#&<% I just got back from a Christmas party with the friend I like. I wanted to get drunk and tell her how I felt, not to tell her that I am in love with her, but to tell her that I love her none the less. Suffice to say, my SA is so bad now, I can't even do that. She called to make sure I got home okay, which gave me a second opportunity and guess who failed for the infinityth time, THIS GUY.
She even mentioned that she is like her father in that he is very giving to others. That is the way I want to be but because of my SA I come off as being a **** person. She was saying how horrible she looked the entire time we were getting ready, and I knew she was having a panic attack, as she does, but I couldn't even say a nice thing about her. Even if I had, I am sure in her panic she would have come up with some way to throw it back in my face, but **** I just wish I could say sSOMETHING nice, and not mak her think I am a complete loser. I want to be the person her father is, someone who gives without expecting to receive, but I am just a **** person. I don't think I deserve her friendship or her love. **** SA and **** all the **** that comes with it. I want to be normal, like when I was a kid and just didn't give a ****. **** this adult ****!
"You're going to fail a lot. Sometimes you'll fail over and over again, but you have to keep trying every time. You can't give up just because there is a chance that you might fail." - Dante Basco