Now, I'm not sur because it's really, really nice out or what but I feel very passionate about a few things and inspired to make some new lifelong goals. I may say some things that are like kind of obvious here but they really are fantastic things...
Apreciate things more. That's it. Really, really just try and aprpeciate thigns more. Appreciate thigns because they are limited for seasons, years, days, minutes. Appreciate things because they are naturally beautiful. What's beautiful? The sky is beautiful. The trees are beautiful. The site of kids and their estatic states are beautiful things. Your not here forever. Your life is like a desicion. Every desicion is something you decide on making whether your sure of this or not. Belive in yourself. Say great things about yourself. Appreciate people. People are probably one of the best resources in your life in many, mnay, mnay ways.
The fact is, social anxiety is a practiced response. It's just your head filled with negative thoughts. That's really all it is. Most of those thoughts aren't even real. As a matter of fact, there are more beautiful things in this world then there are ugly. You may say that the War is ugly, and it is. You may say that people are scumbug, selfish, unconsiderate people, and some are. You may thing that politics, the Bible, etc are all just lies and more lies. Yet when you step back and focus on what is truely amazing and beautiful in this world it outweighs all the negative. Everything is beautiful. You, me, trees, grass, water, birds, old people, young people, pennies, dimes, w/e! Everything is beautiful. I say this because everything has a story behind it. Even change like pennies or dimes have stories behind them. You may recall some of our presidents and what some of them had did. You may recall some of the negative things that happened during that time. You may also imagine the time when you were ins chool and your history teacher lectures and told you stories of such events. For me, remembering those times are beautiful. They are beautiful because I remembered how I felt back then. Everything back then seemed to be new. I remember summer, school girls with pony tails and, gym class and sweating it out, i remember my first locker, i remember how shy i was with girls and how some girls thought i was cute, i remember losing a tooth in the bathroom in sixth grade, etc. Look at me now, I'm 22 and those yesterdays are gone. It's not a sad thing, but rather a remembered me when I was just a boy. Sounds corny I know. Sounds like Sandlot type stuff, but why not? Why not be a softy and go with the whole "baseball and buble gum" type stuff? It's positive and it's beautiful. Why instead replace that thought with things such as, "oh, that stuff is stupid. life isn't like that". Why replace it with that?
I'll repeat myself here when I say that people are probably THE best resource for happiness you can achieve. I mean, seriously. For people with SA, happiness and people seem to be so separate from eachother they can't even imagine that. But really, most people should be celebrated the same way you'd celebrate bueatiful colored trees or quite sunrays in a whistling wind. Why? Because first of all, they are just like you. You are human, they are human. They aren't somthing different. Your both from the same species. You both feel the same, love, the same, hate the same, cry the same, want the same. Blah blah blah. I'm going into detail ehre let me just get to my goals...
My goals are to try more. My goals are to appreciate more. My goals are to become more passionate in my everyday living no matter my circumstance. To appreciate myself more. To take advantage of my fears and use my fears to modivate me to overcome them or at the very least understand them better. I want to walk into a place, not know anyone and automatically have great feelings and be excited about speaking with them. I want my conversations to be meaningful and not just a goal. I want to smile because I really want to smile and not because of how it makes me look. I want to trya nd take advantage of everyday by having something positive come out of it no matter the circumstance. I want to dwell on more positive rather than negative. I want to make caring friendships, one's that heal, inspire, and support. I know these friendships are out there. I desire to be more of a friend because I know how important it is I keep my friends. I want to celebrate the people in my daily life whether it be someone I know or don't know. I want to enjoy people. I want to be enjoy life more. I don't want to worry about what I don't have but ther appreciate what is already here and not overlook them because everything and everyone is already here.
Everything for you is right outside your doorstep and my doorstep. People are like a confidence source. Relationships develope thigns inside you that you simply cannot do by yourself. People give you energy. You walk away with a sense of inspiration and appreciation for life more than before you decided to see them. People are like an adventure. They all have stories to tell, things to show you about yourself and others, etc. But unless your able to appreciate yourself first none of this will be possible. Whatever it takes learnt o appreciate yourself. Why? Because if you can achieve this I really believe you'll feel the same passion I feel today for the rest of your life if your able to keep at it. I started this thread off talking about conversation and just talking to people wihtout being scared, etc. Now, I feel I can talk to anyone. I am beggining to believe people really like ym personality because I've made a desicion to be more than just a face but give love, show love, just be more uplifted. When your modivated it spreads. When you feel passionate it spreads. When you want to love someone it spreads. When you feel happy and positive about life in general your emotions just change, your thoughts change, your body language changes, your voice changes, your eyes change, your smile changes, your passion begins to sprout, your modivation picks up speed, you start to believe and try more and more, you become what you try and what you think and try. You become something you didn't think was possible. You see that things aren't as what you saw them before. Just start somewhere, anywhere. If your afriad of people, do whatever it takes and start by building positive experiences with being around people. After that push yourself to try and mainttain conversations with people and link positives to that, etc. Just build up and up and up. The other day I saw somethign on TV that made me kind of saddned so I wrote it down and wrote things about it until I made it more realistic and positive and I felt great! I literally changed my mood! I believe now I can mange my moods. I can decide to be sad, I can decide to be happy. Just do anything. Sometimes you have to link what you want with what you don't want for it to work. Sometimes you have to be terrified of something and do it anyway so you can see it's really not that bad. Sometimes you DEFINITLY should say what's on your mind and be shocked and respectful when you find out that people are more compassionate about your feelings than you think! People are great people. Some are not. It's your job as being a healthy indivisual to find out what makes you happy. I really believe people are one of the biggest sources! Believe in what I just said because I swear to you that I once believed I had SA. I was suicidal many times. I couldn't walk out of my house. I couldn't be in a car. I couldn't go to school. It crippled me. Well think of it this way, the only reason why you have SA is because your reinforcing it. You decide to stay in all day. You decide not to talk to people. You decide to fill your head with unessecary beliefs and images of things that just AREN'T TRUE. I'm not bull****ting. Most of the things you think about yourself and others AREN'T ****ING TRUE. They are not true. They aren't. When you TRY without critisizing or giving up, when you really really really put everything you have into being more possitive you will absolutely become more possitive. You will become more confident because you'll see that people are great and something you really need in your life. You'll be more modivated to face your fears. You'll be inspired to try new things. You'll keep pushing yourself and everything will come with it. You happiness is a desicion. What are you doing right now that can change it? Do soemthing and don't give up. Learn that some of your fears are illogical because they relate to things that aren't harmful to you all all. Picuter your instense fear as a feeling you get that is telling you whaetever it is that your illogically fearing is something you need to learnf rom because if you knew more about it you wouldn't fear it as much. I feel fear all the time. I feel loneliness a lot. I've learned most of the things I fear are things I haven't come to appreciate yet or things I simply don't have enough knowledge on. When you face your fears you open up everything that you've been hiding from and that opens up new routes for you to take. The more you push yourself into your illogical fears, and if you try and maintain and grasp a positive from it, overtime you'll see that most of those fears weren't true at all. I have got a lot of regret for because I remembered not being able to see thisa nd not being able to enjoy life more.
Anyways, those are my goals. I will try and remember them and live them everyday. I have gave myself so much over this last year or so to my wellbeing without evern knowing it and I am starting to see the effects of it all. It's just great.