I think it's too late for me - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-20-2020, 01:01 PM Thread Starter
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I think it's too late for me

Since I turned 30 last year I just feel like it's too late for me to get moving. Things were still going ok as far as socializing, but then the friend I was closest to changed a lot and we kind of drifted apart from since 2016. Like 2008-2012 and then 2014-15 we hung out all the time. Then around 2016 they changed a lot and wanted to start dating, so we didn't hang out much anymore.

Then they met someone else and they got engaged, then she moved in with them. I feel like I can't interrupt him ever. We rarely ever meet up anymore. I've only been to his house twice in nearly two years. A few weeks ago I asked if he wanted to meet up later in the week but he had something going on. Like almost all the time he's doing something now. And since the pandemic he's been engaged, took a vacation to another country and also went parachuting twice. I feel like he's just too busy to hang out anymore. And I have nobody else that I feel comfortable around.

But now I feel like he's too good for me. Because he's part owner of his family's company, now knows a lot of people (through his fiance) and he has a brand new really nice house.

I just feel like dirt compared to him. Not his fault of course, but I just feel like I'm not nearly as good.

Also, I was going to church again this year, but then the pandemic hit and they stopped doing services except for virtual ones. But when they went back to regular services I haven't been back in months. My social anxiety has gotten worse because I haven't been around people as much other than work, and now I'd rather stay home than have to go to church and be around a lot of people every week. And I never got to know anybody really.

I'm also thinking I'll never get into a relationship. I was hoping I might find someone at church but most of the girls were too young for me so there didn't seem to be any prospects.
Since I'm 30 I'm thinking most all of them are already married and have kids, especially since church girls tend to marry early.

Really in a way I've enjoyed being home but my social skills have definitely gotten bad. It used to help that I'd go to a restaurant alone sometimes and just be around people, but then I couldn't even do that. If I went now there wouldn't be as many people around.

I don't know what to do. I've always had a hard time keeping friends. Like I'm in contact with nobody at all from high school or college. I just go to work and go home.
Also I still live with my parents which is a bit embarrassing. I'm hoping to save up for another year or two and then buy a house. But obviously if I end up finding somebody and get married then having a house would be pointless, or they wanted to live somewhere else. So it feels like I might be putting the cart before the horse.

I also feel like a woman would hate my hobbies because I like to collect and work on things so I'm sure I'd have to get rid of everything to find anyone.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-25-2020, 08:33 PM
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I'm in a similar boat as you, but I'm optimistic that it's never too late to get your life in motion. What I mean is, whatever you want out of your life, there's time to go after it. When it comes to friends, I've had to deal with the dreaded realization that most of them were going to break apart and I would be left on my own. Some have stuck around but we're not engaged nearly as much. It sucks, but I look at this as an opportunity to seek out and be around the people I really want. That hasn't been easy, but I keep trying because I have faith someone will be in the right place at the right time. That will be a very good day and suddenly all the thoughts that bring me down will perk up!
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 11-27-2020, 05:57 PM
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Staying in a negative mindset will only lead to negative feelings and actions. I know this is true for me, its hard to get motivated when I'm depressed. You gotta change your mind about your current situation by dwelling on the good things in your life and be positive that more good things will happen. Meditation can help to cleanse your thoughts and elevate you to a higher and better way of thinking, you should try it sometime!
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 11-27-2020, 06:33 PM
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Yes you're finished, just pretend you're already dead but can still say stuff, it's kinda fun.

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Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 11-28-2020, 10:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Storage View Post
Almost all my high school friends are married and have children even though they will always be close at heart were not on the same level in life so i dont bother trying to hang out with them we might do phone calls or text on facebook. Tbh its better to try connect with people that are on your level 30 not married still trying to strive and create a better environment for themselvs. Married friends cant be their for you like single friends can be. Thats just what usualy happens.
Someone I knew from high school recently sent me a fb friends request, but I ignored it because I was too afraid they'd asked me too many questions about my life.

Like if anyone asked me what I've done since leaving school (20 years ago) I couldn't think of anything to say.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-04-2020, 10:17 AM
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Originally Posted by shyguy07 View Post
Since I turned 30 last year I just feel like it's too late for me to get moving.
Well I am 43 so I can tell you 30 is not to old at all. Probaly have more then half your life left. But you do need to get moving towards your goals. Things dont get better as you get older unless you take steps to make them better.

First thing I would do is getting a place of your own you can afford. Or get a better job so you can afford to move out. Its pretty hard to date when you still live at home. Its sucks but thats how women judge men.

Can you afford to move out? What kind of work do you do? Like it? Can you find something higher paying?
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-04-2020, 10:41 AM
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Since you're still 30, it's not really that bad to try to meet "girls" who are in their mid 20's. I knew a coworker who was 30 at the time, and had a 20 yo gf who was still a student. Well maybe that was sort of jailbaiting and he had a "player" personality, extrovert normie and all that. But basically age difference of 3 to 6 years for guys isn't really that much supposedly. But I hear you about being social life deficient compared to others. Maybe you could take up a sport like tennis which often involves meeting others to play with, or even one of those local tennis clubs. (well in prep for when this covid situation hopefully soon ends)
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