Typing on phone bear with me..
Past month cut out grains from diet, compensated and started drinking generally 16 cups of coffee. Sometimes 8 espresso shots, 10 cups.
Point being I started feeling cray cray.
So now I've cut back and started drinking mate.
But I'm having issues. Mate relaxes me. A LOT.
So today at store some lady just rubbed me the wrong way. She was talking to her kids n the isle I was on.. rt next to me just came up. Rt away my normal defensive self would have been oh ***** move away. Because I'm good, real good at avoiding negative people.
So she started blabbing (I would say witchin with a b), and completely just took out her frustrated annoying vibes at me for no reason. Like she seriously saw me all relaxed and decided to come rt next to me to somehow f me over and ruin my time.
Thing is, I live in the snobbiest part of the whole world. Trust this
Thing is, when I drink tons of coffee people don't really bother me. I snus to, used to smoke more.
But it's not entirely true. Coffee keeps me alert and aware of people.. okay, idiots
), I want to avoid.. yadda
Lets move on.
So when she approached I knew the whole ***** was gonna fly. I knew I should leave but the mate was holding on.. making me relaxed
And she spewed on me.. had then I got pissed off after. And I hate that because if I avoid people negative vibes, etc, and avoid them whatever, then I leave unscathed, maybe stressed.
Its like mate opens the heart. They drink it in circles around people coming together to share.
So maybe that's all. Maybe I should drink mate like alcohol, when with friends or relaxing.. because holy God I haven't felt so vulnerable in so long.
But the crazy thing is it just sorta sheds my SA. Because idk, on the way out I sorta didn't really be all nervous with the cashier although she was being weird, and then I completely calmly talked to the Starbucks girl who I know kinda, and just had a bit of Convo.
Its like this mate makes me relaxed, around people, but then annoying people try to ruin it all.
Weird. I need to go for a walk and breath.
The only confounding variable is the last few times I've noticed this with mate I also drank 3-4 cups of strong coffee generally a few hours before I started drinking on the mate. So I could have been crashing from the coffee, because generally when I drink coffee I kinda just know when I need more and I anyways have the snus in.
With mate, sometimes don't need to snus.
But seriously I can't be throwing away this mate because literally it erases my SA, its just.. idk. Its possible I just can't use it around energy vultures/vampires that pray on relaxed people.. because when I'm doped up on the coffee and stuff people stay away... but then I'm kinda SA ya kno
Noticed this with Xanax. Opens you up, but then people can piss me off more.
I'm done will add more later