Making friends with older people? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-03-2019, 12:06 PM Thread Starter
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Making friends with older people?

Hello all,
I was just curious if any of you find yourself becoming closer, or feeling more connected to people who are 25, maybe even 30 + years older than you (nothing romantic, just friendships)? I just tuned 30 and I'm starting to realize that I lost a lot of my childhood friends over the years. Now I am in grad school and I find myself feeling more connected to some of my classmates who are 25-30 years older than me.

The 30 year age gap probably doesn't seem like a huge deal to some. And honestly, I didn't think much of it until my mom said, "wow, it seems like your friends are a lot older than you."
There are plenty of students in my program that are closer to my age, but I don't feel close to them for whatever reason. And apparently they don't feel close to me.

I'm probably overthinking this, but I just was curious if anyway else has thought about this. Also, I see nothing wrong being an "old soul" : ) It's also nice to have someone to talk to. Haven't had that in a while.
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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-03-2019, 01:48 PM
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I'm 35 and my workout partner is 60. He's been working out consistently for over 40 years and most people his age don't work out much and most people my age don't have the time to spend on a hobby like I do. Works out well for both of us. Sometimes my girlfriend and I go on double dates with him and his wife. They're really nice people.
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-04-2019, 12:28 PM
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I think it’s good to be friends or associate yourself with people of all ages. You are limiting yourself if you just choose people who are only in your age group. Life isn’t like school where you are grouped according to age. 🙂 As long as you get along and enjoy their company who cares?

Older friends can be great mentors and give good advice when needed. For me, older friends also reduce my fear of aging lol! 😛
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-05-2019, 12:00 PM
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Opposite. Most of my friends are younger. I rarely meet people in their 30's.
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-05-2019, 07:48 PM
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Doesn't matter the age. Sometimes you just have a "meeting of the minds" with someone. Probably my mom's best friend was this lady who was 30 years older than her. She was the mother of one of my mom's high school classmates. My mother befriended the classmate but turns out she got along with the mother even more.

She was kind of a pseudo-grandmother for me. Real cool older lady. Liberal and would use swear words. Her husband (wealthy doctor) died in a swimming pool accident in his 40s and eventually she became a hermit. Agoraphobia I think. Only left the house for medical appointments. But she was a social hermit. Had lots of visitors over at her house. Talked on the phone with lots of friends. She had 3 kids but only ever had one grandchild. I was the 2nd grandkid so to speak. She'd bake cookies for me all the time. Had a swimming pool in her backyard. She always had one little, old fat dog and couple cats. Her daughter would get little old dogs for her from the shelter and they soon became fat in her care. If one died, she'd get a another little, old dog. She'd call me frequently. Sent me lots of postcards. Man if only she had lived to experience the age of the internet. She would have really loved the internet. Died in 1999.
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-05-2019, 11:18 PM
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-06-2019, 03:52 AM
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why so tightly knitted this forced equal age?

outer join reaps far more results successful
open up

all girlfriends 4 years younger than me? that entire problem?my fault?

friends 10 years senior.

my bro 30 years senior. we never get on.
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 03:06 AM
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I think lack of confidence makes me avoid similar age groups.
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-07-2020, 01:27 PM
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-01-2020, 06:09 AM
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I think it is easier to make friends with people way older than me. I have no confidence talking to younger people or people around my age.i never will have that confidence.
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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-10-2020, 06:34 PM
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I find that I connect a lot easier with older people. I don't seem to have much in common with people my own age or younger. In my late 20s, I developed a friendship with someone 40 years older than me. He ended up being a spiritual mentor to me until he passed away. There were no pretenses or games, just a "meeting of the minds" as someone else said.
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-07-2020, 06:01 AM
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Older people might be easier to approach because they are not your peer, subconsciously they might look at you as a younger sibling. Something to look after.

I've personally haven't formed any bond with anyone more than two years older than me. The idea is very strange to me. Not because I don't like the idea neccisarily.

I have a supervisor at work who is a bit younger than me, and has this sort of bond with another colleague who is the same age as my dad. Meaning they seemed to do extra activities outside of work. Go drinking, dancing, play cribbage, have bbq's. I get along fine with this person as a peer, but some sociological differences present a barrier to form a similar bond which I guess the 30 year old and the 70 year old have similarities about.

-As always-
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-07-2020, 06:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Greenmacaron View Post
I think itís good to be friends or associate yourself with people of all ages.
I think so as well.

I hang out with people who are in their 20s and in their 60s and it's all cool. The most important thing I learned was not to treat them 'according to their age'. When I talk & behave like myself, we will either click or not. If I don't, and try to adapt to what I perceive as age-appropriate conversation, the friendship ends up being inauthentic and unsatisfying (maybe because I'm being a patrionising jerk).

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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-08-2020, 01:59 AM
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Some time ago I might have said younger people were easier but that's not necessarily true. I've had quite a few younger friends and while I liked them after a while I just found that they couldn't really relate to me. I do have one friend that's in her mid 30's - she's had a pretty full life though.

In general I guess what I'm saying is that to make deep connection to someone you need to have a similar level of life experience or understanding of it.

In saying that I often feel more intimidated by people my own age - because I feel that I don't have what they often do - like a house of their own etc. If anything I've probably had a similar level of life experience though or maybe more. I very rarely find young people intimidating. Often they can be more understanding - or forgiving. But that's probably a generalisation too because some aren't.
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-08-2020, 03:22 AM
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Feels awkward and I usually back pedal to avoid befriending much older people when I was younger. The older I got, the more I realize how much I can actually relate to them in terms of conversation, enough to develop a friendship. As long as you have an opened mind about it. As how one should try to be with most things in life.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

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post #16 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-16-2020, 10:51 PM
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Making friends with older people?

I never really got along with people my age but way older people. I used to like my workplace because it was full of 60+ year olds and it was fun to talk and interact with them. I mostly get annoyed and aggravated with young people in general.
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