Social Anxiety Background
I've always been stressed and anxious, but I felt like I was always "in control" of it and able to contain myself. One day I just snapped, everything fell apart: I was utterly depressed, unable to move, unable to eat, and so anxious about social situations I couldn't leave my room for class. Ever since then, I've never been able to go back to that "in control" feeling completely, unless I start to drift to other means of abuse, like eating disorders or self-injury-- just things that I could control again.
The above "breakdown" that I mentioned happened three years ago, and I've never been *quite* as happy or content as I was before then. A lot of really stressful things were happening in my personal life around New Years-- I wasn't sure if my grandmother was going to survive past January. We spent a full month in and out of the hospital, then I lived with her as a primary care giver for three months while still going to school full time. I had to give up my job because of it. I was worried about her, about lack of money, about school, and so many other factors that it was just overwhelming. I cracked and went to a school doctor, who prescribed me with Ativan and Celexa, for longterm treatment.
My doctor told me it would take a week or two to really kick in. For the first week, I primarily used Ativan to nip panic attacks as they started so I could just walk into a class room. About 4-days to a week I was able to experience noticeable changes in my behavior. I felt calm, I didn't have to worry about the people around me, I could sit down and focus on school work without doubting myself, and I felt a new determination. The only negative-- and I'm not sure if it was the drug I was taking or the setting I was in (since I was primarily living with my grandmother, it was difficult to stay up late, and the rooms always had a dim lighting), I was drowsy almost constantly. I often found myself napping in the afternoon and going to bed early, between 10-11. This actually helped me with school, because I would be able to wake up early enough to get to class without a problem. One time I passed out cold in one of my computer labs, I was cold, already drowsy and I couldn't understand what was going on. I put my head down because I was starting to get a headache and next thing I know I completely missed the class.
I haven't really experienced the sexual frustration side effect. I actually find that I have that symptom a lot more frequently when I'm depressed or anxious, and that the Celexa actually helped that for me, because I'm calmer and confident, and I don't find myself criticizing myself at every turn.
I actually wasn't able to get my prescription filled for a couple of months, and those months were hell for me. Everything got harder, it felt, and as I got more stressed with school, the more I actively avoided people. I would hide under desks and take fire escapes to avoid conversations. I could feel myself breaking again, and I just resumed taking this drug to try and remedy these symptoms again.
Edit: I should mention that when the doctor mentioned to me that this drug was typically used for depression, and it also worked for SA, I was kind of skeptical but really willing to try anything. I didn't actively realize that I was depressed until I actually felt happiness again. Thats when I realized I hadn't been happy for years.