People dislike me because I'm quiet. - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 26 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 11:06 AM Thread Starter
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People dislike me because I'm quiet.


As the title says.


The most upsetting thing is my dad also complains to me about it. He says "don't you ever feel like talking?"


I don't fit into this society and I never will. I am a 31 year old man and I feel more alone than ever. I never imagined I would live this long. I wanted to die at 17 because social anxiety and depression were overwhelming. I wish I had... because there is nothing for me here.



I want to go far away but I don't know where. I wish there was somewhere I belonged.
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post #2 of 26 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 11:18 AM
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me too, a lot of people. not all people are like that. tired of being a pariah.

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post #3 of 26 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 11:59 AM
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Yeah I tend to be quiet & avoid people if I have the choice & I think some see it as that I hate them or I'm stuck up, something off, their reaction sometimes in turn makes me avoid them more.

It's a vicious cycle, fear, family, indulging in unhealthy avoidance techniques kept me around this long, but I also feel life doesn't have much for me, the older you get the worse it is.






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Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
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post #4 of 26 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 11:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by morrissey19 View Post
As the title says.


The most upsetting thing is my dad also complains to me about it. He says "don't you ever feel like talking?"


I don't fit into this society and I never will. I am a 31 year old man and I feel more alone than ever. I never imagined I would live this long. I wanted to die at 17 because social anxiety and depression were overwhelming. I wish I had... because there is nothing for me here.



I want to go far away but I don't know where. I wish there was somewhere I belonged.

A lot of people here are the same way so if anything you can fit in with this forum.

Don't let people treat you like dirt.
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post #5 of 26 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 02:32 PM
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I don't feel like people dislike me because of it. I feel pretty much invisible because of it and that suits me just fine, TBH. The only social attention I ever got was negative attention so I was happy not to have people even notice me at all when all that stopped.

/WYSD
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post #6 of 26 (permalink) Old 10-21-2019, 03:52 AM
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I get that too but I do wanna improve my people skills and at least make some contribution to conversations. It'll probably require researching into what everyone is into and try to jump into the convo once in a while, not necessarily have to be the center of attention but at least they see that we're not stuck up or something like that. Easier said than done, I know. But perhaps this is where medication can help us out a little, just to calm our nerves down a notch so we can be more relaxed in social situations? Just my opinion.
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post #7 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-07-2020, 01:25 PM
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This is so me.


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post #8 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-07-2020, 01:32 PM
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in my experience, maybe there isn't a place you could find where you belong, but you can make your own place of belonging. like a literal treehouse, where you do something you care about. go on the internet and find people who care about it too and ask them to come over. i don't know, i am talking from imagination and not from the brain. it would be nice to do something like that. the only person i socialize with for a long time is my boyfriend and i am just now looking at myself and realizing i've been shut off for a long time without any effort not to be. now i've made it about myself but... anyway, it would be nice to do something like that

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post #9 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-07-2020, 01:50 PM
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Yeah, I don't feel like anybody really dislikes me though I'm sure some people think I'm annoying. The good news is that I don't have 100's of people trying to get me to go out and do things that I wouldn't want to do. The more you are liked, the more you are going to have to deal with people wanting you to go do extrovert activities. Screw that. I've perfected the art of keeping people at the perfect distance. They don't hate me, but they don't like me enough to want to hang out. I don't understand why people would feel bad about it, but I guess I just cannot see the appeal of packed bars, parties, packed music festivals, etc. that everybody else seems to crave.

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post #10 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-26-2020, 06:07 AM
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I feel the same way. Sa is depressing and overwhelming. I can't even make decent friends online that last.irl i will never have friends. I wish i died at 17 too. Life is worse than ever. I will never fit it anywhere.😿😿😿
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post #11 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-26-2020, 06:51 AM
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Ask other people questions, be interested in what they say, practice active listening. People fundamentally have the desire to feel like what they say matters to someone. If you're not a very good speaker then you can be a good listener, which is actually more important imo Imagine a society full of blabbermouths? God that would be awful.

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post #12 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-26-2020, 07:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by morrissey19 View Post
As the title says.


The most upsetting thing is my dad also complains to me about it. He says "don't you ever feel like talking?"


I don't fit into this society and I never will. I am a 31 year old man and I feel more alone than ever. I never imagined I would live this long. I wanted to die at 17 because social anxiety and depression were overwhelming. I wish I had... because there is nothing for me here.



I want to go far away but I don't know where. I wish there was somewhere I belonged.
Nothing wrong with being a quiet person. Maybe... could it be perhaps its because of your apologeticness to your being quiet that's why people don't like it? Like for example, a quiet man is always apologizing for being quiet and other people hate it.. so it's like the man wants others to bear with him... How about.... turn it around and instead, be okay with being a quiet person. It's like saying 'so what' to other people, I'm quiet, and that's your problem not mine.

This reminds me of a quote that I heard:

"I hate when people ask me 'Why are you so quiet?' Because I am. That's how I function. I don't ask others 'Why are you so noisy? Why do you talk so much?' It's rude."

Remember, your views and what you have to say matter to others AND to yourself
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post #13 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-26-2020, 08:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MyViewsMatter View Post
Nothing wrong with being a quiet person. Maybe... could it be perhaps its because of your apologeticness to your being quiet that's why people don't like it? Like for example, a quiet man is always apologizing for being quiet and other people hate it.. so it's like the man wants others to bear with him... How about.... turn it around and instead, be okay with being a quiet person. It's like saying 'so what' to other people, I'm quiet, and that's your problem not mine.

This reminds me of a quote that I heard:

"I hate when people ask me 'Why are you so quiet?' Because I am. That's how I function. I don't ask others 'Why are you so noisy? Why do you talk so much?' It's rude."
I like this! I think I am sort of in between this and what morrissey19 said. There are good days and bad days, but whether or not I feel bad about myself while someone is guilting me, I will in the end feel like it is completely valid and respectable to be quiet. After all, if I only ever meet kindred people I can be extraverted.

bird
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post #14 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-29-2020, 08:11 PM
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I feel so much the same way. I never feel a sense of belonging. These other people I'm referring to as neurotypicals. The other night on TV someone asked a woman "You don't like to talk much do you?" It kind of irritated me even though it was a show because I used to be in situations where I was humiliated and teased for not talking.

"A simple man believes everything he hears; a clever man understands the need for proof." Proverbs 14:15-The New English Bible
'O the depth of God's richness and wisdom and knowledge! How unsearchable his judgements are and past tracing out his ways are!'-Romans 11:33
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post #15 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-29-2020, 09:37 PM
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People tend to treat with disdain and dislike those that they can't understand. Quiet people tend to come off more mysterious and aloof, so that is why they get that treatment more than loud people.



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post #16 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-30-2020, 02:16 AM
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When I was younger, I had come to the conclusion that people disliked and mocked me being quiet and reserved because I might have inadvertently showed them up on their self-presentation, ego or put a damper on them somehow. Or they maybe thought, I thought I was better than them.

To my surprise these days I quite often get positive feedback that people seem to actually appreciate quiet and reserved people!

I was actually told in several job interviews and given recognition after first days at work about how fed up they were with people with huge egos, promoting themselves very wordily, talking really big. But often it was only hollow words and their work was pretty inadequate. But of course they always found many excuses.

Of course, I don't work in an area where it's all about self-presentation or talking people into things. It's only about getting that work done.

And it helps to manage at least a little bit of small talk every now and then and show interest in other people.
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post #17 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-30-2020, 07:48 AM
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There are advantages and disadvantages to being a loud and quiet person (these are relatives, correct me if I'm wrong)

The loud person is seen as more confident, assertive, taking action but the downside is that they are unstable, too emotional, controlled by their external environment, likely to be in trouble.

The quiet person is seen as more in control, can handle crisis situation, smart, not engaging in foolish talk, successful in the long run and successful behind the scene or not obvious. But the downside is that they are easily looked down by society, seen as weak, not confident, not taking action, having too much patiences, easily forgotten.

Hmmmm, perhaps the point here is that the ideal normal person should have a balance of both loud and quiet. And not be too stuck on one end or the other end. So then the person has all those above qualities. And what's really powerful is that the person has the freedom of choice to switch between qualities depending on the social situation.

Remember, your views and what you have to say matter to others AND to yourself
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post #18 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-30-2020, 08:40 AM
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I feel you.

Sometimes I feel like the word 'quiet' has haunted me all throughout middle school, high school, and even college. Hell, the first few jobs I worked people would sometimes treat me like there's something seriously wrong with me, as if simply being introverted is a mental illness.

And people do tend to be very hostile towards the quiet ones, at least that's how it seems in my experience.
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post #19 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-30-2020, 09:06 AM
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I understand what your saying all too well!

I have such bad anxiety around people, especially my dad (because he's really extraverted and for some reason really spunky and confident people intimidate me).

Whenever someone shows me something funny, I can't laugh because I just can't. I don't know why, but when I'm alone, that's the only time I feel like genuinely laughing.
Like my dad, he will show me funny videos and I will just sit there and the whole thing is awkward, especially because I can't freaking find it in me to laugh around others.
It's just... weird! Then I try to fake laugh and that only makes things more weird.


I can't make jokes, I can't hold up a conversation AT ALL, and I cannot relate to ANYONE.
I'm so awkward that no one really wants to talk to me and when I'm in a group, I'm the weird girl. Or even the odd one out, I guess.
I'm not a very likeable and even boring person because of all these characteristics, but I am very wise and intellegent.
And though I have to deal with bipolar on top of that, It makes me extremely creative.

H.P.
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post #20 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-01-2020, 12:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HeatherGrey View Post
I understand what your saying all too well!

I have such bad anxiety around people, especially my dad (because he's really extraverted and for some reason really spunky and confident people intimidate me).

Whenever someone shows me something funny, I can't laugh because I just can't. I don't know why, but when I'm alone, that's the only time I feel like genuinely laughing.
Like my dad, he will show me funny videos and I will just sit there and the whole thing is awkward, especially because I can't freaking find it in me to laugh around others.
It's just... weird! Then I try to fake laugh and that only makes things more weird.
Same with me and my father. And I don't have the heart to tell him it's not funny. Our ideas of what is funny are completely different.
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