Are you Socially Anxious or Socially Awkward? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 29 (permalink) Old 04-23-2020, 05:37 AM Thread Starter
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Are you Socially Anxious or Socially Awkward?


I've been on this website for a long long time. I first started way back in 2011, and then I got tired of the place and left. The idea was to leave for good. But after experimenting with other related websites I noticed that this one was the most active and the most friendly. I returned in 2013 with a brand new profile, and I've been here ever since. As some of you can remember back in 2011 you could make the request to have your profile banned. That is why I had to start a new profile.

Even after returning to SAS, I never felt like I fully fit in. Something always felt a little off. I think I know why. I'm Socially Awkward, not Socially Anxious. Talking to people in real life or online does not make me break out in sweat or hyperventilate. It does not bother me to write things. But what does bother me is the fact that I get misunderstood. I think my words don't always come out as clear as they need to be. There have been many times when someone read something of mine, and took it completely backwards from what I meant. There have been times when it has happened so badly that I had to cut off interactions, and even put people on ignore simply because there is no way for me help them to see things in my direction. It's like my brain spins in one direction and their brain spins in the other direction.

I'm almost ready to post, and yet I realized I'm not done yet. There is still more clarification needed. Please understand, I'm not just talking about SAS. Many of the issues I have describe also happen to me in other places. It happened on various social networking sites, and facebook included. It's also happened in real life. Just something about the way I communicate and the way others receive it, doesn't always add up. Like I said, I don't think it is just a simple misunderstanding when someone can take what you said in a completely opposite direction.

Maybe you can help me out.
Are you Socially Anxious or Socially Awkward?
When you say you are Socially Anxious what do you mean by that?
When you say you are Socially Awkward what do you mean by that?
Are you a combination of the two? If so What do you mean by that?
Can you give me an example of something that happens to you because your Socially Anxious?
Can you give me an example of something that happens to you because your Socially Awkward?
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post #2 of 29 (permalink) Old 04-23-2020, 05:54 AM
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im both. I get socially anxious about the htought of having to meet up with people i dont know well. For example my brother just gpt engaged and im already worrying about it, i dont want to go and i dont know what to do. Even the thought of future funerals make me anxious. If a member of my extended family die, i will go to the Church service but i will not go to the recpetion. I worry that if my parents die, i will have to go to the recpetion but i do not know how i will handle it. It makes me nervous.

As regards being sociall y awkward, i feel that way whenever i enter those social sitautions. my mind goes blank. im incapable of small talk. im not comfortable around people. im nervous. I have zero friends so its hard to build up confidence,, i am unable to make conversation. I then overthink things and believe others find me odd.....then my confidence further spirals downwards. The only good thing i can say about itis im in therapy for it.It helps to some extent.
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post #3 of 29 (permalink) Old 04-23-2020, 07:23 AM Thread Starter
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@irishkarl I don't know what is causing your condition. Is it chemical or is it from trauma or is it both? You seem to worry a lot. My number 1 worry is caused by a weak stomach which is effected by post nasal drip and IBS. I'm worried about getting sick and throwing up in public. It's embarrassing.
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post #4 of 29 (permalink) Old 04-23-2020, 03:07 PM
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I would say both, but the anxiety I feel is a response to certain problems I have: trouble communicating, feeling like I have nothing to say, or not knowing how to respond to certain things that other people would be able to intuitively. I also have a loss of interest in socializing because the anxiety and other neurotic feelings I have are more prevalent than healthier feelings when I try to socialize. It isn't the anxiety itself that is the problem, it's knowing that I come to social situations with certain inhibitions that most people don't have and will not accept as normal (my general quietness and unresponsiveness), that creates anxiety and paralyzes me further, making me more awkward and inhibited in social situations. I think my SA is rooted in brain trauma I suffered when I was ten or so. I have never been socially the same since then. I have felt off and out of touch with people ever since.

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post #5 of 29 (permalink) Old 04-23-2020, 10:00 PM
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I am both. I get nervous whenever socializing. Sometimes I start sweating & have a hard time with eye contact. I am just weird. I am not interested in what most people talk about..id rather stay away and be alone. I am too emotional and have too many mental problems. I can say Hi how are you..and that's about it..and then I just walk away..Its too weird for me. I am not that interested in socializing because I am too awkward.
Something that happened a few days ago..is that I went to the grocery store..I already had a hard time because my prescription glasses are loose.but I need them...and I had to wear the face mask..which made my glasses fog up every few breaths...I had to keep wiping my glasses...and I was getting dizzy/sweating/nervous. I get so nervous that I drop things and it makes me clumsy.....(that was only being out around people not even socializing) But I had to ask the cashier a few questions and I always say sorry......for everything. I feel my existence is a bother to anyone. It is just a disaster. Not always but probbaly 97% of the time.
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post #6 of 29 (permalink) Old 04-24-2020, 06:22 AM Thread Starter
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@Don

If you don't mind me asking what caused your brain trauma?
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post #7 of 29 (permalink) Old 04-24-2020, 08:47 AM
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I'm socially awkward because I'm socially anxious. And I'm socially anxious because I'm socially awkward. Yes, it's sort of an ouroboros of thought. But no matter how much I rationalize it, it doesn't go away.
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post #8 of 29 (permalink) Old 04-24-2020, 09:56 AM
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I don't really know. My last therapist suspected I had ptsd (though she technically can't diagnosis me? I don't think.) so in a way it's hard for me to understand what makes me anxious vs. what doesn't. The avoidance aspect of it kicked in in my teenage years. Large crowds, or more specifically school was a pretty big trigger. It didn't help that I was bullied either. I remember being so freaked out I would literally hide. I didn't used to have phone anxiety. But it dawned on me that this person called repeatedly after what had happened, and since I didn't tell anyone or want to raise suspicion as I felt that it was partially my fault at the time, not too mention my parents started to question me dodging the call or telling them to say "she's not here" so once or twice I did take the phone from them. I think such a large part of me told myself it didn't happen. That I wanted to believe it and almost lived in this delusional state where I didn't acknowledge it. As long as I avoided the phone calls, the person, it didn't happen completely oblivious that I was making my anxiety worse. I would say that usually, I'm not anxious making small talk with people, I can even be a little outgoing at times. But other times I'm a complete mess.

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post #9 of 29 (permalink) Old 04-24-2020, 10:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Born Useless View Post
@Don

If you don't mind me asking what caused your brain trauma?
I had viral encephalitis and meningitis (which basically causes your brain and parts of the spine to swell). I had to relearn a lot of basic education after that. I was not even able to recite the alphabet from memory. Anything involving a lot of sequential thought was extremely hard for me. The hardest thing was I struggled to do basic communication anymore and shut down socially. And I've recovered basically all of my cognitive abilities today (I still struggle with anything sequential a bit but it's not too bad), but socially I have never been the same.

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post #10 of 29 (permalink) Old 04-24-2020, 11:03 AM
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At this point I pretty much don't care what my official diagnosis is (or would be). I am almost 50 years old and my physical health is completely ruined. It's not going to do any good to split hairs now. All I know is I identify more with people here than I ever have anywhere else. I am not here to conquer my problems (which would be impossible at this point anyway). I'm just here to be among similar people.

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post #11 of 29 (permalink) Old 04-24-2020, 03:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Omni-slash View Post
I'm socially awkward because I'm socially anxious. And I'm socially anxious because I'm socially awkward. Yes, it's sort of an ouroboros of thought. But no matter how much I rationalize it, it doesn't go away.
Some innate social awkwardness could lead to social anxiety and perhaps some innate sense of social anxiety could lead to behavior that is considered socially awkward. I think becoming self-aware of one's own awkwardness or potential to be awkward is a culminator of social anxiety.

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post #12 of 29 (permalink) Old 04-24-2020, 03:29 PM
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Definitely both, but more awkward I think. I have awkward body language and sometimes I respond to things in a weird tone lol. Like I'll say something that comes out overly sing-songy or very monotone, and it's just inappropriate for whatever the situation is.
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post #13 of 29 (permalink) Old 04-24-2020, 03:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Born Useless View Post
But what does bother me is the fact that I get misunderstood. I think my words don't always come out as clear as they need to be. There have been many times when someone read something of mine, and took it completely backwards from what I meant. There have been times when it has happened so badly that I had to cut off interactions, and even put people on ignore simply because there is no way for me help them to see things in my direction. It's like my brain spins in one direction and their brain spins in the other direction.

I'm almost ready to post, and yet I realized I'm not done yet. There is still more clarification needed. Please understand, I'm not just talking about SAS. Many of the issues I have describe also happen to me in other places. It happened on various social networking sites, and facebook included. It's also happened in real life. Just something about the way I communicate and the way others receive it, doesn't always add up. Like I said, I don't think it is just a simple misunderstanding when someone can take what you said in a completely opposite direction.
Can you give a specific example?
I've had certain people do that to me. Even on here. I just avoid them.
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post #14 of 29 (permalink) Old 04-24-2020, 04:06 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scarpia View Post
Can you give a specific example?
I've had certain people do that to me. Even on here. I just avoid them.
I don't feel secure giving those examples.
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post #15 of 29 (permalink) Old 04-26-2020, 08:55 PM
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Both! Do I get extra points? The anxiety makes me awkward and the awkwardness makes me anxious. Its like a feedback loop.
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post #16 of 29 (permalink) Old 04-29-2020, 04:09 AM
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In my case, I have Asperger but I will try to answere nonetheless...


Are you Socially Anxious or Socially Awkward?
Socially awkward. As I am possibly naturally "different" from the norm, without looking out of the norm. It's the interactions and .. I just don't get along with a lot of people. The awkwardness creates anxiety, but that is another story. There's some fear, as I tend to avoid people I do not need to interact with.

When you say you are Socially Anxious what do you mean by that?
Stressed of being around people or having to interact with them and dealing with their reactions (varying from very nice to RUDE).

When you say you are Socially Awkward what do you mean by that?
One guy did a "gay" test on me. He was staring and he said he could spot gay people.... and his "results" was that I was rather socially awkward. lol
The one thing is that OTHERS will make you feel if you are being awkward. One of the reasons why I avoid useless interactions is because people are rude and selfish. Most "friends" weren't so I prefer my alone time, although my parents, each on their side, have positive input in my life.

Are you a combination of the two? If so What do you mean by that? As I said earlier, I think, for me personally, the awkwardness fuels the anxiety, but there's a bit of anxiety too. Mostly awkward though.

Can you give me an example of something that happens to you because your Socially Anxious?
Panic attack once in college in a round table "presentation". I felt low and pressured and was not so well prepared.
Debating whether I should go somewhere, just like a store I never went too, Don't know how I'll be treated and I might feel "forced" to buy something.
I don't try to date anyone or make friends. I don't trust others. My basic needs are met and that's good for me. Had to tone down expectations for myself and life in general. One day at a time. I also like to wear "psychological" blinders. Not looking what's going on around, not hearing around, just look up straight and do my things and only deal with the people in my eyesight.
I tried to connect with others, be nice, make friends, help others... but a lot of humans are dishonest, so I switched my lifestyle and so far, it works!


Can you give me an example of something that happens to you because your Socially Awkward?
Just trying to be nice with people. In 2020, respect is an endangered species. I agree that, so far, this place (SAS) is one of the safest online.
Gone are the social media like Fakebook, Extragram and all that showing off competition going on in there. It used to be for people, now it's mostly for businesses or for selfies etc, YouTube slowing becoming CorpTube. Ok, just that opinion is "awkward". I'm supposed to be proud that *******s can pretend they are great people online. A bit of charisma, on a selfie, to put a balm over all the crap that goes on behind closed doors. The guy who owns a luxury vehicle by stealing people on a daily basis.. and people liking that kind of stuff on Fakebook.... who are the clowns me or these... anyway.. ugh!

I'm awkward because I'm honest, I don't take no **** no more and I don't care. I don't mind being awkward so much. I just am. If you're not happy with that, leave me alone or look away. Social distancing kinda helps with that. lol

Hope it goes well for you!
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post #17 of 29 (permalink) Old 04-29-2020, 04:12 AM
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I'm just gonna hedge my bets and diagnose myself as "crazy". Whatever is wrong with me, that covers it, right? It all goes in the same bin as far as most people are concerned so there's not much point in trying to sugar coat it.

/WYSD
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post #18 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-01-2020, 04:38 AM
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I can get socially anxious but I'm never really awkward.
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post #19 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-04-2020, 08:19 PM
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Both...they feed into each other. My awkwardness around others makes me anxious which causes physical symptoms which makes me feel awkward & round it goes
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post #20 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-04-2020, 08:34 PM
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My social awkwardness is a product of my SA.

My social anxiety means I've been too scared to do something as simple as making a phone call, opening a door, looking people in the face, or greeting someone I know. For example, when I am
in a situation where I'm feeling particularly judged and/or laughed at, my stomach starts heating up alot and my heart rate increases. I feel I need to leave the place immediately. I only feel better in more secluded areas when out in public.

Being socially awkward would mean I would accidentally make inappropriate responses like "Thank you" when being told "Goodbye", or getting looked at like I just asked someone what their cousin looks like naked when I ask them something as simple as "What time is it?". (A girl in high school once literally made this expression at me: when all I did was ask information about a class assignment.)



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