How is your mental health during this pandemic?

Greetings,

I had contemplated and gained some approval on starting a thread for the purpose of expressing mental health concerns as we are facing the COVID19 pandemic. With the news and social media overwhelmingly reporting about it and many are in self-quarantine, it can take its toll on our mental health and overall well-being. Here is the place you can freely express about how you are doing, types of crises that come along with this situation, and in what ways we can cope with our given situation(s).

I want this to be a safe place to let others freely express their personal concerns and without anyone making inappropriate posts. (ex; controversies, shaming, etc.) If anything, we need to be uplifting each other so that there is a sense of an e-community, especially for those who may not have support elsewhere.

Please, if you want to talk about statistics and general cases, post them on Coronavirus Discussion. For politically-related discussion, post on COVID19 – Political Thread. Thank you.

Mine is about the same as it usually is except for it is obviously very depressing to see so many people losing so much and suffering so much distress and uncertainty.

Obviously when something is pressing on you more than the usual in everyday life you're going to feel it. But I'm pretty resilient to this particular type of stress as long as things don't get much worse in my own "bubble" (unfortunately you do have to be somewhat selfish in that I obviously want to survive this as much as the next person does with minimal damage to my life and health).

I'm not handling this well at all. I've already long been suffering dread of what will become of me when my parents are gone, which probably isn't in the distant future as it is. This just makes the fear so much worse, bringing it so much closer. I've tried to express/explain this fear to my parents multiple times, but they just don't care. I tell them, I'm going to be completely alone, unable to care for myself...it doesn't make one dent. They have no plan for what will become of me and they're not interested in coming up with one.

I know it isn't total indifference to my fate, I mean, I THINK they love me, but...I don't know what it is. Extreme denial? Do they really just believe that when they're gone, I'll suddenly get over this lifelong crippling anxiety and depression, learn all the life skills I need, and be okay? I don't know.

They get angry when I cry and worry about them so I do it in my room alone at night. It's getting harder to hold it together through the day, though, with the constant barrage of bad news.

I feel okay for short periods of time, then remind myself of the truth, what's coming, and it's like I need permission to feel okay and under these circumstances that permission is denied. I'm not allowed to feel okay when this awful thing is looming over us. I can't even escape in a book, a song, a daydream. It's always there. Sleep is the only thing that brings relief (I get slight social interaction in my dreams, and if COVID-19 shows up at all, it's still something distant, something inconsequential...so far)...then I wake up to the awful reality all over again.

The worst thing I've read about so far is the dying alone. When you die from COVID-19, you're going to die alone. I can't forgive myself for not being there when a cat of mine was put to sleep...in 2001. Imagine how much worse if it's a parent. I won't be allowed to be there for them. And if it's me instead, they won't be allowed to be there for me. I've spent most of my life lonely and alone aside from my parents...they're all I have. I don't want to be alive anymore when they're gone, even if I could make it on my own, which I can't. That's bad enough. But suffering and dying afraid and alone...that's even worse. Not even a doctor is likely to be there. I know why this is but it just seems intolerable, unforgivable. Why can't we come up with a better way? Nobody should die alone.

...I don't know how to end this and I'm crying again. I just wish I'd get a brain aneurysm or something in my sleep, quick and painless, and go before they do. They'd get over it. I've been nothing but a huge burden and disappointment to them anyway. Then I wouldn't have to wake up to this looming fear every morning, this fear that will still be here even if we make it through this. It's not a matter of if, it's just when.

...And then I remember our cat, and don't know who would take care of her...she's already been rescued twice. She shouldn't be left alone, either...I wish I just hadn't been born at all. And I hope so badly none of us suffer, but it's looking more and more likely and I can't handle it and there's nobody here to tell me, without lying, that it'll be okay. There isn't even anybody to hold or hug.

Not proofed.

I was already starting into another self esteem and social withdrawal slump when the pandemic started getting bad here. The decrease in social contact I don't know if it made it worse or not. But when things were normal, the more I interacted with people, it only made it worse definitely, as every interaction I had, they only further validate my worsening slump of this. So maybe a break from people might just be a good thing. Although being here is also worsening my slump as well.

I'm feeling pretty bad today just irritable really, but overall it's been a bit better lately, I appreciate the distraction. My mental health and everything else is generally awful though that's why a pandemic is a distraction.

I mean I do feel bad about the people who are really concerned about it etc, and it will obviously be annoying if it goes on forever. I've also been ill the last few days and disinfecting everything I touch is annoying. But it sort of reminds me of that time I was out in a big storm (for here,) and people were freaking out and stuff and my social anxiety went that was fun overall. Like a horror film. This isn't the same as that, and I'm not excited but maybe it's loosely related.

Good to see this thread made and getting responses.

I guess I would also say that this is pretty much the same way I have been living ever since I quit my last job ~2005 (which was itself the longest time period I have ever been employed - About 5 years).

Ever since then I have been living in constant fear of something happening to my parents and the general uncertainty of not being able to see any good way for things to turn out in the future. The only certainty I had was time will march on no matter what and the only things that could change in my life would probably change in a bad way.

So all I have had to hope for for the last 15 years every time I go to bed is that nothing will change. Because the stable bad that I'm used to is far preferable to the chaotic bad that has been the stuff of my nightmares all my life.

And now the only thing I can hope for is this chaotic bad will go back to stable bad. Basically, a miracle would have to happen.

So I have to kind of not think about my personal situation so much and focus on the facts of what is happening, what is going to happen and what is likely to happen and how long this is going to go on. And also, focus on just day to day survival and try not to worry about things that haven't happened yet (and might not).

Just as bad as before lol

I'm in a fortunate situation compared to many. I live alone and will continue to get paid throughout this entire thing. Still, this whole situation has made my anxiety much worse. Before this, my situational anxiety was very bad but my day-to-day anxiety wasn't. Now I'm more anxious on a daily basis than I was before.

I'm also finding it very difficult to concentrate. I'm used to working in a fast-paced environment where I can interact with people and move around. Now that I'm stuck at home, the time drags on and on. It's hard for me to focus. I try to vary what I'm working on, but I still check the news way too much, which is just depressing.

I've been having trouble sleeping, too. It's hard for me to turn my brain off at night. Even when I'm asleep, I have anxiety-filled dreams. I'm hoping that will settle down, though. Usually what happens is that I go through a period where I sleep badly and then I get so exhausted that I sleep soundly for one night, before the process starts all over again.

Same as always, which by regular standards would probably be classed as not ideal but I'm used to it, isolating doesn't bother me cause I always swayed that way anyway & I have plenty savings/no debt.

It's funny. My dreams really are not affected by what happens in my day to day life all that much. I mean, there are usually things from the day before in there (often very awkwardly shoehorned into strangely unrelated scenarios) but I don't think I've had a single dream about what's going on or anything I could say is probably my brain thinking about it while I'm asleep. My dreams are just what they always are (if I have them or remember them at all).

I don't feel anxious about it but last week when I went out I actually took it seriously and I didn't enjoy that I just had to go out to get groceries and some fresh air and then go home as when I went to get groceries it was frustrating bc I tried to social distance two meters away but couldn't always bcause of the amount of people in the way

I can share to an extent about how it affects loved ones (or rather, how it affects me on the fact that loved ones are at risk.) One of my aunts is in remission after battling two types of cancers and one of her daughters lectures/yells at said-aunt if she goes out to drive to some places for an hour. Last I had seen her before the pandemic she looked frail; while not on completely good terms with her due to characteristic clashes, I had strong feelings once hearing about what was going on even in between.

My parents are also 'getting up there', so to speak, and I worry more about how it could impact them. I was sick for some weeks but as the pandemic was making its way in I was displaying some symptoms and contemplated on whether to get help. My father also had a cough for some weeks as well. Ironically enough, my mother had minimum to no symptoms despite how she tends to have a weaker immune system. But even if one's asymptomatic doesn't mean it's not there. My family tends to be good at 'if *it is not present, there isn't an issue' - or something of that nature that pretty much says being in denial. So this is no different.

@tehuti88 - I'm sorry with all of the conditions you go through, truly. I had seen some of what you've posted prior to this and I cannot imagine the anxiety and overall fear you must be going through. Even if it's cliche and not helpful, you're stronger than you realize. You have many of us people here who are concerned and can hit us up if you feel like you're completely alone.

no one in my flat is talking to anyone else. usually it's just me that is the outsider. so it feels pretty grim.

I was stressed about being a little sick and what to do about it. but now I'm just trying to not think about it. I think I blew it out of proportion a bit. but also not. I flip flop between extremes and it was getting me nowhere. so just forget about it!

I'm having difficulty concentrating so I haven't done any programming. but I've been fairly content to just sit there watching movies, doing some cleaning, sometimes just doing nothing or sleeping for extra time.

work is probably helping me stay sane. its something to focus on. people there also sound sick - coughing and sniffing. but everyone is generally keeping their distance. so it feels fairly safe to continue going there. if someone takes sick leave then the place is liable to have to shut down.

I haven't been to the supermarket since the lockdown began. I have rice for breakfast lunch and dinner now. not much else left! still plenty of stuff to go with the rice though so it's a reasonably healthy meal. a little boring. I really wish I had some snack foods. but I think I can delay supermarket for another week.

I'm less anxious because I don't have to dread any social interaction. And my meds are keeping my mood regulated for the most part. So I'm chillin' lol.

I've been trying to steer away from the news for a little while, especially when hearing some things on the television that makes things depressing and slightly more fearful. One tends to think that nothing would happen to them unless it ends up being 'one in a million' case of getting extremely sick enough. I have a doctor's appointment that was scheduled some weeks back that I 'have' to go to in a few hours and I'm thinking of simply walking since I don't know how the transportation is running now. This means at least an hour of being out (excluding the visit itself), and anything can happen even if I'm walking alone.

It's hard to concentrate since essentially I am working at home (for now) and have online courses to complete. Just read an email from the university earlier that there will be no graduation commencement. Knew it was coming but I think I'm also trying to mentally numb myself for now since there were some things that I'd hope for the occasion. I'm going to at least attempt on having some alternatives.

As @firestar said, I'm probably also one that's a bit luckier than most. But I do miss my normal routines and the fact that some of them I'll never get back to again. I'll stop from there.

Thanks for asking. I'm doing okay mentally.

Obviously still affected by the whole covid thing and everyday worries, but I'm not depressed-depressed. (Yet).

You know, I thought my mental health would be much better -- not having to go anywhere, being able to conduct meetings and stuff online. I'm much better speaking to people and doing things online rather than in-person. I think that, if my life were actually normal aside from the pandemic, I would be a lot better off. But this year has been so unreal.

My dad had a stroke on January 8. All things considered I'm glad it happened when it did, before this pandemic broke out, because he was in the hospital for a week and then rehab for another week. During the course of investigating the cause of his stroke, however, the doctors discovered that he has Stage 4 metastatic bladder cancer. Which is not so great, timing-wise... And in general, of course. He's been getting chemotherapy, which puts him at Extreme risk for contracting the virus. I've suddenly become the primary caregiver for both my father and mother, while still taking classes at the university, and it's been overwhelming to say the least. I mean they're not completely dependent; they can still do some things. But still. I'm deathly afraid to go anywhere at all because if I did catch the virus, I'd almost certainly pass it to my dad and he wouldn't survive. The weird thing is that I don't care about me; I think I have a decent chance of fighting it off, but even if I did die, then so be it. Maybe I'm a bit suicidal these days. But I couldn't live with killing my parents, even if it wasn't really my fault.

My university has moved all classes online, and the professor in my hardest class is only making things more difficult. He canceled all lectures and has basically been maintaining radio silence for the past three weeks, while we work on the hardest assignment I've ever encountered, which has left even the TA's completely stumped. He pushed back some deadlines which is great and all, but... I don't understand why he's suddenly washed his hands of the class, so to speak. At least my other courses have been conducting online lectures, which work quite well. It's like... how are we supposed to learn if we only have the TA's for guidance? What's the use of having a professor if all he does is release an announcement once every couple of weeks?

So yeah. Not doing well. And the ironic thing is, with my dad suddenly being forced into retirement, not to mention the crash of the markets and me being the same lazy, useless *** as always, I couldn't even afford help if I wanted it!

please don't ever commit suicide! best of luck in your studies at university. I know it's a difficult time right now though and they've now turned to online studying.