Biggest Regrets in your life? How would you do things differently - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-16-2020, 09:47 PM Thread Starter
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Biggest Regrets in your life? How would you do things differently


What are the Biggest Regrets in your life or things you wish you would have done differently? How would you do things differently if you could snap your fingers and start out again in life? Some of my regrets are social in nature such as not going after the hot girl or not standing up for myself in regard in bullying and abuse. I stayed to long in a bad job as well. I wish I had gotten treatment for SA when I was still in High school. Im 42 years old now. Im sure my life would have turned out a whole lot different (hopefully better) if I had learned to deal with these issues earlier in life.

A lot of things a person has no power to change. Just comes down to the luck of the draw. You dont pick the time and the place your born into. Your genetics or your family members. So cant really regret what you have no control over.

So what are your biggest Regrets in your life or things you wish you would have done differently? Any life advice and wisdom from your own experiences you can pass on?
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post #2 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-16-2020, 10:27 PM
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i regret nothing, good decision or bad. they're all something i've learned from. but if i could change any choice i've made and do it differently, that in itself would probably end up be my biggest regret.
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post #3 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 12:28 AM
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What are the Biggest Regrets in your life or things you wish you would have done differently? How would you do things differently if you could snap your fingers and start out again in life? Some of my regrets are social in nature such as not going after the hot girl or not standing up for myself in regard in bullying and abuse. I stayed to long in a bad job as well. I wish I had gotten treatment for SA when I was still in High school. Im 42 years old now. Im sure my life would have turned out a whole lot different (hopefully better) if I had learned to deal with these issues earlier in life.

A lot of things a person has no power to change. Just comes down to the luck of the draw. You dont pick the time and the place your born into. Your genetics or your family members. So cant really regret what you have no control over.

So what are your biggest Regrets in your life or things you wish you would have done differently? Any life advice and wisdom from your own experiences you can pass on?
I have plenty of regrets - but a lot of things also just came down to what I couldn't do any differently at the time. Do I regret not being able to go to Uni when everyone else my age was - of course I do. But it wasn't because I didn't try - it was because of my anxiety. I literally couldn't do it. I regret not being able to go on to have a decent career - but it wasn't because of laziness or a bad choice in life, it was because I was incapable of doing it.

I have more simple regrets - coming off my medication a number of years ago and going off without telling my wife what I was doing and spending all that money on nonsense. I regret quite a few of the trips I made to meet other people. I regret stealing all that stuff and embarassing myself in the process. There's plenty more.
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post #4 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 12:41 AM
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I wish I had relocated across the country at 18 and went to school instead of working at dead end jobs. There's nothing I could have done as a minor but if I were braver and smarter, my life could have turned out a lot better (and with much fewer traumas).

I was clinging to a destructive life and mindset way too long, and by the time I let go, I was completely too depleted to rebuild my life.
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post #5 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 08:07 AM Thread Starter
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I wish I had relocated across the country at 18 and went to school instead of working at dead end jobs.
Myself as well. Stayed in my small hometown in the midwest for way to long working some bad jobs with bad and abusive co workers. I did end up moving to the east coast about age 30 (42 now). Positive choice for me I think. Lot more variety of people here and they are a lot more open minded.

I dont know your age but if you dont have a great job now and no family obligations tying you down you should try to move somewhere else and get a new start. Start applying for jobs where you would like to live. Never to late to get a new start and a change in scenery!
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post #6 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 08:19 AM
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I would not want to start up again in life. Definitely do not want to go through this again. My regrets are social in nature. I never had a lot of friends. I didn't go out with the ones I had enough. I stayed home too much (I still do this, so I am in active regret). I didn't get to experience a lot of fun things people my age usually do.

Also, (and I don't really want this to be a regret, because I was happy with him for a long time, but I was also miserable often...) I held on to my last relationship/friendship for too long a time. I think part of me thought this would be my only shot at happiness so I refused to let go. I wonder what my life would have been like if I had walked away a long time ago.

But you live and learn. Hopefully, I don't make the same mistakes.
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post #7 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 08:25 AM
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Myself as well. Stayed in my small hometown in the midwest for way to long working some bad jobs with bad and abusive co workers. I did end up moving to the east coast about age 30 (42 now). Positive choice for me I think. Lot more variety of people here and they are a lot more open minded.

I dont know your age but if you dont have a great job now and no family obligations tying you down you should try to move somewhere else and get a new start. Start applying for jobs where you would like to live. Never to late to get a new start and a change in scenery!
I did that all at 21 already (I'm 28 ).

There are also restraints right now due to the pandemic.
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post #8 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 08:41 AM Thread Starter
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I did that all at 21 already (I'm 28 ).

There are also restraints right now due to the pandemic.
Great job accomplishing that at 21. How did it work out for you? Positive experience I hope.

Yea Pandemic makes this a bit difficult to do at this exact moment. But a good idea in general I think
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post #9 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 10:07 AM
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All the missed opportunities for job growth and social connections I could've made if I wasn't always telling myself that I'm not good enough for anything.
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post #10 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 10:21 AM
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Too many to list.

Should have finished school and at 18 take a backpack and travel on a motorcycle.

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post #11 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 10:53 AM
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Great job accomplishing that at 21. How did it work out for you? Positive experience I hope.

Yea Pandemic makes this a bit difficult to do at this exact moment. But a good idea in general I think
Not much of an accomplishment, I just packed two bags and left. It's extremely easy when you're young compared to when you're now my age... especially when backed to a corner like I was.

It's been good! A lot of ups and downs, but even at my lowest, I never felt as bad as I did for 20+ years living in poverty with toxic family.

I agree with you, but it's a controversial opinion lol. Most people tend to defend their life choices, and the people I meet always fall into two camps: Those who moved out and have more difficult/independent lives (due to financially supporting and taking care of themselves), and those who stayed with their parents and are now wealthier because they didn't have to pay rent. Neither group tends to think the other group made the right decision.

It's totally a YMMV kind of thing, everyone is in a different situation in their lives.
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post #12 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 11:20 AM
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post #13 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 03:00 PM
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Another thing that springs to mind is this: over the years I've cut off a couple of very close friends, people I'd known for a long time. I regret doing that now - although I'm still in contact with 2 of the most important ones. (just the odd message on Messenger)

I did it mostly out of my own inadequacies - at the time I didn't feel like I wanted to explain what I was going through, and I knew especially one of them would want to know everything. A few times I also did it because I was overly-sensitive - I think other people here will be familiar with that. We take offence far too easily, then push people away, then end up on our own.

We (I) need to be a bit more forgiving and give people a bit of a break sometimes. I need to learn to talk things though - not just get offended and push people away. I've always been able to do it with girlfriends or my wife for some reason, we always had fights and got over it - but with friends I find that very hard.
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post #14 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 03:16 PM
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I regret my past mistakes, I'm trying to do better at the moment.I just wish life wasn't so lonely, I haven't made any lasting friendships.
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post #15 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 05:08 PM
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post #16 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-18-2020, 02:22 AM
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looking back, i should have told my parents that i was being bullied in school....i should a dropped out of high school and gone to alternative school....i never knew but my local psych hospital had a school for mentally ill kids, where you could go, and also the teacher pupil ratio was 6:1

i kinda felt even if i had a changed high school for another high school, i would have feared the bullying would have followed me as the kids would have known jids in the other school
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post #17 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-18-2020, 02:49 AM
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Idk, it's kind of hard to say. The only real regret I have is that I didn't come out when I was a teenager. Most of the bad decisions I've made since then have been made in an effort to find ways to cope with that decision. But at the same time, coming out back then would have been a death sentence in a small redneck town in the 80s, so it's unrealistic for me to blame myself for avoiding something that would have been incredibly dangerous.

I love Society. It is entirely composed now of beautiful idiots and brilliant lunatics. Just what Society should be.
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post #18 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-18-2020, 03:25 AM
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Idk, it's kind of hard to say. The only real regret I have is that I didn't come out when I was a teenager. Most of the bad decisions I've made since then have been made in an effort to find ways to cope with that decision. But at the same time, coming out back then would have been a death sentence in a small redneck town in the 80s, so it's unrealistic for me to blame myself for avoiding something that would have been incredibly dangerous.
I would not have thought there would be any such thing as a redneck town in Canada even in the 80s. I guess I just don't know much about Canada.

/WYSD
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post #19 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-18-2020, 04:30 AM
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I would not have thought there would be any such thing as a redneck town in Canada even in the 80s. I guess I just don't know much about Canada.
Canada is nothing but wilderness and farms, with a few towns here and there. I grew up in a small, rural town surrounded by cows and corn. Ever seen Boys Don't Cry? That's the kind of place I grew up.

I love Society. It is entirely composed now of beautiful idiots and brilliant lunatics. Just what Society should be.
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post #20 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-18-2020, 08:11 AM Thread Starter
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Too many to list.

Should have finished school and at 18 take a backpack and travel on a motorcycle.
Wish i would have done that as well. Minus the motorcycle. Always wanted to be one of those kids who when they graduated college were about to go back pack through Europe or South America for a year like a lot of wealthy kids do. Would have been a great experience learning about different cultures and meeting different types of people.
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