A question for people who were bullied in school - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 02:54 AM
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I don't understand why anyone would know or know of the people who bullied them years later. That doesn't sound healthy.
...In my case his parents moved about 10 years ago & now live about half a mile away from where I live, my parents also would have known his parents in their younger days, the rest I don't know cause I don't care but his story kinda fell in my lap






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post #22 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 04:31 AM Thread Starter
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...In my case his parents moved about 10 years ago & now live about half a mile away from where I live, my parents also would have known his parents in their younger days, the rest I don't know cause I don't care but his story kinda fell in my lap
Yeah. Pretty much. Just kinda can't get away from people. If you stay where you grew up, it's hard to not have that happen. Even where I live (which is a much bigger city than where I grew up) I have randomly bumped into people I've known before in various places.

It's like if you take a basketball and toss it in a pond and get in a canoe and row around in that pond for 20 years you'll probably encounter that thing a bunch of times. It always has to be there somewhere.

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post #23 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 04:48 AM
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I had a false friend at school who would talk about me behind my back and tell me how everything I did or liked was crap and uncool. She had low self esteem and would put other people down to make herself feel good. I ran into her as an adult, we had a chat, but she hadn't changed - somewhere in the middle of our conversation she tried to put me down and make it out as if it was a joke. She also drew a pretty picture of a successful career and a model boyfriend, who then, turned out, hit her on a regular basis. I cut her off and she contacted my family members trying to reach me, but I never looked back.

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post #24 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 05:25 AM
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I don't understand why anyone would know or know of the people who bullied them years later. That doesn't sound healthy.

I don't remember most of their names now, though I can still see their faces so clearly in my mind. Even if I could remember their names I wouldn't bother to look them up. I imagine most of them are living perfectly normal lives -- despite having almost made me take mine. Life is so seldom fair.
It's been very hard to escape my childhood bully. He's my older brother.

His attitude towards me never changed. I tried making amends a few years ago. It didn't stick. He is overbearing. He'll never admit he's wrong. If he can't get what he wants, he'll lie and cheat until he does. When you argue with him, he'll lie to make his point (not just my opinion, my family has witnessed this) and bring up everything you've ever done, even if it's unrelated, to smear your character. Just an overall nasty person.

He's also my mother's favorite child, which tells you a lot about her.

EDIT: Sorry, reading comprehension fail. It says "in school." I'll leave it up, anyway, because it's still vaguely on topic. He was a grade ahead of me in school. I could never escape him.

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post #25 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 05:45 AM Thread Starter
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EDIT: Sorry, reading comprehension fail. It says "in school." I'll leave it up, anyway, because it's still vaguely on topic. He was a grade ahead of me in school. I could never escape him.
Actually, that's fine too. I was thinking specifically about bullies in school because that was my particular situation but I'm interested in hearing whatever you've got on the general topic of bullies or whether or not people you have known have changed in good or bad ways.

I would imagine it's even worse if your bully is family.

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post #26 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 06:03 AM
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I wasn't bullied per se, but I was definitely picked on/ostracized at times. Most of the people who gave me troubles seem to be doing alright, as people I mean. I don't really hold any of that crap against them.

But, to be fair, I'm sure if I was legitimately singled out and humiliated on a regular basis (which happens to some people), I'd feel much less forgiving.

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post #27 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 06:17 AM
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Actually, that's fine too. I was thinking specifically about bullies in school because that was my particular situation but I'm interested in hearing whatever you've got on the general topic of bullies or whether or not people you have known have changed in good or bad ways.

I would imagine it's even worse if your bully is family.
Thanks. I guess in some way it's worse, in some ways better. I do get the small satisfaction of knowing that he didn't end up in an ideal situation - no steady, long-term job and still single (I suppose other people might have sympathy for him because it really goes back to the way we were raised, but I can't).

In some ways, it sucks. I hate that my family still supports him after everything he's done. They have no issues with maintaining a relationship with him, even though I've cut him off completely, because he didn't target them.

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post #28 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 06:20 AM Thread Starter
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I wasn't bullied per se, but I was definitely picked on/ostracized at times. Most of the people who gave me troubles seem to be doing alright, as people I mean. I don't really hold any of that crap against them.

But, to be fair, I'm sure if I was legitimately singled out and humiliated on a regular basis (which happens to some people), I'd feel much less forgiving.
Oh I didn't mean to say that I was holding a serious grudge against them. I don't generally do that. Actually, I never really thought about it that much until I started thinking about how much you hear about bullying these days.

I guess (for me) I would say that it seemed like a lot bigger a deal at the time than it does now. I sure wouldn't want to run into any of them to this day (because I doubt they changed that much) but it's just kind of a curiosity to me to know what other people have to say about it.

Most of my bullies never actually laid a finger on me. I had a bunch of guys (who I didn't even know) beat the crap out of me at a mall. They did more damage than all but one of my bullies did (the one that did hit me broke my nose one day and hit me in the nose several more times over the next couple of weeks). I put most of that stuff behind me ages ago. It didn't seriously impact my SA because my SA was already what it is well before any of that.

But yeah. Just curiosity. It kind of amuses me, actually how some people never really change. Like when there is just something really unpleasant about a certain person and you meet them 30 years later and they're still the same.

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"Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established." - Carlin

"They flutter behind you your possible pasts
Some bright-eyed and crazy, some frightened and lost
A warning to anyone still in command
Of their possible future, to take care."
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post #29 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 06:34 AM
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I wouldn't be surprised if they bully certain people in their life, whatever they're doing now.
Sure they are probably beating their wife and kids now.
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post #30 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 08:20 AM
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I hadn't run into any bullies from my past. In hs, I was mostly a loner and the guys who made fun of me daily in a class were a different ethnicity and probably went to other places, plus I'm no longer in the same town anyways and I don't remember any of their names or those of the grade school bullies who hassled me about half a year during playground breaks and occasions of someone kicking me while in line, or soccer ball thrown or kicked at me unaware. Had my neck cracked post hs and my arm elbow skin ripped open then. One was from a stranger I never saw again, the other I paid back with tripping and throwing them around hard. (I could have staved them off better back then, if I knew what I know and was as fit as I am now) Had a few bullies at a workplace, but hadn't seen them in years either, thankfully. (Heard one of them became a cop in a neighboring city. What a lousy choice of recruiting an unstable ****head by the PD.) Then again I don't get out much.
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post #31 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 08:52 AM
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I don't really remember most of their names now which is a good thing I guess, because I've accepted what has happened during some chapters in my life where things were not so great aside from dealing with this type of shtick. I do think people can change and would hope that the wrongs that were done was used for said-people to change and not do it to others at some point. Not going to say I was some persecuted angel since there were times I've lashed out and have done similar things to others.

One person I do remember which has impacted me more so because we started off as good friends (or so I thought) still seems to hold similar tendencies of lying and manipulation. Seems to be more of an underlying condition/disorder since one can tell that something is off when getting to know this said-person better. Doesn't justify the behaviors, but I do feel sorry for the fact that it is a consistent thing that didn't seem to be addressed early on for them in hopes that they could find better ways to go about their behaviors instead of doing what they've done/are doing and see it as their type of normal.
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post #32 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 08:54 AM
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One went on to become a pro boxer in Canada. his mom recently died so maybe it humbled him out, or made him worse who knows right? He made my life a living hell and the teacher just watched along the whole way. Of course he's undefeated right, lol my life is a parody(source)https://globalnews.ca/video/4232617/...bout-of-career am i allowed personal Links on the site? sry if not

and the other is an accountant or something.

A friend who im 100 % sure was a narcissist and had a little mean streak in him and would insult me at times is not doing so well tho career-wise although he has a very good looking partner. I think he has a major issue with alcohol.

Sad how I know this but ya.. Seems like they usually thrive in society in 1 way or another.
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post #33 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 02:20 PM Thread Starter
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One person I do remember which has impacted me more so because we started off as good friends (or so I thought)
That's exactly how many of mine started out. The worst one (Who was the "ringleader" in my earlier post started off as kind of a friend. At least I was always nice to him and he seemed to be pretty OK. I had no way of knowing that situation would blow up into having a whole crew of bullies threatening me all the time. Just from trying to make friends with that one guy.

His turn was apparently so unexplained that I don't remember doing or saying anything that would have set him off. I forget a lot of things but if it had ever made sense to me I assume I would at least remember that (and I do remember stuff from my early years better than stuff from later years). Anyway, it was just....one day he was cool and the next day he wasn't.

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Some bright-eyed and crazy, some frightened and lost
A warning to anyone still in command
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post #34 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 06:08 PM
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I guess some people can't avoid their bullies. I live in a fairly large suburban area but even I've bumped into a couple of them. One was working at a media store while I was in college. Another I spotted at a midnight release for a video game around the same time. But I make a point to avoid encountering them and have been largely successful at it, thank goodness -- I spot them and recognize them, but I never give them the chance to approach me or say anything to me.

I heard one of the kids who bullied me at school got arrested a few years later, for stabbing another kid over an argument over a video game or something. So I guess in his case, he only got worse. Many of my bullies were at church instead of school, though -- all the kids in the congregation at the church my parents forced me to attend hated me. I occasionally heard about them from my parents, especially just a few years after the fact when they all left on "missions." It's a really strict culture in a lot of ways but they're big on protecting predators, like most religions -- have premarital sex and you can't go on a mission, but bully another kid to the point of almost making him kill himself and who cares, right?

I imagine they're all still totally brainwashed and living oh so "righteously." I'd actually be curious to know how many of them beat their wives or molest little kids; I'm sure at least a few had the propensity.

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post #35 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 06:13 PM
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I haven't encountered many of my bullies, thankfully. I only saw one from a distance and she had a child and i guess a husband.
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post #36 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 07:23 PM
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But aside from that, I am kind of just fascinated by how people often don't change that much and that's kind of what I was interested in for this thread. I noticed that whenever I run into people I knew absolutely ages ago, they're so different in a lot of ways but some basic things about them haven't changed a bit. I don't know. It's just an odd thought I have from time to time.
People don't change much from their basic personality so to speak. I had a therapist tell me one time that once a person hits adolescents their personality is set for the most part. A introvert is going to be an introvert or vice versa. You can adjust it a bit with therapy but your overall personality isn't going to change. A very shy person can become less shy but their never going to become the life of the party!
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post #37 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 05:22 PM
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I was severely bullied in school, equally by the girls and boys. It completely destroyed me inside but I won't go into details. After I graduated I never wanted to see any of them again and I swore I would never attend a class reunion. As the years went by time gradually healed some of the wounds and by the time my 20 year reunion came around I reluctantly decided to go. To my surprise everyone was nice to me and seemed genuinely glad that I had come. I had a very nice conversation with several of them and one even apologized for how she treated me in school. And then there was Nic. He made my life a living hell for no reason other than to boost his own ego. He was there at the reunion and just sat there with a smug look and never said one word to me. I still hold a lot of bitterness and resentment toward him for all of the mean things he did to me. I wouldn't give that guy a squirt of piss if he was dying of thirst and he showed absolutely no remorse for how he treated me either.

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post #38 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 06:11 PM
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This is something I personally encountered with my bullies and I'm just wondering how common it ls.

Quickly, the question is this - If you still know (or know of) the people who bullied you in school, did they ever change?

I don't think mine ever did. I met them years later just randomly at a public place and they were still the same bunch of jerks they always were. Which surprised me actually because I had changed quite a bit.

I actually befriended my bully in school. He used to bully me for more than a year until one day I had enough and fought back. After that day, something changed and we became friends. We used to eat lunch at the same table and we got along.
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post #39 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 07:26 PM
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don't care. don't care to see them ever again.

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post #40 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 08:57 PM
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I was picked on by this one guy in school from grade 6 to 8... thankfully I wasn't his main target... but netherless, I felt I needed to be away from him, so I went a high school out of my area.


I remember seeing him again here and there when I was in grade 9 as he still ived near me... became a little more louder and aggressive because of hormones i guess.


When I started university, didn't see him around until 3rd year. I was walking to a bus stop to get school. On my way there I cross path with him. As I approach him I was sorta wondering is that really him?
No way! He didn't grow much, was smoking and looking like crap. I was well over 1/2 a foot taller than him and felt superior too him. Anyways I felt that he deserved to look like crap, but at the sametime, I think part of the reason he was a crappy person was because of his mother... I wont get into details but... I try too see the bigger picture here... anyways life moves on...
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