How do you make new friends in your 30s? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 28 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 08:19 AM Thread Starter
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How do you make new friends in your 30s?


Im 31 going on 32 next month and have been thinking if it's even possible for someone like me to make new friends. Im fortunate to have the small group of friends I've had since high school but it'd be nice to possibly make some new ones. But having SA definitely doesn't make it easy. And I guess I would kind of feel awkward even trying to.
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post #2 of 28 (permalink) Old 10-30-2019, 03:14 AM
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i would like to know the answer to that too, I don't have any friends and I've tried to make some but it didn't work out.
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post #3 of 28 (permalink) Old 10-30-2019, 05:34 AM
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I dunno, the thought hasn't really crossed my mind since i was a teen. 30s is pushin it for "making" friends. I think normal people usually have families of their own by then and no time to hang around with me. But if a friend happens to wander into my life, whatever. i'm down.
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post #4 of 28 (permalink) Old 11-04-2019, 10:28 AM
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There is a site called meetup.com you could try. Maybe you could bring a friend with you to some of the groups until the newness wears off.

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post #5 of 28 (permalink) Old 11-04-2019, 12:17 PM
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As a rule of thumb, you meet people you could connect with at places where you are because of a personal interest. So indirectly. If you have a shared interest/passion, it can happen spontaneously. I think it's a mistake to think that you're the odd one out, that rare specimen which somehow failed at normal personhood.

I've met my closest friends because of my issues. Group therapy/support groups can be pretty good for making new friends.



Also opening up more to the people who are already in your life can deepen your relationship with them. I "met" my uncle when I was 27 and in a deep crisis. We both just happened to be interested in philosophy and never knew because we practically never saw each other. We started talking and never stopped. He's become my best friend. You can't force stuff like that, but you can increase the likelihood.

((( connect or perish )))
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post #6 of 28 (permalink) Old 11-04-2019, 03:09 PM
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It's all been through a hobby for me. Then you have something in common at least to start with.
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post #7 of 28 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 08:58 AM
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When I played shinny at the outdoor rinks in Winnipeg it was pretty easy. Most people approached me, not sure why?
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post #8 of 28 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 06:36 PM
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Meetup.com and your job seem like the only options to me, but it's nowhere near as successful as being in high school or college.
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post #9 of 28 (permalink) Old 05-07-2020, 01:24 PM
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Another interesting thread
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post #10 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-01-2020, 06:05 AM
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I try too but it never works out. I think i give up.
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post #11 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-03-2020, 12:22 PM
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This is a difficult question now that coronavirus is here. My options have been cut off. I got through on low social contact by being able to be around people in places like Starbucks, etc and made one semi-friend there named Tori. She is shy too, but went to starbucks daily and struck up conversations (pushed herself to) and now knows everyone who comes to my local Starbucks. I was there studying b/c I started going back to school so I had to limit my socializing. I did a combo of studying and socializing at Starbucks and now that I can't be at Starbucks it's hard. I am trying to make friends on here, but everyone seems to use diff platforms and not the chatroom on this site. It makes me feel bad sorta and frustrated. I posted requesting to get the group info for the SAS group on the Discord platform but haven't heard back. Sometimes feel like I'm going crazy with being lonely. I have 2 or so friends I text with and a couple facebook acquaintances but that's it.
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post #12 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-03-2020, 12:50 PM
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post #13 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-03-2020, 05:16 PM
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You don't, everyone is concentrating on starting/raising their families, they don't have time for you.
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post #14 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-04-2020, 03:02 AM
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i think i have some advice that might help......im a member of a mental health club.....these are places where mentally ill folk can go to participate in activities such as creative writing, art, yoga, group therapy to anem but a few or else you can just drop in for a coffee and a talk.....its good and there are possibilities for making friendship with like minded people who are compassionate, humble nice people.....having social anxiety would qualify you as a member but if it did not you could just say you have depression aswell.....thats what i did and im am member.....these places are great at stopping you feeling socially isolated
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post #15 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-04-2020, 06:38 PM
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Someone who's in her early 60's just told me that during the Covid lockdown she's been using the dating site Coffee Meets Bagels to make pen pals. I'm not sure how she goes about doing it, whether she states up front in her profile that she just wants to make friends with like-minded people, but I'll find out. Sounds like a possibility.
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post #16 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-13-2020, 03:18 PM
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For me, the main avenue has been work. I worked in close quarters with my coworkers and we got to know each other over time and it led to friendship.
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post #17 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-13-2020, 04:13 PM
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At this stage, I suppose I've "given up" on meeting friends (and a girlfriend), which feels like a totally unnatural thing to do. But I don't know how else to feel given the circumstances of my life.
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post #18 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-15-2020, 11:23 AM
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I was wondering the same thing as I went for a walk.
As kids, you got many social experiences, to try and make friends.
As adults, there's work and hobbies... for some they have a family as well.

As someone who's single with no kids, I'd say other than sharing a hobby is the best way. Otherwise, most adults I find have their friends and are kind of closed to bringing other people in. I find that a lot of people I "knew" from school got indifferent and are with their closer friends, and a lot seem to do that. So, I guess most longtime friendships either solidifies or collapses. Meanwhile, meeting new people, in everyday life, has become very tough.

The thing about family and kids, is that it's possible for kids to bring friends over and for parents to have a connection with other parents.

Not saying it is always recommended. It's tough when most people are wary of strangers... but I also became wary of others.

my 2 cents.
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post #19 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-15-2020, 11:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A Caged Animal View Post
At this stage, I suppose I've "given up" on meeting friends (and a girlfriend), which feels like a totally unnatural thing to do. But I don't know how else to feel given the circumstances of my life.
To be honest, I feel like I'm going there too. I try to keep busy and to connect with something (watch something, play music, walk). Still, there's a certain void that I can't fill. No girlfriend, no kids, it kind of feels like I'm missing out. Friends... I had a few who I thought were, but I cleaned the house. I have some friends at a distance and my parents. I'm still debating if I could get in a relationship and have kids, but I guess what I'm living is that and this life I think of is not meant for me. I don't know.
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post #20 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-27-2020, 08:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crisigv View Post
You don't, everyone is concentrating on starting/raising their families, they don't have time for you.


What a load of ****! Somehow Ive surrounded myself with similar degenerates throughout my life and its like our generation carried on with the chaos because since Ive been 30 most of the people I meet are near my age. Yes degenerate punks, getting drunk on the street, travelling, homeless living free for today.
There is a freedom in it you'd never understand. There is also brotherhood. And hilarity.
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