Social Anxiety in high school - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-02-2019, 05:01 PM Thread Starter
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Social Anxiety in high school


Hello I just discovered this forum so I thought I would try it out. Iíve had an extremely hard time making friends for my entire life. Iím currently a junior in high school, and the fact that I havenít really made a good group of friends, or even one friend is really starting to freak me out. Iíve always been okay with the way things have been, but now Iím starting to feel sad and lonely all the time, and I just canít take it anymore.
Iíve been able to make acquaintances/friends each school year, but I havenít really made any friends that have stuck. After each year, I never keep in touch with these people anymore, and they stop talking to me. I just donít know how to take that extra step and make them a real friend. At the end of each year, I always regret not talking to people as much as I shouldíve. The new school year just started a couple weeks ago, and Iím afraid the same thing will happen again, and it really scares me. If I canít make friends now, I donít know how I ever will. Itíll lead to a sad and lonely life that I really donít want for myself.
Well, I guess Iíll stop there. Please leave tips if you have any, and feel free to ask questions if thereís anything else you need to know in order to help. Thanks!
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post #2 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-03-2019, 09:20 AM
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I know the feeling, i'll try to give you something usefull.
Stay positive, learn social skills, eye contact, how to greet people, fake it till you make it, slowly get out from your comfort zone, never isolate yourself, interact with people, smile... These are just general tips I hope you found these usefull
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post #3 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-05-2019, 08:47 AM
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Making friends is always tough for me as well. Are the friends you made the previous year in school not still in your same school or classes? Try to pick up again with them if they are still around
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post #4 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-05-2019, 03:24 PM
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post #5 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-06-2019, 04:26 AM Thread Starter
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Making friends is always tough for me as well. Are the friends you made the previous year in school not still in your same school or classes? Try to pick up again with them if they are still around
The sucky thing about my situation is that I literally see none of the people that I’ve started to make friends with. They still go to the same school, but I never see them around lol. So I basically have to start all over again
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post #6 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-06-2019, 04:27 AM Thread Starter
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I can’t figure out if you can edit posts or not so I’ll just post again, my school is also like... huge. So many kids, so it’s hard to make friendships stick.
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post #7 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-06-2019, 04:44 AM
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If i remember correctly you can edit after 50 posts. &#x1f642;
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post #8 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-06-2019, 08:00 AM
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The sucky thing about my situation is that I literally see none of the people that Iíve started to make friends with. They still go to the same school, but I never see them around lol. So I basically have to start all over again
That sucks you never see them in school. Can you get together with them after school for some activity you liked to do together before? You could just text them and say basically "hi I missed you and lets hang out again".
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post #9 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-06-2019, 08:20 AM
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In a big school, you can't control the comings and goings and scheduling of friends and acquaintances. Unless you're with them 100% of the time, everyone drifts apart to some degree.

That said, in a big school you will end up making the same mutual friends that your old friends make (simply because you have the same type of personalities). As time goes by, you'll actually make a large circle of friends with old and new, and you won't even need to introduce each other. But it takes a while for that to happen, might take a whole year to see this effect.

For now, the only thing you can control, is to participate in class. By just raising your hand and making a comment out loud, some other student is going to remember and become an icebreaker topic of conversation in the future. The more often you participate the more you'll be in people's consciousness (though sometimes they can be hit/miss, but the point is to do it and get used to participating) and the more reason they will have to talk with you.

"I might be great tomorrow, but hopeless yesterday"
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post #10 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 05:25 PM Thread Starter
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sorry I just now saw these comments lol thank you all for replying, I will try my best to use these tips and try to finally make some friends... probably won’t happen though
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post #11 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 08:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Seven4601 View Post
I know the feeling, i'll try to give you something usefull.
Stay positive, learn social skills, eye contact, how to greet people, fake it till you make it, slowly get out from your comfort zone, never isolate yourself, interact with people, smile... These are just general tips I hope you found these usefull
I can’t agree more with ‘fake it till you make it’. I used to be Really shy, but at some point, maybe in college? I just started pretending to be outgoing, and overtime it came more easily.
The nice thing about being a Jr in high school is that you can try it out now, and in 2 years, leave school and start over - so if you feel embarrassed or have regrets you can pretend like it never happened. I decided in college to try out being a new version of myself, because there was no one there to say I was faking it.

Make small talk with people in your classes about school work, etc. to break the ice and then ask them questions about what they’re into. Make little jokes if you can. Do it again the next time you see them, and then again. If conversation seems natural, keep it up. If not, try someone else until you find someone that seems to click with you, then ask who they hang out with. See if you can join in on their group. Good luck!

It'll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls, for the times they are a changing.
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post #12 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 08:28 PM
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I know the struggle as well. One thing that might be important is to work on yourself and use that as your main focus, and things will fall into place. Like maybe be aware of how you may present yourself. This is funny, but I made sure I was aware of my "resting face" so that I don't look mad or unapproachable haha. As a kid, people would always tell me that I look sad, so that was something I worked on. It actually made people talk to me more. I'm still extremely awkward and nervous around people, but I feel happy when people take the time to talk to me. I still don't really have friends, but for now I'm focusing on just saying hi and having small conversations here and there.
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post #13 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-14-2019, 04:10 PM Thread Starter
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thank you guys for all the advice. It’s been really helpful, actually. I thought I would make an update and tell you guys about the things I’ve been doing, even if you don’t really care lol.
I’ve been making some small talk with a girl I sit by in science, which I think had been going pretty well so far.
I gave someone a compliment, which I don’t really do very often.
I’ve been talking to a couple girls in my pe class a little bit (one of them is the one I complimented).
If you guys have any more advice to give me I would truly appreciate it. I’m able to make small amounts of small talk, but not much else haha
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post #14 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-14-2019, 08:11 PM
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I thought I would make an update and tell you guys about the things Iíve been doing, even if you donít really care lol.
Iíve been making some small talk with a girl I sit by in science, which I think had been going pretty well so far.
I gave someone a compliment, which I donít really do very often.
Iíve been talking to a couple girls in my pe class a little bit (one of them is the one I complimented).
Yes we all care on this site. Good job with the small talk with the girls. Since you have made some small talk the next step is to ask them out on a date if you want to. Invite her to something specific. ďDo you want to hang out sometime?Ē is much different than, ďWould you like to see a movie on Friday night?Ē If you are vague with your invitation, she can be vague with her answer. Instead, give her a specific event that you'd like to take her to, and she can give you a concrete answer.

Good luck and let me know how it goes.
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post #15 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-16-2019, 03:10 PM Thread Starter
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I’m gonna post another update because why not
So I’ve been talking to that girl in science more, which is good. Also, today in pe we were walking the track, and I walked with the girls who I’ve been talking to. I’ve think I worked pretty hard today when talking to them. I basically would say what came to my mind, and I would try to start conversations without worrying about saying something stupid, which is what I usually do. I can’t really tell if we’re clicking or not, and I’m still really new at this friend making thing. I don’t really know if they like me, it’s hard to tell as of now.
Anyway, I know I may not have explained this too clearly, so if anyone has any questions, then please ask. I’d love to read through some more advice if anyone has any. Thank youuu
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post #16 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-16-2019, 09:48 PM
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Iím gonna post another update because why not
So Iíve been talking to that girl in science more, which is good. Also, today in pe we were walking the track, and I walked with the girls who Iíve been talking to. Iíve think I worked pretty hard today when talking to them. I basically would say what came to my mind, and I would try to start conversations without worrying about saying something stupid, which is what I usually do. I canít really tell if weíre clicking or not, and Iím still really new at this friend making thing. I donít really know if they like me, itís hard to tell as of now.
Anyway, I know I may not have explained this too clearly, so if anyone has any questions, then please ask. Iíd love to read through some more advice if anyone has any. Thank youuu
Good job continuing to talk with the girls. Clicking with someone and having chemistry is difficult to judge sometimes. But if they keep talking to you its a very good sign. If they didn't like you they will start avoiding you and not really talk to you. They will just give you one word responses to your questions and not really be interested in chatting. Is there one particular girl you are really interested in or the group of girls as a whole?
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post #17 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 12:53 PM Thread Starter
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I’m gonna post another update because why not
So I’ve been talking to that girl in science more, which is good. Also, today in pe we were walking the track, and I walked with the girls who I’ve been talking to. I’ve think I worked pretty hard today when talking to them. I basically would say what came to my mind, and I would try to start conversations without worrying about saying something stupid, which is what I usually do. I can’t really tell if we’re clicking or not, and I’m still really new at this friend making thing. I don’t really know if they like me, it’s hard to tell as of now.
Anyway, I know I may not have explained this too clearly, so if anyone has any questions, then please ask. I’d love to read through some more advice if anyone has any. Thank youuu
Good job continuing to talk with the girls. Clicking with someone and having chemistry is difficult to judge sometimes. But if they keep talking to you its a very good sign. If they didn't like you they will start avoiding you and not really talk to you. They will just give you one word responses to your questions and not really be interested in chatting. Is there one particular girl you are really interested in or the group of girls as a whole?
I honestly don’t really know. I don’t seem to be clicking with either of the girls, and they already know each other and are friends, so that makes it tough for me to make my way in there. Today in pe, I was hoping maybe they’d say hi to me or maybe just seem more friendly around me. But they didn’t say a word to me. I don’t know if it was really fair for me to just assume that since I talked to them tomorrow, they’d automatically talk to me. But it seems like the only way I can get them to talk to me is if I initiate it... also, they kind of “popular”-ish, so that makes it hard too. They’re not really looking to make friends as much as I am, so they probably aren’t recognizing the fact that I want to become friends with them.
Anyway, the girl in science is really nice, so I think I need to gear more energy towards being her friend over the girls in dance. I can still try with the other girls, though.
I’m just kind of lost lol. I don’t really know what I should do next
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post #18 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 01:46 PM Thread Starter
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I’m gonna post another update because why not
So I’ve been talking to that girl in science more, which is good. Also, today in pe we were walking the track, and I walked with the girls who I’ve been talking to. I’ve think I worked pretty hard today when talking to them. I basically would say what came to my mind, and I would try to start conversations without worrying about saying something stupid, which is what I usually do. I can’t really tell if we’re clicking or not, and I’m still really new at this friend making thing. I don’t really know if they like me, it’s hard to tell as of now.
Anyway, I know I may not have explained this too clearly, so if anyone has any questions, then please ask. I’d love to read through some more advice if anyone has any. Thank youuu
Good job continuing to talk with the girls. Clicking with someone and having chemistry is difficult to judge sometimes. But if they keep talking to you its a very good sign. If they didn't like you they will start avoiding you and not really talk to you. They will just give you one word responses to your questions and not really be interested in chatting. Is there one particular girl you are really interested in or the group of girls as a whole?
I honestly don’t really know. I don’t seem to be clicking with either of the girls, and they already know each other and are friends, so that makes it tough for me to make my way in there. Today in pe, I was hoping maybe they’d say hi to me or maybe just seem more friendly around me. But they didn’t say a word to me. I don’t know if it was really fair for me to just assume that since I talked to them tomorrow, they’d automatically talk to me. But it seems like the only way I can get them to talk to me is if I initiate it... also, they kind of “popular”-ish, so that makes it hard too. They’re not really looking to make friends as much as I am, so they probably aren’t recognizing the fact that I want to become friends with them.
Anyway, the girl in science is really nice, so I think I need to gear more energy towards being her friend over the girls in dance. I can still try with the other girls, though.
I’m just kind of lost lol. I don’t really know what I should do next
sorry if my other post doesn’t really make sense, I meant to say pe, not dance. The pe class I’m in is dance though, but I’ve been referring to it as pe in my posts
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post #19 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-18-2019, 01:59 PM Thread Starter
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Okay soooooo we got new seats in science... and I sit on the opposite side of the room from the girl I’ve been talking to. This really sucks and I don’t really know what to do. There aren’t really many opportunities for me to talk to her because of this.
Also, I’m still dealing with the whole pe situation that I talked about in the other post. Please respond to both of these issues if you have any tips
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post #20 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-19-2019, 02:22 PM Thread Starter
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This forum was actually helping me but now no one is responding to me anymore lol
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