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How do you make new friends in your 30s?

5K views 30 replies 30 participants last post by  SparklingWater 
#1 ·
Im 31 going on 32 next month and have been thinking if it's even possible for someone like me to make new friends. Im fortunate to have the small group of friends I've had since high school but it'd be nice to possibly make some new ones. But having SA definitely doesn't make it easy. And I guess I would kind of feel awkward even trying to.
 
#3 ·
I dunno, the thought hasn't really crossed my mind since i was a teen. 30s is pushin it for "making" friends. I think normal people usually have families of their own by then and no time to hang around with me. But if a friend happens to wander into my life, whatever. i'm down.
 
#5 ·
As a rule of thumb, you meet people you could connect with at places where you are because of a personal interest. So indirectly. If you have a shared interest/passion, it can happen spontaneously. I think it's a mistake to think that you're the odd one out, that rare specimen which somehow failed at normal personhood.

I've met my closest friends because of my issues. Group therapy/support groups can be pretty good for making new friends.



Also opening up more to the people who are already in your life can deepen your relationship with them. I "met" my uncle when I was 27 and in a deep crisis. We both just happened to be interested in philosophy and never knew because we practically never saw each other. We started talking and never stopped. He's become my best friend. You can't force stuff like that, but you can increase the likelihood.
 
#11 ·
This is a difficult question now that coronavirus is here. My options have been cut off. I got through on low social contact by being able to be around people in places like Starbucks, etc and made one semi-friend there named Tori. She is shy too, but went to starbucks daily and struck up conversations (pushed herself to) and now knows everyone who comes to my local Starbucks. I was there studying b/c I started going back to school so I had to limit my socializing. I did a combo of studying and socializing at Starbucks and now that I can't be at Starbucks it's hard. I am trying to make friends on here, but everyone seems to use diff platforms and not the chatroom on this site. It makes me feel bad sorta and frustrated. I posted requesting to get the group info for the SAS group on the Discord platform but haven't heard back. Sometimes feel like I'm going crazy with being lonely. I have 2 or so friends I text with and a couple facebook acquaintances but that's it.
 
#12 ·
Lasso & hogtie, its either be my friend or the railroad tracks, so far they've all chosen the latter :bah
 
#20 ·
What a load of ****! Somehow Ive surrounded myself with similar degenerates throughout my life and its like our generation carried on with the chaos because since Ive been 30 most of the people I meet are near my age. Yes degenerate punks, getting drunk on the street, travelling, homeless living free for today.
There is a freedom in it you'd never understand. There is also brotherhood. And hilarity.
 
#14 ·
i think i have some advice that might help......im a member of a mental health club.....these are places where mentally ill folk can go to participate in activities such as creative writing, art, yoga, group therapy to anem but a few or else you can just drop in for a coffee and a talk.....its good and there are possibilities for making friendship with like minded people who are compassionate, humble nice people.....having social anxiety would qualify you as a member but if it did not you could just say you have depression aswell.....thats what i did and im am member.....these places are great at stopping you feeling socially isolated
 
#15 ·
Someone who's in her early 60's just told me that during the Covid lockdown she's been using the dating site Coffee Meets Bagels to make pen pals. I'm not sure how she goes about doing it, whether she states up front in her profile that she just wants to make friends with like-minded people, but I'll find out. Sounds like a possibility.
 
#19 ·
To be honest, I feel like I'm going there too. I try to keep busy and to connect with something (watch something, play music, walk). Still, there's a certain void that I can't fill. No girlfriend, no kids, it kind of feels like I'm missing out. Friends... I had a few who I thought were, but I cleaned the house. I have some friends at a distance and my parents. I'm still debating if I could get in a relationship and have kids, but I guess what I'm living is that and this life I think of is not meant for me. I don't know.
 
#18 ·
I was wondering the same thing as I went for a walk.
As kids, you got many social experiences, to try and make friends.
As adults, there's work and hobbies... for some they have a family as well.

As someone who's single with no kids, I'd say other than sharing a hobby is the best way. Otherwise, most adults I find have their friends and are kind of closed to bringing other people in. I find that a lot of people I "knew" from school got indifferent and are with their closer friends, and a lot seem to do that. So, I guess most longtime friendships either solidifies or collapses. Meanwhile, meeting new people, in everyday life, has become very tough.

The thing about family and kids, is that it's possible for kids to bring friends over and for parents to have a connection with other parents.

Not saying it is always recommended. It's tough when most people are wary of strangers... but I also became wary of others.

my 2 cents.
 
#22 ·
I don't know, I have always found it hard. Not sure if its any harder now that I am post 30. But I think at any age you get involved with things and people in proximity to you while doing the things are good candidates. You have to be willing to suggest doing something outside of the thing you are currently doing.

I have found it presents some challenges when you have no kids and your friends or potential friends do, but we still manage to get together probably the same rare amount of time.

It is a bit of a balancing act if you have a partner, like on the one hand more opportunities to meet people, but on the other, does your friend have to also like your partner? I always find it awkward in the planning stages, and if they also have a partner whether to invite potential friend's partner for a couples thing, or try for a one on one.
 
#23 ·
I don't know, i guess you need to do stuff that lets you meet people. Or have friends that have friends, and they organize things and invite you. Or through hobbies etc.


I haven't had a friend in years and years in real life so idk what i'm talking about.
 
#25 ·
How to make friends in your 30s?

Once you get to your 30s in life, it comes down to joining a group like toast masters, right now virtually going on a meetup site, joining things you're interested in and finding like minded people. Meeting people on SM, Volunteering etc and letting conversation come naturally. In your 30s you have the opportunity to meet people who are hopefully mature, have their priorities and heads on straight, you can have meaningful and fun conversations with.
 
#28 ·
I ask this question all the time. I try to put myself out there but no luck. I only have 2 friends and family members I annoy with my problems lol. Thats a big part of it I think. I have so much stress and I'm so discontent all the time that i probably don't seem very open or interesting to new people. I don't really have anyone to talk to as an oulet and don't want to bother the few friends i have too much as they definitely hear enough of my complaints hah. Would be great to even have an online friend at this point. Someone to talk to consistently and just vent to a bit and share experiences. If anyone else is looking for something similar feel free to DM me. :)
 
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