I feel stupid and alone when I go out. - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-01-2018, 03:10 PM Thread Starter
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I feel stupid and alone when I go out.


I'm so fed up of doing everything alone because I can't make any friends. I've just left a comedy show at the interval because I felt so stupid being there on my own whilst everyone else were in couples or groups. The compere was asking people in the audience who they were there with and what job they do, and I was dreading him asking me. Luckily he didn't, but by the interval I felt like nothing. I can't open up to people socially, and so haven't had anyone to go anywhere with since I split up with my ex four years ago.

Anyway, I try to go out when I can, to comedy shows, theatre and music gigs, but I'm tired of going alone and feeling worthless. Also, I'm forty now and feel old and stupid compared to everyone else. I've never liked how I look, as I was teased a lot about my looks growing up, and as I'm getting older, the negative feelings about myself are coming back again. I just can't get close to anyone anymore. I hate being alone, but feel a real loner nowadays.
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post #2 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-02-2018, 01:39 PM
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I'm sorry that you're feeling so crappy. I know how much loneliness can hurt.



I think it's brave that you went to a comedy show. I often don't feel comfortable laughing out loud at funny scenes or jokes when I'm sitting as a member of an audience.


People of all ages go out to the theatre. And age makes us wiser. Please keep going out to events that interest you. If you stop going and become stuck alone at home, I don't think that will improve your situation.
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post #3 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-02-2018, 08:14 PM
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The embarrassment of going out alone never goes away. It hasn't ever gone away for me at least.

"In a sense, we all are crashing to our death from the top story of our birth to the flat stones of the churchyard and wondering with an immortal Alice in Wonderland at the patterns of the passing wall." ~ Vladimir Nabokov
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post #4 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-03-2018, 12:36 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Haven View Post
I'm sorry that you're feeling so crappy. I know how much loneliness can hurt.



I think it's brave that you went to a comedy show. I often don't feel comfortable laughing out loud at funny scenes or jokes when I'm sitting as a member of an audience.


People of all ages go out to the theatre. And age makes us wiser. Please keep going out to events that interest you. If you stop going and become stuck alone at home, I don't think that will improve your situation.
Thanks Haven. I will keep going to events, as I do get enjoyment out of them. I wish that I could share the enjoyment, but at least I get out to these events nonetheless.

I have seen some great shows over the years, quite recently a local performance of Sweeney Todd, which was great. I've got a couple more comedy shows lined up as well this month, though more well known comedians, so there will be a lot more people there and I can fade into the background a bit more!!

You're right, stuck alone at home doesn't help. I'm actually wondering why I stay living where I do, as it's 25 miles from my work. I guess I'm used to it, shops are all within walking distance, the theatre is within walking distance. But I don't know anyone here, so spend all my time alone. But then moving seems too stressful right now.
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post #5 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-03-2018, 12:37 PM Thread Starter
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The embarrassment of going out alone never goes away. It hasn't ever gone away for me at least.
Me either, it's always there, even when I'm enjoying the show, I'm still very aware of being alone.
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post #6 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-04-2018, 11:32 AM
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I envy that you go out and do things on your own, I can imagine seeing people together is hard. I only manage to go to the cinema on my own a couple of times a year and that's about it.
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post #7 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-04-2018, 12:24 PM
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To be fair, you don't know how many of those people in that room felt exactly the same as you, despite having someone by their side. Be careful not to take anything at face value. Maybe somebody there saw you alone and thought, damn, wish I could do things like this on my own.

The places you're going to now - theatres, gigs and comedy shows - may be too socially-driven and so therefore it's no wonder you're feeling out of place. I know I definitely couldn't do those things alone, definitely not right now, so you're very brave and definitely not worthless! I understand the heightened awareness of being alone. It sometimes seems like others can distract themselves from it better than I ever can.
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post #8 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-04-2018, 01:00 PM
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I'm sorry for how you feel. I hate going out alone too, especially to places where people tend to group together or go in couples.



Going out alone in itself isn't a bad thing. It depends a lot on how you carry yourself and whether you're comparing yourself to other people in the same area. If you feel secure and content on the inside, then it becomes a nice experience. Most people in events like that are only there to focus on the entertainer or band, and just have good time.
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post #9 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-06-2018, 05:02 AM
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it really depends on the event, for me. by default, I can go, though more often than not, that's how it works out. i'd like to go to some local nba games this year.

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post #10 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-06-2018, 10:28 PM
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Maybe you could find a group on meetup to go with? A group with similar interests.. I actually think a lot of people feel lonely out there and sometimes even when you’re with people or in a relationship you can feel lonely.

Sometimes I think I can never make a new close friend again but then I think if I’ve had close friends in the past then why can’t I now.
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post #11 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-07-2018, 01:23 PM
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good on you for not letting being friendless hold you back and that you go out to places. I feel out of place going to gigs alone, but you have to keep in mind you're going to watch something to see the performance, not socialise!

Also 40 isn't old at all to be going to comedy gigs. Infact it's probably the target age.


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post #12 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-10-2018, 09:54 AM
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Same here. I'm ten years younger so I can't imagine yet ANOTHER ten years of this bull****. The last gig I went to was Patti Smith back in 2012. I just felt awkward. I went to Wimbledon on my own in 2016 and felt awkward there too. I went on holiday on my own in 2015 and everyone else was with their families, friends or partners. The worst is going back home and you know nothing has changed.
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post #13 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-10-2018, 11:37 AM Thread Starter
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I'm not going to let feeling lonely beat me, so I'm going to another comedy show tonight It's Rob Beckett, performing at my local theatre. I'm feeling a bit anxious about going, but not going to let it beat me. I need a good laugh, could really do with one.

Hope you guys are all doing well, it's great to know that there's a lot of support and understanding on here
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post #14 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-13-2018, 02:04 PM
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I'm so fed up of doing everything alone because I can't make any friends. I've just left a comedy show at the interval because I felt so stupid being there on my own whilst everyone else were in couples or groups. The compere was asking people in the audience who they were there with and what job they do, and I was dreading him asking me. Luckily he didn't, but by the interval I felt like nothing. I can't open up to people socially, and so haven't had anyone to go anywhere with since I split up with my ex four years ago.

Anyway, I try to go out when I can, to comedy shows, theatre and music gigs, but I'm tired of going alone and feeling worthless. Also, I'm forty now and feel old and stupid compared to everyone else. I've never liked how I look, as I was teased a lot about my looks growing up, and as I'm getting older, the negative feelings about myself are coming back again. I just can't get close to anyone anymore. I hate being alone, but feel a real loner nowadays. [IMG class=inlineimg]/forum/images/SAS_2015/smilies/tango_face_sad.png[/IMG]
keep doing what you do... if a comedian ever asks you your business in the middle of his/her set just blurt out you're a talent agent... Mahahaha!

fantasy is better than reality.
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post #15 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-13-2018, 08:29 PM
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I'm always so happy to see a familiar face on here! But so sorry to hear that you are struggling, Steve. I hope things get better for you soon!

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it."
~Helen Keller
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post #16 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-13-2018, 08:47 PM
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I also feel alone nowadays ever since i lost contact with my friend i had known since elementary school and another friend i disconnected from her bc she gets really jealous. i used to be able to say whenever i wanted to 'let's go somewhere' but not now. it's so hard to make friends when i have social anxiety but that's why we have a social anxiety forum so we'll feel less alone. but i can assure you that there are others who are alone out there too of course. I can open up to people but i just have an eye contact issue that I'm dealing w/. i just want to let you know that as far as i see in your photo you're good-looking!
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post #17 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-14-2018, 09:59 AM
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the last event (concert) i was going to was in 2012. i just stopped going to any events since i feel pretty stupid alone.


there are some exceptions like anime related events or gaming related events since there are so many people there that nobody cares if you go alone or not. but regular events...for me they are just a waste of money since i wouldnt enjoy them alone. so i save my money.
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post #18 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-14-2018, 04:46 PM
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I'll have to try and figure out something to do on my own this weekend. A friend is severely annoying this week.

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post #19 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-14-2018, 11:36 PM
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I've never liked how I look, as I was teased a lot about my looks growing up, and as I'm getting older, the negative feelings about myself are coming back again. I just can't get close to anyone anymore. I hate being alone, but feel a real loner nowadays.
it's interesting how if we're teased we then look into ourselves more like our flaws become larger than it really is and it becomes false-evidence-appearing-real FEAR. Don't let kids make you feel low and another thought is that you could've looked different then than now so you could say 'Now I'm a goodlooking guy or those people were wrong and there was nothing wrong with how I looked'. Look at how they looked.
Did you think they were better. At first I thought certain people who didn't like me were better than me but then now i look back and think the opposite. And it's the inside that counts more anyway. You can PM me if you want to talk, you sound really depressed. question- Why can't you open up to people? if you don't fix your thoughts you'll always be afraid and be alone! i know it's hard
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post #20 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-15-2018, 12:07 AM
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nothing to say


is what Dad said, by announcing his way


embarrassing

I do have plenty to say

but none of it lands properly for anyone. muće attitude batter than piping up

humans want people like them. strict.

I feel good by just being faster than any human. never conceived this all my life.. age 35+ amblers appalling! always quick-witted-minded, full of ideas. only now, i strut, stride ahead, between people outside, indoors anyway, anywhere, dodging, weaving, twisting past everyone, making space for them. always slowest of all cross-counrtry running at school. just a defined destination set to aim. others just dawdle. this a mental difference to me, not just physical. climbing - escalators.. move aside!! fixed steps preferred up/down faster than anyone
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