new almost 40 year old - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-03-2019, 10:32 AM Thread Starter
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new almost 40 year old


hey guys, just thought of making an account here. I'm not looking for solutions or anything because I see no improvement in my life. I didn't find a solution in the past 20 years so what could possibly change in the future? I'm just here to vent/complain, to exist perhaps.

I have basically no life, I'm a zombie, dead on the inside. I have never had any goals, ambitions, dreams, I have no passions either although I follow sports, cinema, music a bit of politics but as I said not passionately. Still live at the old folks house, good people but still pretty depressing my age, never had a relationship, sex obviously also out of the question, never had a job either raise from some day jobs years and years ago. I got a friend or 2 ( leftovers from high school) but I rather be on my own, don't talk to them often, also good people but they don't understand me, don't blame them I don't understand myself either.

Anyway that's me in a nutshell, so hello...
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-03-2019, 10:38 AM Thread Starter
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Also I feel generally uncomfortable among people, even family. I'm never enthusiastic, I'm quiet, boring/bored don't build friendships, feel nervous around people.

Wanted to add this to my initial post, couldn't find the edit button...
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-03-2019, 10:59 AM
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The most important questions to ask yourself (IMO) are....

1. How is your general (physical) health?

2. If (reasonably) good, how many more years do you think that will be so?

3. What will happen if one or both of your parents die? Have they made any financial arrangements for such an eventuality so that you won't be left in a bad situation?

4. If they haven't, what are the conditions in your country for people who are unemployed and financially broke?

I say these are your most pressing concerns simply because they are. If something happens to your parents and you end up on the street, your overall health will be the most important factor. Everything you can think of is much harder if you're in a poor state of health.

/WYSD
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-03-2019, 11:07 AM
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hey. feel about the same. welcome

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-03-2019, 11:35 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WillYouStopDave View Post
The most important questions to ask yourself (IMO) are....

1. How is your general (physical) health?

2. If (reasonably) good, how many more years do you think that will be so?

3. What will happen if one or both of your parents die? Have they made any financial arrangements for such an eventuality so that you won't be left in a bad situation?

4. If they haven't, what are the conditions in your country for people who are unemployed and financially broke?

I say these are your most pressing concerns simply because they are. If something happens to your parents and you end up on the street, your overall health will be the most important factor. Everything you can think of is much harder if you're in a poor state of health.
1. Decent although I have a chronic bowl illness
2. Unfortunately for many more years (yes I understand the meaning of my words)
3. I don't know what will happen, I pretend to them and everyone else that I'm strong and know what I'm doing and it'll all come good in the end
4. those conditions are bad everywhere, I'll just end up homeless

Some more points I forgot to make in the first post. I'm very shy, reserved, I seem to lack normal social skills. I'm not particularly intelligent either 'though I got a degree in communications (how ironic), I perceive myself as generally less intelligent than other people, I'm definitely extremely insecure.
Social situations are not fun, the insecurity flares up to 100%, I choke when someones asks me something I'm not prepared for. I avoid most social contact.
Looking for a job was hell until I gave up, I felt better after I gave up because I didn't feel the weight on my shoulders anymore but it's been 10 years and counting. Chances of me finding a steady job are close to zero I guess I'll never be self sufficient.

Anyway thanks for making me feel welcome. Like I said I don't expect help, I'm just here perhaps to meet people who recognize themselves in me. Not that I wish anyone to be like me but I feel let's say unique in a bad way.
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-03-2019, 12:34 PM
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I came here to vent too and exist as well. I don’t ever see things getting better for myself either. They have a blog section if you ever feel like utilizing it, it feels nice to vent your frustrations when there’s nowhere else on the forum you feel like venting. You can apparently even turn commenting off. I saw you clicked my profile and checked out your posts, hope you like it here. Some people are nice around here.

I can relate to that part of choking up, when in social situations and I have conversations I tend to get teary eyed and my voice starts to crack. It’s easier just avoiding social situations altogether for myself, but I’m going to try and make friends soon. Why would you rather be on your own instead of having the friends you do have now? I’m having trouble understanding that, is it hard on you to have them as friends? I remember when I had friendships it was very exhausting on me emotionally to keep up with them, but now I wish for them back. In the end we drifted apart and don’t speak anymore. What kind of movies and music are you into?

pretty when I cry
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-03-2019, 01:11 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by BeautyandRage View Post
I came here to vent too and exist as well. I donít ever see things getting better for myself either. They have a blog section if you ever feel like utilizing it, it feels nice to vent your frustrations when thereís nowhere else on the forum you feel like venting. You can apparently even turn commenting off. I saw you clicked my profile and checked out your posts, hope you like it here. Some people are nice around here.

I can relate to that part of choking up, when in social situations and I have conversations I tend to get teary eyed and my voice starts to crack. Itís easier just avoiding social situations altogether for myself, but Iím going to try and make friends soon. Why would you rather be on your own instead of having the friends you do have now? Iím having trouble understanding that, is it hard on you to have them as friends? I remember when I had friendships it was very exhausting on me emotionally to keep up with them, but now I wish for them back. In the end we drifted apart and donít speak anymore. What kind of movies and music are you into?
I get teary eyes often especially when I need to talk about myself but I fight back the tears every time (luckily).

I have always been a loner, as a kid I had fun on my own. I prefer doing everything on my own from taking walks to watching a film or just sitting in the sofa. The friends I have are all very very successful in life, I don't feel like I belong to that group, I don't like being around them anymore, they grew up, I didn't. They are the exact opposite of me. They like to do stuff, going on trips, have dinners etc. I feel way too insecure to do those things plus I just don't feel like doing it, I'm very boring. I have drifted away from them but we still meet up 2 or 3 times a year.
I also feels this enormous amount of pressure as if I can't live up to other peoples expectations. In social gatherings I'm afraid to bore people, I never know what to talk about. In my teens I often acted like a clown so people would laugh, after a while nobody took me serious anymore because I was always acting like a fool. Now I just act like a weirdo, either smiling constantly or wear a constant frown. Anyway whatever I do I always feel like I'm being watched and judged. In a way I probably am because of my non existent life. If only I found the courage to find a job when I graduated but now I'm in my late 30s the only thing I'm getting is weird looks when I mention my situation (if someone asks me).
I always found it hard to look for a job since I have no interests or passions, I don't even feel the need to earn money to buy worthless materialistic things. I just don't care about it all.

I've done nothing else but watching films really the last 10 years, from old classics to odd arty films. But I'm growing a bit tired of those too, I feel like I've seen everything cinema has to offer. Anyway I love the works of Brian De Palma and Jacques Tati to name two. Same with music. Grew up with Michael Jackson, discovered the Beatles and Bob Dylan, got into metal, jazz, folk and now I'm in a phase of loving Marvin Gaye. Modern music is unknown to me (not saying it's bad)
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-03-2019, 01:32 PM
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I feel a bit uncomfortable around family too, think it's because they're the only ones who know how sad my life is and they always unintentionally say things that makes me feel like a loser, like today they just reminded I have no one.

But I do watch a lot of films like you, feels like that's all I've been doing since I left school, haven't done anything else with my life.
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-04-2019, 04:59 AM
Poorly tuned
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by conantheworthless View Post
Anyway thanks for making me feel welcome. Like I said I don't expect help, I'm just here perhaps to meet people who recognize themselves in me. Not that I wish anyone to be like me but I feel let's say unique in a bad way.

Well, I mean I hope I didn't make you feel unwelcome by jumping right into stuff you've probably got anxiety about already. I didn't really mean it that way. It's just that I'm pretty much in the same situation only I'm further down the line where my parents are still alive but not in good health. So I've been kind of staring it in the face for the past few years and am having a lot of thoughts about stuff that I should have done when I still had my health and relative youth on my side.

I did not expect things to deteriorate as rapidly as they did. Particularly my own health. I expected my parents to become less and less healthy but I guess I thought that even if that happened I would still be at full capacity on what I could realistically do. Like if I had to, I could have survived in a homeless situation when I was in my late 20s and early 30s. The age thing gets you. I guess I just hate to see other people going the same way and not knowing what to expect.

/WYSD
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-04-2019, 02:19 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WillYouStopDave View Post
Well, I mean I hope I didn't make you feel unwelcome by jumping right into stuff you've probably got anxiety about already. I didn't really mean it that way. It's just that I'm pretty much in the same situation only I'm further down the line where my parents are still alive but not in good health. So I've been kind of staring it in the face for the past few years and am having a lot of thoughts about stuff that I should have done when I still had my health and relative youth on my side.

I did not expect things to deteriorate as rapidly as they did. Particularly my own health. I expected my parents to become less and less healthy but I guess I thought that even if that happened I would still be at full capacity on what I could realistically do. Like if I had to, I could have survived in a homeless situation when I was in my late 20s and early 30s. The age thing gets you. I guess I just hate to see other people going the same way and not knowing what to expect.
It's true you made me feel uneasy with your post but no harm done!
My parents are relatively healthy , though they have lots of physical complaints. It's only a good 2 years now that I started to get concerned for my future, I never really thought about it but then suddenly you start noticing people of your age buying properties, having kids etc... It also doesn't help when people comment on tv or in real life that people in their 30s should really live by themselves. It makes me feel bad immediately and it often lasts for days. But as I said I can't see it changing, I have no money, no job, no experience, I'm single. How can I ever afford rent? I don't even know how to start looking for a place, what to look out for, what costs it involves. I know nothing.

I have family apart from my parents but there is no way I'll live with them, I never want that, it wouldn't help me one bit.

The insecurity/anxiety I feel for life in general feels like a ton or two on my shoulders. I don't tell anybody about my feelings because nobody would understand. They' d just say get a grip and get on with your life! Obviously I'm thinking the same thing every single day and it's not helping me one bit, in fact talking about it with someone makes me feel even more like a stone cold loser (thank you Trump for teaching me this word) and I'll feel bad for days or weeks afterwards.

But here I can get things of my chest, even if nobody reads it. For now that's good I guess.
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 02:17 PM
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Best of luck, OP. What part of the country are you in?

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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 02:46 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks Hypestyle! I'm not from the USA, I'm in Europe
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