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Is this a step??

4K views 67 replies 8 participants last post by  Justjunk 
#1 ·
I’m in mid 30s. Isolated.

Today

I decided to activist my old fb. Decided to email an old friend of mine whom I ignored. Got a response. Left a comment on an old buddy on his fb. Asked a question to a store clerk. Went to a park and someone said a couple of things, I responded back and a short exchange. Felt a bit of anxiety so I Kinda shyed away from further exchanges.

All these caused me a fair amount of anxiety discomfort and stress.

Am I doing the right thing? Is this good? I have no idea. Everything’s pretty difficult and challenging for me for about past 5 years or so.

Id like to have some exchanges and interact with people hoping one day it won’t be such struggle...
 
#2 ·
I'm in mid 30s. Isolated.

Today

I decided to activist my old fb. Decided to email an old friend of mine whom I ignored. Got a response. Left a comment on an old buddy on his fb. Asked a question to a store clerk. Went to a park and someone said a couple of things, I responded back and a short exchange. Felt a bit of anxiety so I Kinda shyed away from further exchanges.

All these caused me a fair amount of anxiety discomfort and stress.

Am I doing the right thing? Is this good? I have no idea. Everything's pretty difficult and challenging for me for about past 5 years or so.

Id like to have some exchanges and interact with people hoping one day it won't be such struggle...
Yes! Awesome job. We have to face our fears to overcome them, and this is how you do it.

I like this oft quoted Stoic saying...

"The Obstacle Is The Way"

You're doing good. Keep at it.
 
#3 ·
It's definitely a good idea to get out of your shell a bit. As you say yourself you actually want to have a few interactions with people. :)

Make an effort to get a few interactions every day. Also socialise on this board. It helps you get back into the swing of things.
 
#4 ·
Today I’ve cleaned up my bathroom a bit. I’m trying to fix my bad diet habit and kept it up good. 2nd day of eating clean.

I went to two different parks today. I like the vibe of the park. I saw some couple of attractive ladies and gave me a bit of excitement. I guess I’m not dead inside after all. 2nd Park I went I actually initiated and asked a question about this persons dog. A guy also made a fun comment when we almost bumped into each other. It feels different in a good way when my focus is actually trying to push myself to interact more.

Oh also I forgot. I got a message back from an old friend of mine and she agreed to chat with me on a messenger app
 
#5 ·
I'm in mid 30s. Isolated.

Today

I decided to activist my old fb. Decided to email an old friend of mine whom I ignored. Got a response. Left a comment on an old buddy on his fb. Asked a question to a store clerk. Went to a park and someone said a couple of things, I responded back and a short exchange. Felt a bit of anxiety so I Kinda shyed away from further exchanges.

All these caused me a fair amount of anxiety discomfort and stress.

Am I doing the right thing? Is this good? I have no idea. Everything's pretty difficult and challenging for me for about past 5 years or so.

Id like to have some exchanges and interact with people hoping one day it won't be such struggle...
Yes! Awesome job. We have to face our fears to overcome them, and this is how you do it.

I like this oft quoted Stoic saying...

"The Obstacle Is The Way"

You're doing good. Keep at it.
Thank you 🙏
 
#7 ·
@Justjunk Well, you are already doing it.

Post in the threads and just join discussions. It's going to be like IRL. There will be good interactions, not so good interactions and some boring ones ;)

PM-ing people also works (for more personal interactions). Just don't expect to develop personal friendships. People with social anxiety tend to not be great at that. Lots of people on this board have commented on the difficulty of cultivating actual personal friendships. Some people have met up IRL though. Just don't expect too much in that regard.
 
#8 ·
Today. I did not go to the gym but worked out at home instead. I’ve been messaging back and forth with my old friend. Also left a comment on one of my old buddies on fb.

I’ve maintained clean diet.

Didn’t do extra cleaning today.

But I went to another park I haven’t been to and exchanged several small talks with one person.

There was one attractive girl that was Near by and sitting, but I felt too shy and scared to talk. Didn’t know what to say. But I still felt pretty good that I’m actually even thinking about talking to a stranger lady.
 
#9 ·
Today I cleaned up the house a little more.

Continued to message my old friend.

And hit up another old friend of mine and we had a long chat for about an hour through phone.

Went to one of the parks i went yesterday. I initiated a convo with a guy I haven’t seen before and we had long convo.

Also saw the guy I’ve met the day before and had several exchanges.

I noticed a lot of times my anxiety gets the hold of me and leave me feeling awkward and uncomfortable and start giving me exaggerated thoughts that doesn’t serve good purposes. So I tried to imagine of those thoughts being cleaned out. Like taking a shower to clean up dirt.
 
#10 ·
Been continuing with clean diet.
Continued talk with my old friend thru fb messenger.
Added a couple of old friends on fb.

Went to parks I went yesterday. Met one of the dudes I’ve been seeing there. Exchanged some small talks and got to know his name. And had a small talk for the first time with a kid I saw a couple of times there before.
Said something to a girl there. Too shy and scared to engage in small talks tho with females still.

Let’s keep going.
 
#11 ·
Not as eventful as other days. But did some new things.

Didn’t go to a park today so there weren’t many exchanges with others.

The friend I’ve been talking with thru fb messenger, perhaps fizzled out, we didn’t have any exchanges at all today.

But I texted another old friend of mine, and a couple of exchanges. Good to know there’s someone who sort of understands my situation.

Besides that it was just a short exchange with workers at restaurants and a gas station.

Oh and I wrote some gratitude journal log today. And did some extra yoga.

Been keeping up with good diet. Daily exercise at parks past few days and clean diet, I’m starting to see more definition in my physique.
 
#12 ·
Got the courage to finally go to the gym. Had some exchanges with the coach and my training partner.

Continued to exchange a bit with my old fb messenger friend.

Had a stressful thing happened that put a halt to my day, so I’ve been just resting so far.

Diets still clean. Trying to take it easy so my stress hormone will settle back to normal.
 
#13 ·
Woke up feeling still stressed from yesterday. It takes a while for my stress hormone to settle down back to normal.

I didn’t expect much today when it comes to socializing opportunities. But surprisingly and overwhelmingly more opportunities presented themselves.

Went to the community pool, had a short exchange with maintenance and had a longer exchanges with one of the neighbors.

Also I got the courage to talk to one of my old friends ex wife through fb.

Then I went to a restaurant to get some food and got to have a good conversation with the worker there.

Felt pretty excited and nervous at the same time.
 
#14 ·
Woke up feeling tired as hell but dragged my *** to the gym. Because I didn’t wanna miss the social opportunities. Turned out I did the right thing. I had lots of interaction with the new coach, one of the guys I met and another new guy I haven’t met before. I was getting hang of just chatting with people.

I continued to message my friends thru fb and started Instagram as well. It feels like a lot of work at times but I wanna continue to improve at it.

I also requested a couple of more people
on fb and ig as well.

Also I’ve been communicating with an old buddy of mine here on this forum through messaging
 
#15 ·
Yesterday morning I exchanged greeting with one of the moms from neighborhood.

Then went camping. Greeted and small exchanges from strangers here and there.

Today went bike riding around the beach and had to stop by several shops because I needed a couple of things. Lotta small exchanges with people. I saw many attractive ladies I wanted to talk to but still intimidated. But I’m starting to gear up and got pretty excited about this whole social thing.

Oh also I got to exchange DMs with a couple of old friends through IG.
 
#16 ·
Wasn’t so eventful today when it comes to actual interaction.

Just continued interactions through ig DM and being more proactive on IG mainly.

Had another stressful thing happened. I’m thinking about taking it easy until my stress hormone balance goes back to normal.
 
#18 ·
Tired waking up in the morning and I didn’t wanna go to the gym but it’s good I did. I initiated conversation and dropped in many times with the coach and a newcomer. Enjoyed it. Getting better and getting my weird wacky sense of humor back.

A few exchanges with a worker at auto shop cuz I needed to get my oil changed.

I’m physically tired today from getting little sleep and waking up early for the gym.

Continued exchanges through ig dm with a few of my friends
 
#20 ·
Today unexpectedly went well. I had a short exchange with a neighbor then some exchanges with maintenance. A call with a manager.

Went to a beach, I saw an attractive mom with a baby and I initiated a small talk and her husband(?) I think. Something i usually wouldn’t do. So I was pretty stoked about it.
 
#22 ·
Been less motivated today. But turned out pretty decent towards the end. Went to a park I frequent and had small exchanges with several ppl and I even participated to help a dude out. Overall it was pretty decent. Still trying to keep up with social media friends although motivation went down a bit.
 
#24 ·
Your doing a great job of pushing yourself and giving new things a try. Seems like you are getting pretty good at having casual conversation in places like the park. Good job.

Im ok talking to people one on one. Its when I am in a group and I have to talk or when I have to speak in front of a group is when I run into big problems. You have similar issues? If so the next step would be trying to expose yourself to those situations of speaking in front of groups. I would suggest taking a speech class or attend something like a toastmasters meeting. Something I should try to build up the nerve to do.
 
#23 ·
It’s been kinda hard to keep myself motivated today as well and keep my mood at a decent level. I guess I may have to just ride the wave.

Despite my low energy, on the surface things been going okay. Even today unexpectedly I had a chance to have a small talk with a neighbor. I actually took the chance to jump in to a conversation.

It wasn’t as exciting internally, but I took effort to continue to talk to one of my buddies on ig and requested for more friends also.
 
#26 ·
My mood and motivations been still down in the beginning. I guess I’ll just have to wait and do the best I can until the ride was over.

Hence, I did not wanna go out but then I thought maybe I’ll feel worse if I didn’t have any interaction at all or even attempt to go outside my house. So I got myself out and the minute I was out had a brief exchange with a neighbor. Then, went to a park and saw the guy so I greeted him and had a small talk. Then went to another park without much expectation, one guy at the park was pretty social so we exchanged several small talks.

Then just some brief exchanges with cashiers at restaurants while picking up food.

I continued to talk to my friend on ig thru dm.
 
#27 ·
Today began rough as well. I had no motivation to go to the gym or socialize. My anxiety and catastrophizing was on a high level.

But eventually, I pushed myself to just go either way. As long as I show up it’s something. I’ve been just so intimidated and felt pressure that I’m gonna feel stressed being in social situation.

But as soon as I got there I found a spot next to a guy and initiated a conversation.
Then another guy that I’ve met before showed and had a conversation with him. Then a small exchange with the coach and another guy that I’ve known before and interacted several times in between exercises. When the class ended, I felt pretty successful.

On the way back to my place had a small interaction with a neighbor.

Ended pretty good today.
 
#29 ·
Again another challenging day. Socializing itself requires a lot of energy for me. It seems like it requires a lot of effort and exhaust lot of energy. No wonder some Social challenges really drains me at times.

I pushed myself to go to the gym and got to know a new guy and had some exchanges and some back n forth jokes. Greeted a guy that I saw before and the coach.

Overall things went well. But now I’m tired I wanna relax.

I deactivated my fb just to focus on IG but even with IG I’ve been kinda slacking on it and lost a bit of interest. But I’ll continue to keep in touch with two of my buddies I regularly exchange DM with.

Later I went to one of the parks I frequent and actually met some guys I met from there before and had brief exchanges. But I wasn’t feeling good overall.

Oh well, I guess it’ll take some time till I’m feeling better again.
 
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