Are you sympathetic? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-02-2020, 10:02 AM Thread Starter
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Are you sympathetic?

How sympathetic and lenient towards others (aka "society") regarding their quirks, awkwardness, egocentrical, irrational, annoying, inappropriate or antisocial behavior are you?

Just wondering, as most of us seem to demand or wish for understanding, acceptance and sympathy, yet quite some seem to feel nothing but contempt for "society."

Is this really just bitterness and resignation, or could it also be a form of projection (attributing to others which are actually your own thoughts or negative traits).
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post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-02-2020, 10:53 AM
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I always used to feel I was sympathetic but I wonder sometimes how genuine that is. I find it's a lot easier to feel sympathetic toward fictional characters or faraway strangers than someone who is immediately there. Contempt for society is a reaction to society's contempt for people who aren't social butterflies. Also its cruelty and mindlessness actually hurts people and animals so anger or contempt for it can actually be born from sympathy.
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post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-02-2020, 11:39 AM
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Much more than previous coworkers, they used to tell me all of the time that I was too nice and because of that people will walk all over me. Even so, I am ashamed by my own behavior at times and think I need to learn more patience. I'm not a very bitter person, I don't hold a grudge, and I don't spend a lot of time being angry at things. With all of that said, I do prefer to be away from people in general because I feel uncomfortable around them.

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post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-02-2020, 12:05 PM
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no. not to "society", people in general, flatmates, coworkers, etc. though I'm fairly unreasonably accepting of my friend and past gfs. I'm also kind of heartless towards family now that theres been distance between us. if I see a hurt animal I make a point of stopping to see if it needs help. humans, I walk on.

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post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-02-2020, 04:15 PM
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Depends. I can be. "Society" usually doesn't need my sympathy (as it tends to do enough feeling sorry for itself that one more person feeling sorry for it (or not) isn't going to do much). But (for example) the current situation with the virus thing is obviously something I'm sympathetic about. I guess I mean to say that I'm there with the sympathy when society needs (and deserves) it but I don't feel compelled to always be sympathetic.

I tend to lean more towards sympathy for individuals who society couldn't GAF about. In my view, they're the ones who need it most. Although having sympathy for certain types of people can be difficult. I have a hard time being sympathetic with people who are basically sociopaths. From time to time I try but they can be infuriating.

That sort of thing. I'm generally the wrong person to look to for sympathy if a person has a psychological issue that causes extremely disruptive behavior. Because when I get frustrated with that behavior, I just want it to stop. I have no shortage of empathy for people who don't do any damage but maybe reduced empathy for people who do.

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post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 12:47 AM
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I think people are essentially determined by their conditions. I don't blame animals for behaving the way they do, and I don't blame humans for behaving the way they do. At least, on a good day. Sometimes I forget how conditioned they are and blame them anyway. I don't hate people at all; I am very sympathetic. I don't wish harm on anyone, though I wish many people would change. I am, of course, very cautious and skeptical about people. Many of them are dangerous in one way or another and have to be avoided. But then, so are tigers. I don't really expect anyone to treat me differently than they currently do and I don't really blame other people for my experiences; I blame God or nature. My overall attitude toward people and society is neutral, though I try to make people's lives a little less painful if I can.

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I love Society. It is entirely composed now of beautiful idiots and brilliant lunatics. Just what Society should be.
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post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 07:41 AM
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Wouldn't matter if I were. I can't relate to people's life experience nor they to mine.

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post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 07:55 AM
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I oscillate wildly between extreme empathy (crying because I saw someone fall off a bike) and spluttering anger. Or I have done. I've had some therapy and now am working to channel that emotional overflow into something that's more constructive - compassion. Compassion is a little detached, can be applied universally and doesn't run out. It also allows me to care without operating my emotional response like a drunken boat.

Simply quirky behaviours have never posed a challenge for me (after all, I can be quite eccentric myself), but truly problematic behaviours (read: fear-driven anger and cruelty) - do. So many people around broken in so many different ways.

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post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 08:27 AM
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Sympathy is to have pity for someone in a situation or how they feel. I think when you refer to connecting on an emotional level without pity it's empathy.

With that said, I can feel empathy if someone is going through things that I had and/or the outcome of the matter on something due to understanding the reaction or feeling. Anything further I try to numb since it would bring heavier burdens than what one has to deal with on an individual level alone.
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post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 09:12 AM
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a bit, if i can relate to it. in order of what i think i have most of, i would say first its sentimentality (which isn't good), then sympathy then empathy. i dont have much empathy.

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post #11 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 10:40 AM
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I don't think I'm all that sympathetic as I don't find myself giving people the benefit of the doubt. Why? I don't know. Though, I do try to look at things from both sides. But sympathy often isnt enough in this world. I think a lot of members here have experienced bad treatment from people and this allows them to have a "me versus them" mentality, which I understand.
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post #12 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 11:05 AM
We all wear a mask.
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Not necessarily. I don't want anyone to harm themselves or anything so when I am talking to a person battling similar depressive issues as mine, I can be lenient in some regards but not because I feel some sort of deep sympathetic connection. I hardly feel anything when talking to people so I guess I'm on a personal quest to try and find individuals whom I can have deep, impactful, conversations with. No luck yet.

Back to the point of the topic though, when I do converse with mostly co-workers and the conversation detours into something more than just surface level banter, I find myself most times uninterested and even dumbfounded by the reasoning as to why some of them are quirky, depressed, awkward, et cetera. I find some of the reasons "stupid" to be honest and I know that sounds narcissistic, self-aggrandizing, and all-around horrible but it is the truth. I never tell them this to their faces however because I know the belittlement of ones problems can be detrimental to some because as silly as some of those problems are to me, they are all too real for others.

Part of the reason why I don't show much sympathy towards others plights is because simply, no one cares about mine. I've battled depression for years now, have confided in people whom have said that they would lend an ear only to be castigated and forgotten like a leper. These folks would abandon me when they said that they would be there for me. Most of these interactions have happened in my teens to early 20s with a few sprinkled in now in my late 20s although now, I'm less bothered by my social ineptitude and realize that in the past, others have taken advantage of my altruism. Now? I'm much more focused on myself and personal goals.

I still have depression, anxiety and weird quirks but I work on them by myself. No one else will fix them for me. Again, I know it's quite arrogant but when I find that others can't do that like me, I don't really have much sympathy; They have none for me.

TL;DR - No. I'm probably a bitter jackass but oh well, if you chose to read this tl;dr, I hope you choose to read my full statement above too.

We haven't lived in anything remotely close to "real" since the turn of the century.
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post #13 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 01:01 PM Thread Starter
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Wow, thank you guys for your many interesting, thorough and open replies! 🙂

The question was aiming at something that was bothering me, but now I don't want to spoil this thread. I'll just let it be!
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post #14 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 01:42 PM
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I'm sympathetic if the person is still trying.
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post #15 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-04-2020, 11:31 PM
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My heart is as cold and unrelenting as steel sharpen in artic ice. Nah, I'm pretty empathetic and sympathetic to others, I just keep it to myself. I rarely find myself in situations outside of family, where I have to display it outwardly, so it's one of many qualities I have that goes unnoticed.

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I stay patient
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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-04-2020, 11:58 PM
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Having endured heavy covert narcissistic abuse from my mom for most of my life and counting, I am very well conditioned to have great leniency and tolerance of anti-social behavior from others. Because most of that I experienced from others, mostly seems like cakewalk compare to her. I only realized this when I often get surprised at how easily others typically get annoyed or angry at small annoyances and agitation compare to myself. Eventually I figured they were the normal ones and I am the abnormal one for having higher tolerance for the bullcrap of others. Might just be my silver lining of looking at things.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-05-2020, 12:23 AM
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Depends. I'm much more sympathetic than most about some things, and much less about others. Intentions and effort are important factors, but my tolerance for willful ignorance is very low.

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"Many people need desperately to receive this message: 'I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.'" ― Kurt Vonnegut
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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-05-2020, 02:50 AM
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Yes for the most part people can't help their nature or formative years life experiences, good people do bad things & bad people do good things, What is good ? What is bad ? on the grand scale every experience is as valid as the last.

The nature of the universe itself is ordered chaos, ultimately how can we ever be more than that, we're born of the same material.

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-05-2020, 08:32 AM
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Can't really feel sympathetic towards people who are self-centred and entitled, even if they have mental health issues. Our feelings are not within our control but our behaviour is.

i'm serious
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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-13-2020, 10:29 AM
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I consider myself a misanthrope introverted *******, but I seem to understand why people do the things they do more then everybody else around me.
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