Laments of a 41-year-old virgin - Page 23 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #441 of 453 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 08:07 AM
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I'm a 38 year old virgin and thats not what frustrates me. The fact that i can't connect with another person, which leads to sex, is what bothers me. I have the whole eye contact problem. It's messed up.

Do you have any male friends or do you just have the problem connecting with women? What is your issue with eye contact? Cant look someone in the eye? I have had issues with that as well.
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post #442 of 453 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 01:57 PM
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Very true. Im 41 as well just like the author of this thread. Sex makes you feel great at the moment and for a while after it. Gives you a sense of accomplishment for pulling it off and makes you feel more relaxed for a short time. But it wont solve all your life problems I can assure you.

That being said if you are a virgin you need to get that issue solved so you can move on to the next issue
I agree with you 100%

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post #443 of 453 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 05:13 PM Thread Starter
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guys, I'm sure you have heard this a million times before but having sex really doesn't solve anything.
I was a virgin when I was 23, not even a kiss from girls until then, Now at 28 I have had sex with 11 women, one trans-girl(?) and one 2 years relationship.
I'm not gonna say it didn't feel good because it did, but it didn't solve any of my problems, I'm still the same dumbass as before
plus that pain that I had after the breakup, it was like a knife stuck through my hurt for a long time.
so, a five year turnaround for you? Kudos.

So what was it? Were you dating all these women, or were they "casual" encounters? How did you facilitate this? how did you meet them? Mutual friends? Dating apps? formal events?

With the "tra__-girl" did you know about that status before you had intimacy?

I stop short of making assumptions about your situation (or anyone else's), but in my case, sex workers aren't an option for me (personal beliefs).

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post #444 of 453 (permalink) Old 08-28-2019, 01:48 AM
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so, a five year turnaround for you? Kudos.

So what was it? Were you dating all these women, or were they "casual" encounters? How did you facilitate this? how did you meet them? Mutual friends? Dating apps? formal events?

With the "tra__-girl" did you know about that status before you had intimacy?

I stop short of making assumptions about your situation (or anyone else's), but in my case, sex workers aren't an option for me (personal beliefs).
well, it all started when I developed the habit of going to the gym regularly, eating a strict diet and taking SSRI pills (this last one really helped).
except one, I met all of these girls from dating apps, and except two relationships, rest was just casual stuff.
and about trans-girl, yeah I knew, but it's okay for me.

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post #445 of 453 (permalink) Old 09-06-2019, 07:18 AM Thread Starter
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well, it all started when I developed the habit of going to the gym regularly, eating a strict diet and taking SSRI pills (this last one really helped).
except one, I met all of these girls from dating apps, and except two relationships, rest was just casual stuff.
and about trans-girl, yeah I knew, but it's okay for me.
oh okay. still no luck on apps for me. I'm desperate to have some general social events to attend, though, I have no illusions on being able to get dates out of them.

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post #446 of 453 (permalink) Old 09-06-2019, 08:25 AM
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oh okay. still no luck on apps for me. I'm desperate to have some general social events to attend, though, I have no illusions on being able to get dates out of them.

You live in Detroit. A major city. Try some meetup groups for a activity that your interested in.


Another good idea would be to try a speed dating event in your area. I did a quick search and here are a few in your area.


https://www.eventbrite.com/d/mi--detroit/speed-dating/
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post #447 of 453 (permalink) Old 09-06-2019, 09:32 AM
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I think Hype already has some experience with the Detroit speed dating scene, and it was less than productive. However, given the lack of other opportunities, he should probably keep giving that a go, taking care not to invest too much in the endeavor.
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post #448 of 453 (permalink) Old 09-06-2019, 09:28 PM
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I think Hype already has some experience with the Detroit speed dating scene, and it was less than productive. However, given the lack of other opportunities, he should probably keep giving that a go, taking care not to invest too much in the endeavor.
Why did his speed dating experience not got well? Should try it again it should be a completely different group of females. Good practice if nothing else. Ive meet some cool women at those events.


If he is concerned about the cost you can buy it on Groupon cheap.


https://www.groupon.com/deals/pre-da...-and-ann-arbor
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post #449 of 453 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 01:25 PM
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For me it's not the actual act that I feel like I'm missing out on. Like someone above wrote "Sex makes you feel great at the moment and for a while after it.".

It's more the feeling of not being selected, not worthy of it? Not even considered as an option? While other guys, seemingly a-holes don't have the same problem.
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post #450 of 453 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 03:00 PM
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For me it's not the actual act that I feel like I'm missing out on. Like someone above wrote "Sex makes you feel great at the moment and for a while after it.".

It's more the feeling of not being selected, not worthy of it? Not even considered as an option? While other guys, seemingly a-holes don't have the same problem.
I actually don't really care about "sex" anymore. It used to trouble me up to my mid-twenties than I completely stopped thinking about that.

I am also not upset about not being "selected", because to be selected you need to give women an option. You need to at least reach to them. Thing I nearly never did.

Yesterday, after leaving work I saw a young girl waiting in front of a physiotherapy cabinet. When she saw me, she started to smile, crossed her legs and even said "bonsoir" -> (good evening). I looked at her and also gave her a good evening and then simply went my way.
I think she was open to a talk. But I didn't do anything. And she was really good looking but most likely in her early twenties.

So I am my worst devil and have mostly myself to blame for the pathetic state I am in.

And a-holes are often big mouthed and confident. So they are likely to harass a woman to get its way. People with SA stay at home and look at the floor when seeing a cute female.

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post #451 of 453 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 03:10 PM
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I actually don't really care about "sex" anymore. It used to trouble me up to my mid-twenties than I completely stopped thinking about that.

I am also not upset about not being "selected", because to be selected you need to give women an option. You need to at least reach to them. Thing I nearly never did.

Yesterday, after leaving work I saw a young girl waiting in front of a physiotherapy cabinet. When she saw me, she started to smile, crossed her legs and even said "bonsoir" -> (good evening). I looked at her and also gave her a good evening and then simply went my way.
I think she was open to a talk. But I didn't do anything. And she was really good looking but most likely in her early twenties.

So I am my worst devil and have mostly myself to blame for the pathetic state I am in.

And a-holes are often big mouthed and confident. So they are likely to harass a woman to get its way. People with SA stay at home and look at the floor when seeing a cute female.
Yeah I think I can relate to not reaching them. I also tend to cut things short. Can you elaborate on why you didn't do anything in that particular situation?
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post #452 of 453 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 03:40 PM
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Yeah I think I can relate to not reaching them. I also tend to cut things short. Can you elaborate on why you didn't do anything in that particular situation?
I am a 32 years old virgin who never kissed a girl. I never went to a date. I don't know how to handle such a situation.

Let's say I walked up to her and started a chat. What would I end up saying? Ask her for her phone number? And than? Let's say she agrees and I have her number. I will have to date her. And one of my biggest fears is, that she finds out (and she would) that I never went to a date/kissed/had sex at over 30's.

It sounds strange, but I am really ashamed of the situation I am in.

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post #453 of 453 (permalink) Old Today, 09:46 AM
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I am a 32 years old virgin who never kissed a girl. I never went to a date. I don't know how to handle such a situation.

Let's say I walked up to her and started a chat. What would I end up saying? Ask her for her phone number? And than? Let's say she agrees and I have her number. I will have to date her. And one of my biggest fears is, that she finds out (and she would) that I never went to a date/kissed/had sex at over 30's.

It sounds strange, but I am really ashamed of the situation I am in.
I was about your age when I was with someone for the first time, so I can relate. Also never thought it would happen, but it did. And the girl didn't think it was weird. So I think some of your fears are unfounded. I made it a lot bigger in my head than it really is too - and it's not strange to do that.

Fast forward about 15 years later and now it's a different ballgame. Let's just say I really miss the attention I did get from girls. I felt awkward when girls would tease me, now would really like some woman to do that.
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