Do other people touch you? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 12:21 AM Thread Starter
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Do other people touch you?


Sometimes people will need to move past me and they'll lightly put their hands on the bottom of my back or waist or even my a** and gently move me out of the way. Others have lightly slapped me on my a** to say goodbye as I walked past them. These are people I know but this just feels like they are making a sexual pass at me and I can't help but feel violated and there is something wrong for a guy or anyone to slap someone's a**. Sometimes people will say hello to me and rub my back for a few seconds like they were petting a dog. This feels too intimate for people I don't really even know. Other people have come up behind me to say hello and then massage my shoulders. Last time my brother's wife's sister came up behind me and just started massaging my shoulders while her husband was there. I don't mind being touched by women but I would only massage a woman's shoulders if I was trying to show her I was interested or she was my partner. I wouldn't massage my sister in law's shoulders while talking to other family members around me even if in my mind this was just purely innocent. This would still look flirty to others so I just wouldn't do it. I wouldn't grab her waist or touch her butt cheeks in order to get her to move out of the way. Touching someone else's a** cheeks to get them to move is just weird. I'd just say excuse me.

Am I over reacting and this is just normal for others to touch? I can only imagine how dogs must feel with humans touching them so much.
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post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 01:26 AM
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Unlike humans, dogs and many animals get positively aroused and stimulated from petting.




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post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 01:57 AM
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Sounds horrible. Can't recall strangers ever touching me beyond the standard handshake. There've been a couple of people who, once I knew them well, would sometimes touch my arm or something (which didn't bother me but perplexed me a little).

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post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 04:40 AM
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We had my sister’s engagement party at our house, and one of her fiance’s friends walked out of the house and into the backyard, then put his hand on my top of my back (I was standing near the door, but not blocking it). I didn’t know anyone was walking up behind me, so it scared me a little bit. I hadn’t seen him before. He did the same thing about ten minutes later. He must have been drunk, because he was asking my mum to adopt him. Maybe he was weird, because my sister called him “Weird Marty” the last few times I heard about him.

My sister’s other friend put his hand on my arm for about a minute when we went to his house and were getting ready to leave, and I had only seen him once before that. His mum hugged me, but she was hugging everyone. I don’t think they were being creepy.

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post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 05:40 AM
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Some people are more touchy-feely, the pally or maternal types!

I sometimes touch people very slightly on their shoulder, arm or upper back too, as an additional sign for reassurance or sincerity to what I am just saying.
Or when coming from behind so they don't get startled or let me pass by.

Most of the time I myself am very OK with it, even if it's from the opposite gender or if it's a bit more "rustic", as long as it's genuine and by people I like. Makes me feel accepted.

I sense, if it's harmless or invasive!

I'm absolutely not OK with it if the person is under influence of alcohol or something like that.
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post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 07:46 AM
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Sounds terrible!😿
No one touches me thank goodness.
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post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 08:09 AM
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Not usually. I went to this one doctor one time and I really didn't care for him, as he started asking a lot of awkward questions and I stopped answering them and just stared at him. At some point he stopped and put his hand on my knee and laughed and said something like "We're not trying to attack you or anything" (but he was). I just looked at his hand and looked back up at him like "Remove your hand. Now".

I never went back to him. It still makes me mad to think about it.

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post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 09:08 AM
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People don't touch me often because I'm not very touchy-feely and I think they can sense it.

That said, I get weirdly emotional when people I like give me a spontaneous hug or touch me in other ways that are acceptable to me. I don't show it though, so I don't think they notice. A friend once gave me a hug when I was going away, and while I was awkward about it (and probably ruined the chance of any future hugs), I lived back to that moment a lot.

I want to be more touchy-feely but I cringe at the thought that I might be invading someone's personal space against their will.

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post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 09:13 AM
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no, I guess they dont want their hand bitten off

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post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 11:29 AM
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post #11 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 12:43 PM
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No, there have been a few people at meetups who wanted to hug when saying goodbye. I'm okay with hugging most women and some men (smallish or skinny types). But there a lot of men I'd just rather not hug. I don't like being hugged by large people. Just icky. There were a couple times where I rejected the hug. Kind of awkward but I don't care. I'm okay with being rude like that.

I really hate people touching my head. Makes me so ****ing angry for some reason.
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post #12 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 01:33 PM
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There's no 'normal'. People just have different preferences. There's nothing wrong with not liking it, and there's nothing wrong with liking it. There is something wrong with assuming other people share your preferences, or should share your preferences, though, and people shouldn't go around touching people who don't want to be touched. Similarly, people who like to be touched are going to feel neglected by people who don't touch them (for example, in relationships, or parent-child relationships).

Personally, I like being touched, as long as I know it's coming (I startle easily). But I come from a family that is touch-phobic and grew up with basically zero physical contact (that I remember; I'm sure I was held as a child*). I would not be happy in a relationship with a person who did not like to touch or be touched. Which is why, considering stealing other people's babies is frowned upon, I'll probably get a sloth.

* Though my mother spent several weeks in hospital immediately after I was born, so maybe I didn't get my needs met then.

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post #13 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 01:50 PM
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actually once a lecturer put his hand on my shoulder and I had the feeling like "can you be my dad?". only time ever a non-gf touching me was ok except for awkward hugs with my actual dad which are not enjoyable but obligatory and started since my mum died and I guess he realised he will die soon also etc. my friend wants to hug me sometimes but she gets ideas so I dont allow it. my most loved ex would touch my arm all the time which was super nice.

I kind of remember my mum hugging and kissing me as a very young kid and it made me very uncomfortable. but then there was basically no physical contact with anyone from about age 5 till I had my first gf at 21.

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post #14 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 02:00 PM
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if this sort of touching is discomforting for you, that's all that matters. it also really depends on your environment, culture, etc. to identify what 'normal'/what's most common is.

gosh tho, i wonder if i cause this feeling in others. it's only with ppl that i'm comfortable with who i think are also comfortable with me but, for example, if i need to get past someone, i'll put my hand on their back. i don't even think about it. i'd really like to think that i'm feathery light with these. i think i'll ask sometime.

also! i practiced 'positive touches' with this one group i met in israel. they were so liberalminded. we would consciously touch each other and i loved every second of it :3

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post #15 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 02:31 PM
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Sometimes, if it's someone I don't know well I probably won't like it much. I don't think most people are that touchy feely where I grew up due to culture. I remember this one very huggy guy who would hug everyone and since it was the first time I encountered that I felt uncomfortable with it. I feel a bit awkward when my dad hugs me too. I can enjoy hugs though.

I don't find I need it most of the time and it's not instinctive for me to touch people because I have a strong sense of boundaries/personal bubble and worry about interfering with other's boundaries (sometimes if I'm on my period or something I develop feelings so I'm no longer a robot temporarily and feel like cuddling or something.)

I don't think my brain really produces oxytocin and such properly. It might be why I like orgasms and chocolate. Actually probably not in the former case, feel like chocolate works though sometimes.

Also no I don't like sexual harassment.

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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 03:22 PM
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The Seinfeld episode where he denounces kissing his neighbors is classic. People in Italy might have been too kissy-feely for the pandemic. The French also might be changing their ways soon. I like the Japanese way of bowing slightly. My fellow Cubans here in Miami also have a bad tendency to get kissy-feely.

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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 05:37 PM
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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 07:36 PM
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Yes. Growing up my family are the type of people who usually hug or at least shake hands or something when we see each other so I'm used to it. It does feel a little odd when people that I don't know too well put their hands on me though.
I don't remember anyone that I wasn't in a relationship with ever touching my butt,thank god.
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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-05-2020, 05:00 AM
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I don't like strangers touching me. Maybe except for the kids.

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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-07-2020, 03:13 AM
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I wish they did. T_T
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