The lost art of people pleasing - - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 10-13-2009, 10:24 AM Thread Starter
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The lost art of people pleasing -

When I was younger it was automatic for me to fall into the people pleasing role. The words,actions and even facial expressions were a natural part of each day. It has now become almost impossible to assimilate in this way. I'm at a loss as to exactly where my "talent" went and if this is truely a positive or a negative. Is this the true me sans the mask or a sign of bitterness/anger? Am I now a more honest human being who is no longer dependant on fakery or a hard person who can't be bothered to such a degree with others opinions? As you age is your talent/curse in this area diminishing??

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 10-14-2009, 09:43 AM
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I think people-pleasing drains the self. Why should I have the burden of making sure everyone around me is happy? It's not my responsibility. Who is going to make me happy?

I was a people-pleaser for like 40 yrs. and, for me, that's what leads to resentment & bitterness. I finally looked around and saw that everyone else is allowed to be themselves and no one holds it against them, so why shouldn't I be able to be my real self too?

I think I'm a pretty good person, or at least not mean, so I realized I don't have to go way out of my way to be nice! I already am nice!

I don't like the idea of giving up my true self and it's natural expression for another person.

The habit of people-pleasing can easily turn into self-compromise. I compromised myself so much for years and it's not worth it! It was hard to admit, but I finally realized that the reason I was people-pleasing was to try to make sure the other person liked me (didn't reject me). I would do just about anything (including giving up my self) to avoid rejection. In a way I was being manipulative. Just not the Malicious kind, rather it was a self-protective kind.

Only problem is the SA gets in the way of me freely expressing myself live in person a lot. So what i do then is try to leave the situation or avoid a person if I feel I can't be my true self around them.

Now, I do anything to avoid being fake.

I don't need anyone to approve of what I say or do...but it's always nice when someone does.

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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 02-15-2016, 06:29 AM
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im definately a people pleaser. i find it very draining too. i am not as bad as i used to be. i find myself agreeing to things i have no interest in during conversations. i even say ive heard of a movie or a band when havent or that i like a certain movie or a band when i dont. I'm not as bad as i used to be when i was a bit younger but still way too much.
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