Anxiety at the bus stop - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 09-08-2015, 11:03 AM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Virginia, USA
Gender: Female
Age: 43
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Anxiety at the bus stop


My kids just started back to school, and now I'm feeling very anxious about having to talk to all the other parents every day at the bus stop. We live in a very sociable neighborhood, and it seems like there's this big clique of moms that I'm not a part of. I feel like they reached out to me in the beginning, but now I'm on the outside, which I blame on my SA and resulting awkwardness, plus the fact that I have more and younger kids than they do (four kids ages 2-10, so it's hard for me to find time to socialize even if I want to).

There are a few people who also seem to be on the outskirts of the clique that I feel more comfortable talking to, but the clique-y people live closer to me and it can be awkward if they're all walking and talking together in a big group and I'm trailing behind, not knowing what to do or say. I never thought at age 39 I would feel left out of a clique like this, but lately I'm feeling depressed that they're having parties and going places I'm not invited to. Part of me feels like, "Who cares? I don't need to be in the clique!" but then I keep thinking, "Why didn't they invite me? Why don't they like me? They must think I'm so weird." Lately I can't stop thinking about how they used to be friendlier to me. What did I do wrong?!

I probably shouldn't even call it a "clique"--my husband reminds me that they're just a bunch of people who like each other, and you can't fault them for that. I just feel depressed that they don't seem to like ME. Or at least, they haven't gotten to know me very well. I'm stressed out that I'm going to have to be dealing with these feelings all year long. Any tips on how to come across as more friendly, or how to stop worrying about what they think of me? I always try to say hi to everyone and make small talk the best I can, and they say hi back and are fairly friendly, but I still feel so awkward and depressed about it.
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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 10-03-2015, 10:07 AM
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: Houston, TX USA
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My Mood: Mellow
Hi, I'm the same age as you. I don't have any children yet, but hope to. I was dreading having issues with SA, while being a mother...

If you lived in my neighborhood, I would probably want to be your friend, to know more about what its like to be a mom with SA and to know what it's like for you just as a mom....

Where I live, it's by an elementary school, and there are 2 families across the street from me with young kids (under 10). I tell myself we don't fit in (sort of) because we have no children

Are all of those ladies with kids, are their kids all older?

I have the same issue with work, where I tried initially to be friendly to people, but I kept to myself and gave off anti-social vibes where I know they think I like to be left alone, and now I don't get invited to lunch or anything like that. They are all guys anyway and I am conscious about being a woman in their midst.

I would maybe just try to befriend the women who are not as into the clique, or to try to get to know one of them who may have a kid closer in age to yours, and just talk more about your childrearing experiences?

Sorry I don't have any better advice.
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