Possibly anyone that feels the same?
Hi, I am a female from Illinois that has been feeling the need to communicate with others that feel eerily like me. I am 35 years old and I have never been able to keep friendships. I understand, especially being in a social anxiety forum that I actually am not as lonely as I think, but I find it necessary to elaborate a bit on my life as to not be as misunderstood as I feel. First of all, I have been diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder at age 24, although I do not completely feel that I have it. I do not feel mentally ill but I will admit that I live a rather unique lifestyle at times. Sometimes, I wonder if this is due to me being estranged from others for so long. After I graduated high school, I lived hermit-like for about four years until I had gotten work in a food factory. Within this time working in the factory, (only 10 months) I had developed a great feeling of satisfaction as I was communicating with others as well as making friends, but unfortunately, I had a mental breakdown because I started to have suspicions of others as well the great feeling of inferiority, This is where the diagnosis of schizoaffective comes in. I had and still sometimes have the feelings that others have superhuman capabilities. For example, all people being able to read minds, excluding myself. I was let go from the job, due to not going back after sick leave. I haven't been able to get another job since, except now I am getting help from Department of Human Services for a slow return to work at least part time. I have been on social security since I was 25. I need to get off the social security as I feel awful using it for so long, but I just needed it while I was feeling unwell mentally. Unfortuneately, at the time I was put on social secuity and for a while after, the economy was not well itself as unfortunately not my anxiety, which anxiety is what I think should be a diagnosis of mine if anything. (Sorry for the mouthful). Anyway, It was said that I also experience tactile hallucinations, which is the feeling of being touched rather than visual or auditory hallucinations ( also experienced these type of hallucinations). These hallucinations arrived much later than the schizoaffective diagnosis and sometimes I think that they are due to a side effect of the medicine that I have been on. Although recently, I believe these feelings are from the spirit world. I have a lot of story to tell, but I'm going to try and cut some of it short because with all of my experiences, I can write a book and I am currently trying to write a book, ( to be continued...lol). Anyhow, I ended up joining Eharmony from 2018-2019. Yes, I met someone but unfortunately he ended up blowing me off for a long time and I ended up later, telling him off on whatsapp due to this, didn't get any response back until a few months later where he had gotten back to me asking how I've been and he missed me etc. We texted a few and he ended with a question and so did I. He didn't respond back for another four months until I just did yesterday when I texted Hi and seconds later he texted hello. No further conversation after that from neither him or I. I may need some advice on what to do now. Unfortunately, I do feel bad about telling him off or rather texting him off, but he wanted me to get off of Eharmony because we were considering ourselves together even though he ended up blowing me off without telling me why. Now, him and I are not from the same country so I wonder if he feels as though it's a lost cause somehow because we are so far away from eachother. Even this being so, why would he bother to find me on Eharmony in the first place? Anyway, I understand that I have a lot of story behind me but I think that I just need some friends to communicate to. I also feel the need to count my blessings sometimes but I haven't any friends to count on. I do have my mother and some family but I suppose I feel that it's about time to make friends. What I mean by make friends is longterm and ones that are actually keepers. Sorry for the lengthy autobio, and I know if you read all of this, I caught your interest and I thank you.