Wanted to reach out and say I'm sorry you've been feeling this way. I can relate, not to being gay but to self esteem issues, I know how hard it can be to struggle with feeling like a loser. Maybe not on the same level but I also can relate and understand having low self esteem, self esteem issues suck, they eat you up inside. Have you ever done journaling? Journaling and doing CBT can really help sort out your thoughts. Looking at Distortions, negative thoughts and how to reframe them.
Ex. Writing what you wrote and than looking for the distortion, I'm afraid of being rejected the distortion there might be something like Overgeneralization you conclude that because you were rejected before or think you'll be rejected that it will happen to you over and over, it might be I am a loser. Emotional reasoning you take your emotions your feelings that you are a loser as evidence that you are a loser and everyone thinks you are.
You might write these down and than try to come up with a rational reframed response. I know its really difficult to think about something positive or what you're grateful for when you feel this way. If you want to work on becoming social, you could write, reached out to people online today 1. Or say no matter how things turn out I will message or respond to one person, if they reject me it is their loss. I'm sure others here can give you much better advice but I don't think you're a loser, circumstances aren't good for you right now, I know the feeling. Don't beat yourself up. You're going to survive.
I m afraid of not being enough