I think he has more of a capacity to move on. If my dad passes away first, I think my mother would be in absolute misery, not knowing what to do, it would be a torturous existence for her and I wouldn't want to see her go through that.

Live and let live
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see to it that in the process he does not become a
monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss,
the abyss will gaze back into you."

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post #15 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 01:00 AM
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post #16 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 09:05 AM
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My mother. She was my best friend and her passing crushed me. I don't have the greatest relationship with my dad but I'm trying to work on that. He's the only parent I have left after all.

more issues than vogue
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post #17 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 09:10 AM
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well i am closer to my dad than my mom

hi i am the new girl
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post #18 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 03:59 PM
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Never knew my father, so mother it is.

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post #19 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 04:48 PM
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My mother until I was 16. After that she started treating me like $h!%. Projecting a lot of her issues onto me, becoming quite domineering to the point where I just started speaking to her unless it necessary. Since ah didínae wish to hear another angry, hateful tangent if ah dared asked how she wus feeling.

Never knew my dad because he walked outta ma life shortly after ah wus born. Didínae see him until I was 15 when I reluctantly agreed to get to know him. Which was a big mistake. Mainly because the bond wusínae there. Andy I also have no memories of my dad being part of my life. And, after awhile, I began to see domineering arsehole that my mother described to me when I asked her about him before we eventually met.
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post #20 of 24 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 11:26 PM
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I barely remember my mother, so it is hard to say.

I hardly remember anything before age 9 and she got cancer when I was 12. And I've blocked out much of the period when I was age 12-17 since it was so awful. After the bone marrow transplant, my mom was just a shell of her former self. Disabled mentally and physically from the treatment. Then she croaked when I was 17.

Unfortunately I'm stuck with the rotten old man.
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