Did anyone here move to the big city then move back? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-06-2019, 11:00 PM Thread Starter
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Did anyone here move to the big city then move back?


So I moved to the big city thinking my life was going to be better, but it just got worse.

I ended up moving back to the small town I grew up in.

I hated the traffic, hated the commute. It was just bull****. I hate living far away from family for the most part.

Anyone else have a similar experience?
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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-07-2019, 03:08 AM
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Sort of. I've been in the heart of a major east coast city for over two years as an experiment both for work and a different lifestyle from the "burbs".

I have enjoyed it, but the honeymoon is over. I'm not healthy here.

While not going home or back to the burbs, I'm on the verge of closing on a decent parcel of land that is within 15 minutes of a small town, but is remote from neighbors. I am more at peace in nature.

My employer will let me telecommute, so that's good. Hopefully that won't be a false promise.

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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-07-2019, 08:24 AM
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When I was 19 or 20, a friend of mine and I moved from a small town of 5,000 to a city of about two million. He went back home after a few months. He had family to go home to. But I stayed, since I had nothing back home, and I've never gone back there--not even to visit.

Nobody loves me but my dog, and I think he might be jivin', too.
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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-07-2019, 02:28 PM
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I moved from a city with a population of 700,000 to one with 12 million, then to one of 200,000 and now am preparing to move back to the 700,000 one (yeah, confusing for me too). I spent 12 years in the big city and had some amazing experiences, but the commute, air pollution and crowds did me in as I got older. I'm not ruling out the possibility of moving there again at some point, but it would be as a temporary thing. My mental health got much better once I moved out.

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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-07-2019, 02:56 PM
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I've moved back to that evil place a couple of times. I cant stay there for long. 6 months or so.

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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-07-2019, 03:25 PM
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I moved to another town on the other side of the country for 5 years, I hated it and looking back I wish id never gone there and had done something else, it would have changed the course of the rest of my life. I really feel like I made a bad decision.
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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-07-2019, 06:02 PM
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My experience was basically the complete opposite.

I grew up in a small (5,000 ppl), redneck farming town in the 70s-80s. Most of the people there didn't like me, and a bunch of them really hated my guts. So I moved to the city thinking it would make my life better. And it made my life about 1,000x better. I feel way safer in the city than I ever did in my hometown.

I would never in a million years move back. I hated living there and I have never once missed it. Moving was the single best thing that ever happened to me. And if I could get farther away from my family I would, because they're all ****ing crazy and they do nothing but **** things up.

I'd move to a bigger city if I could afford it.

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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-07-2019, 06:13 PM
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Kinda but not really. The idea was to move away from my parents and try to force myself to become independent. Which had the bonus of having the possibility of being more in an environment that I thought I could be happy in (closer to nature and fewer people). I thought that would be enough to motivate me to try hard. Which I did to some extent. But mostly I just ended up being the same. Aimless, unmotivated and still depending on my parents to send money. Which I had told them not to do before I left but then I had to go back on it because I knew I wouldn't survive if I ended up homeless. Especially there. Things did not go well.

Plus, I had kind of idealized the place because I love nature and it is a beautiful area that is very close to nature. But I had kind of intentionally tried to not remember what the people there are like and how much I hated the local "culture" of that area. I went back there because I knew things there change very slowly and that's kind of my speed but at the same time, things there don't hardly change at all in ways that I didn't like. I think maybe I thought I belonged there and then I got there and realized there really wasn't a place where I belonged.

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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-07-2019, 07:16 PM
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I moved to a slightly bigger place but not a very big one, the population size was about the same but it just felt like a bigger place (more going on,) then I moved back for mental health reasons not because it's ideal (I've been writing about wanting to leave since I was a young teenager.) Nobody should have to live here. Just today my friend informed me that he found some people discussing towns and cities and how someone wouldn't want to live where I live. Though I wouldn't move back to the other place either, doesn't really interest me now. One advantage of where I live now is it's proximity to a much larger city.


I don't like small places unless they are very scenic. I like large cities.

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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-07-2019, 07:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AskingAlexandria View Post
So I moved to the big city thinking my life was going to be better, but it just got worse.

I ended up moving back to the small town I grew up in.

I hated the traffic, hated the commute. It was just bull****. I hate living far away from family for the most part.

Anyone else have a similar experience?
I grew up in a small town in the Midwest. About 15,000 people. Moved to the suburbs of Phildelphia and later Washington DC in my early 30's. 41 years old now.


Small towns and big cities both have their positives and negatives. Small town have low cost of living and little traffic. Country / small town lifestyle as well. Downside low wages and lack of diversity in types of people you meet. Big cities are the opposite. Higher wages but higher cost of living. More diversity as far as type's of people you are exposed to and many more things to do in a urban area as opposed to a small town out in the middle of nowhere.


I would personally stay in the big city area assuming you can afford it.


One thing I would say is where ever you move you are taking yourself there. Meaning whatever issue you have personality or mental health wise follows you. If your seriously socially anxious in a small town in Nevada your going to be Socially anxious in New York City as well. You have to fix the issue within yourself or your issues are going to appear again no matter where you live.
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post #11 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-08-2019, 09:15 AM
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I grew up in big cities for the most part. LA and SF Bay area. I moved around a lot since becoming an adult. No point in staying in LA since there is no loving family to return to.
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post #12 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-18-2019, 06:03 PM
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I’m in the process of doing that myself. I can’t afford where I live, hate the commute, and have trouble with all the people. However, I’m apprehensive (nothing new) about the move too. Did it help you to move back?
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post #13 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-18-2019, 06:50 PM
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Yes, as of last year. And, it's been hell.

I miss the ease of [public] transportation and Uber/cabs in the big city (don't have a car/can't drive). I mostly moved away due to rent prices and other financial reasons.

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post #14 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-18-2019, 08:53 PM
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I moved from Miami, FL to Raleigh, NC and it's honestly changed my life.
Still socially anxious with no friends but I have a job and a boyfriend now.
I couldn't stand living in a big city where people are known for partying. There are not many things to do in Raleigh but it's not like I ever went out anyways
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post #15 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-18-2019, 09:16 PM
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i've moved from place to place occasionaly back, but what's even worse is moving countries because no one wants you. its a pain
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post #16 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-20-2019, 12:58 AM
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post #17 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-20-2019, 06:25 AM
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Moving to a 'big city' never appealed to me. I would like to move to a different place. Somewhere less insular and less inflated living costs.

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post #18 of 22 (permalink) Old 08-03-2019, 09:11 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fearfully View Post
I’m in the process of doing that myself. I can’t afford where I live, hate the commute, and have trouble with all the people. However, I’m apprehensive (nothing new) about the move too. Did it help you to move back?
I feel much better now that I'm home again. I know that I'll probably have to deal with small town stuff but that shouldn't be too much of a problem. I wouldn't of lasted in the big city... I guess the move back was only possible because I have support here.
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post #19 of 22 (permalink) Old 08-03-2019, 11:10 PM
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I used to live in a multi-million city, and now I live in a ~100k city. I don't miss large cities at all; just remembering all the noise, all the stress, all the crowd makes me nauseous.

I have quite a few large cities near me. Chicago is just 1.5 hours away, and Detroit and Indianapolis are also within reach. If I really want to hang around in a large city, I have options. But as far as everyday life goes, I'm perfectly fine with living in a smaller place, and I definitely enjoy the low living costs.

Very likely to move to Tallahassee in a year. That city is pretty large, but it's also spread across a wide area, so the population density isn't that high. I find this to be an ideal option: large enough to never be bored, small enough to never be stressed, and with tons of state and national parks in the area.
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post #20 of 22 (permalink) Old 08-04-2019, 03:24 AM
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Yes. It was too expensive to be the cool guy with the place in the city.

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