SAS Shame-Attacking Challenge! - Social Anxiety Forum
Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-30-2007, 09:12 AM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Ohio
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 9,208

SAS Shame-Attacking Challenge!


Here it is, folks! Here's your chance to post your SAS Shame Attacking Challenge (SASSAC) results. I thought that a specific format would help to differentiate regular comments from comments of people posting their challenges/results. If someone wants to make a list of items, it might be fun to "check them off" for those who want to participate in that kind of challenge.

Don't feel bad if your challenges seem lame. Difficulty is relative to each person's anxiety in different contexts, and people might benefit from posting challenge results of varying difficulties. Make your challenges a behavior that will very likely lead to rejection of any kind (whistling loudly near people, yawning annoyingly, etc).

------------------

Format example:

CHALLENGE: Attempt to shake hands with three strangers on the street.

PREDICTION: People will look at me funny and back away while calling me "creep" and "weirdo."

RESULTS: I started this challenge by first going to...

------------------

Have FUN with this! The Challenge starts NOW!!!!!!!!!!

AIM: adamhoef

He ran because it grounded him in basics. There was both life and death in it; it was unadulterated by media hype, trivial cares, political meddling...It was all joy and woe, hard as a diamond; it made him weary beyond comprehension. But it also made him free.
ardrum is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-30-2007, 01:34 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Age: 41
Posts: 4,713

re: SAS Shame Attacking Challenge!


------------------

CHALLENGE: Yawn or sing loudly as I pass a person on the street.

PREDICTION: People will look at me funny, or say "do you mind?" loudly. Or maybe yawn back in an irritated way. I will be scared or embarrassed.

RESULTS: I started this challenge by walking to my drum rehearsal. I apssed two guys on the way and yawned loudly - YEERRUM!! They didnt bat an eyelid but I started giggling. On the way back I went out of my way to pass an older guy and do the same. He barely responded!

As I was going back into my flat, a guy walked past me, so I started singing Captain Jack by Billy Joel. He turned and looked at me but I didnt care cos I was doing it deliberately. I went in the flat and started laughing my head off.

I now feel just a little bit braver than I did before

------------------

PS Hey ardrum, when I write up my behavioural experiments, I am meant to write what I think will happen BEFORE I do it so I can compare reality with the SA driven, fearful prediction that was stopping me do it in the first place. I think this would be good to add to the format!

Ross

On to concentrate on bright things Stuck around in hopes to help, didnt seem like there was much left I could do anymore ... good luck and comfort to those who are on their own path and hope for those yet to take their first step! Much Love
yeah_yeah_yeah is offline  
post #3 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-30-2007, 01:42 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Ohio
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 9,208

Re: re: SAS Shame Attacking Challenge!


Quote:
Originally Posted by yeah_yeah_yeah
------------------

CHALLENGE: Yawn or sing loudly as I pass a person on the street.

PREDICTION: People will look at me funny, or say "do you mind?" loudly. Or maybe yawn back in an irritated way. I will be scared or embarrassed.

RESULTS: I started this challenge by walking to my drum rehearsal. I apssed two guys on the way and yawned loudly - YEERRUM!! They didnt bat an eyelid but I started giggling. On the way back I went out of my way to pass an older guy and do the same. He barely responded!

As I was going back into my flat, a guy walked past me, so I started singing Captain Jack by Billy Joel. He turned and looked at me but I didnt care cos I was doing it deliberately. I went in the flat and started laughing my head off.

I now feel just a little bit braver than I did before

------------------

PS Hey ardrum, when I write up my behavioural experiments, I am meant to write what I think will happen BEFORE I do it so I can compare reality with the SA driven, fearful prediction that was stopping me do it in the first place. I think this would be good to add to the format!

Ross
I like the change in format. I've adjusted the OP.

Great results!! Haha, I can't wait to get out of work (3:45pm here) to try something myself. I might copy yours, or try something different.

AIM: adamhoef

He ran because it grounded him in basics. There was both life and death in it; it was unadulterated by media hype, trivial cares, political meddling...It was all joy and woe, hard as a diamond; it made him weary beyond comprehension. But it also made him free.
ardrum is offline  
 
post #4 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-30-2007, 01:52 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Age: 41
Posts: 4,713

re: SAS Shame Attacking Challenge!




Ross

On to concentrate on bright things Stuck around in hopes to help, didnt seem like there was much left I could do anymore ... good luck and comfort to those who are on their own path and hope for those yet to take their first step! Much Love
yeah_yeah_yeah is offline  
post #5 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-30-2007, 02:23 PM
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 53

re: SAS Shame Attacking Challenge!


It would be fun to have a SA buddy to go out with and push eachother into various Shame attack exercises. Would probably be scary and lots of fun!
CarlM is offline  
post #6 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-30-2007, 02:27 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Ohio
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 9,208

Re: re: SAS Shame Attacking Challenge!


Quote:
Originally Posted by CarlM
It would be fun to have a SA buddy to go out with and push eachother into various Shame attack exercises. Would probably be scary and lots of fun!
Yeah, that would be fun! I don't think it would be as difficult, and you could probably end up doing even more difficult challenges as a result.

EDIT: Still thinking about what my challenge will be...

AIM: adamhoef

He ran because it grounded him in basics. There was both life and death in it; it was unadulterated by media hype, trivial cares, political meddling...It was all joy and woe, hard as a diamond; it made him weary beyond comprehension. But it also made him free.
ardrum is offline  
post #7 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-30-2007, 02:42 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Age: 41
Posts: 4,713

re: SAS Shame Attacking Challenge!


this thread is already doing that for me. And you two are my SA buddies on this one so far!

Ross

On to concentrate on bright things Stuck around in hopes to help, didnt seem like there was much left I could do anymore ... good luck and comfort to those who are on their own path and hope for those yet to take their first step! Much Love
yeah_yeah_yeah is offline  
post #8 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-30-2007, 02:55 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Ohio
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 9,208

Re: re: SAS Shame Attacking Challenge!


Quote:
Originally Posted by yeah_yeah_yeah
this thread is already doing that for me. And you two are my SA buddies on this one so far!

Ross
Actually, good point. I'm thinking about a whistling challenge, or the loud yawning challenge. Something to call mildly negative attention to myself (hopefully?? LOL).

AIM: adamhoef

He ran because it grounded him in basics. There was both life and death in it; it was unadulterated by media hype, trivial cares, political meddling...It was all joy and woe, hard as a diamond; it made him weary beyond comprehension. But it also made him free.
ardrum is offline  
post #9 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-30-2007, 03:16 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Age: 41
Posts: 4,713

re: SAS Shame Attacking Challenge!


I am really good at making fart noises with my mouth. They sound VERY real. I may try walking past people and pretending to let one go.

I am hoping at least for a 'tut'.

Ross

On to concentrate on bright things Stuck around in hopes to help, didnt seem like there was much left I could do anymore ... good luck and comfort to those who are on their own path and hope for those yet to take their first step! Much Love
yeah_yeah_yeah is offline  
post #10 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-30-2007, 04:05 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Ohio
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 9,208

Re: re: SAS Shame Attacking Challenge!


Quote:
Originally Posted by yeah_yeah_yeah
I am really good at making fart noises with my mouth. They sound VERY real. I may try walking past people and pretending to let one go.

I am hoping at least for a 'tut'.

Ross
Hahah, wow, that would be an extremely challenging challenge for me. Go for it if you can!

EDIT: Heading out for my challenge while my oven heats up......

AIM: adamhoef

He ran because it grounded him in basics. There was both life and death in it; it was unadulterated by media hype, trivial cares, political meddling...It was all joy and woe, hard as a diamond; it made him weary beyond comprehension. But it also made him free.
ardrum is offline  
post #11 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-30-2007, 04:28 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Ohio
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 9,208

re: SAS Shame Attacking Challenge!


CHALLENGE: Yawn loudly at people.

PREDICTION: People will look suspicious/distrusting. People will look away or back away. People might laugh, trying to keep it to themselves.

RESULTS: I headed out of my apartment to walk the sidewalks. There are usually a lot of people out, so I figured I'd have plenty of targets.

The first person I saw was a woman riding on a bike. As she passed, I tried a loud yawn, but it was rather weak. In addition, my head almost involuntarily turned to the side. Bad Adam!! Haha!

I knew I could do better, so I headed to the other side of the street, where I saw a guy walking. I gave a louder yawn as I walked past him and listened for him to laugh as he passed me... he didn't.

This is where I thought I definitely must not be yawning loudly enough. I need to get rejected here!!

I walked along, trying to find another victim. I wasn't having luck finding anyone, so I crossed the street. Of course, then I saw a bunch of people on the other side of the street.

I stayed on my side until I saw a woman running (middle-aged, somewhat heavy-set). I gave the loudest yawn yet, and her only reaction was to look at me, smile, and say hi. LOL, what?!

I thought I'd go for ONE last try, so I saw another woman walking her dog. I passed, giving a yawn, but she had no reaction as she was just looking down as she passed me. Not even a chuckle.

I'm still thinking my yawns could have been a lot more annoying, but this was a more difficult challenge than I had expected. I've discovered this fear of rejection deal is rather strong, and I plan to think of a new challenge that I'll be able to perform more fully.

NOTE: I found myself having a good time between the bouts of nervousness. I found it hilarious that my dinner was heating up while I was out yawning at people.

AIM: adamhoef

He ran because it grounded him in basics. There was both life and death in it; it was unadulterated by media hype, trivial cares, political meddling...It was all joy and woe, hard as a diamond; it made him weary beyond comprehension. But it also made him free.
ardrum is offline  
post #12 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-31-2007, 02:12 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Age: 41
Posts: 4,713

re: SAS Shame Attacking Challenge!


I thought that about the yawns, maybe they werent loud enough. Thats why i switched to singing! A dude did look at me, but it was just one of those "looking out of reflex" type things.

Today I will try the giving the wrong change in a shop thing. I might only do it once though as the shop I'm intending to go to I go to a lot

When I think about it, I get approached by tramps, alcoholics, beggars, nutters etc all the time. I avoid them but I've never seen anyone go loopy at them or incite a group insult session. People just sort of go 'oh god get me away from him' but thats it. Even if we were totally obnoxious, thats the most that would happen, people would get a bit grumpy and try to get away.

Still scary though

Ross "spare some change please" Yeah

On to concentrate on bright things Stuck around in hopes to help, didnt seem like there was much left I could do anymore ... good luck and comfort to those who are on their own path and hope for those yet to take their first step! Much Love
yeah_yeah_yeah is offline  
post #13 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-31-2007, 04:54 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Age: 41
Posts: 4,713

re: SAS Shame Attacking Challenge!


Cool article on shame attacking, social anxiety and the social roots of shame!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/weekend/st...097508,00.html

Ross

On to concentrate on bright things Stuck around in hopes to help, didnt seem like there was much left I could do anymore ... good luck and comfort to those who are on their own path and hope for those yet to take their first step! Much Love
yeah_yeah_yeah is offline  
post #14 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-31-2007, 06:56 AM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Ohio
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 9,208
Good article. It's interesting to see how other people have tried these shame-attacking exercises.

I thought of some potentially good exercises. They would all be very difficult for me carry out.

1) Block an entrance. Look preoccupied (cell phone or something), and don't move until someone tells you to move.
2) Walk down the middle of a sidewalk, forcing other people to walk around you.
3) Make yourself look more weird/bad than usual (via clothing, hair, etc.), and go into a crowded area for several minutes (or until someone reacts negatively).

AIM: adamhoef

He ran because it grounded him in basics. There was both life and death in it; it was unadulterated by media hype, trivial cares, political meddling...It was all joy and woe, hard as a diamond; it made him weary beyond comprehension. But it also made him free.
ardrum is offline  
post #15 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-31-2007, 09:26 AM
SAS Member
 
katelyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: London, UK
Posts: 558
Okay I have thought of an exercise I will do. When I go into town I will put my feet up on the opposite seat on the train. Since this will take up a seat when it's quite busy and also potentially dirty the seat, it should definitely cause some disapproval. I normally try to squash myself in the corner out of everyone's way. I also will feel some guilt about being selfish though.

I wanted to do the yawn thing, but no matter how I try, I cannot do a yawn while also making a noise. Instead it comes out as a kind of screech. Can females do this?! I'm perfectly comfortable with doing quiet yawns so that would be no good.
katelyn is offline  
post #16 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-31-2007, 09:34 AM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Ohio
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 9,208
Quote:
Originally Posted by katelyn
Okay I have thought of an exercise I will do. When I go into town I will put my feet up on the opposite seat on the train. Since this will take up a seat when it's quite busy and also potentially dirty the seat, it should definitely cause some disapproval. I normally try to squash myself in the corner out of everyone's way. I also will feel some guilt about being selfish though.

I wanted to do the yawn thing, but no matter how I try, I cannot do a yawn while also making a noise. Instead it comes out as a kind of screech. Can females do this?! I'm perfectly comfortable with doing quiet yawns so that would be no good.
I'm thinking that yawns aren't going to get a disapproval response anyway. I was actually greeted in a friendly way once! Not what I was going for. It's hard for me to be mildly annoying! I've got to think of a good one though, since I want to do an exercise every day.

AIM: adamhoef

He ran because it grounded him in basics. There was both life and death in it; it was unadulterated by media hype, trivial cares, political meddling...It was all joy and woe, hard as a diamond; it made him weary beyond comprehension. But it also made him free.
ardrum is offline  
post #17 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-31-2007, 10:01 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Age: 41
Posts: 4,713

re: SAS Shame Attacking Challenge!


I think the important thing is whether you think it will get disapproval. Remember, its testing how accurate that SA bandwidth thingy is for us. If we are scared about yawning loudly, then it feels like a mini-breakthrough to test it. Its brave (in a little way!) and shows us we can make an impression - at least sonically - on our environment and not be punished. For guys and gals who wouldnt normally uetter a peep, then this is a little breakthrough!! When we see nothing happens, well thats one type of behavioural experiment - just not one that brought disapproval! You cannot fail the SASSAC challenge except by not doing it I like that idea!

I think we need to start somewhere, to get the fire started as it were. I might try singing in a shop, that would annoy the hell out of me. Feet up on a bus seat ... haha I think thats too hard for me at the moment!

Ross

This thread is making me nervous-excited

On to concentrate on bright things Stuck around in hopes to help, didnt seem like there was much left I could do anymore ... good luck and comfort to those who are on their own path and hope for those yet to take their first step! Much Love
yeah_yeah_yeah is offline  
post #18 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-31-2007, 10:09 AM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Ohio
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 9,208
I saw this interesting post in another forum:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve Mensing
Hi John:

John asks: "What are you thoughts on REBT's shame-attacking exercise? Is that a form of desensitization? If so, any thoughts on its effectiveness? Any tips?"

John REBT's (Albert Ellis's Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy) "shame attacking exercise" is a direct exposure process targeting shameful activities. It is a form of exposure-desensitization. I hold "shame attacking" exercises in high regard and have taught their use to social anxiety groups.

Typical exercises are walking a shoebox, labeled "dog", on a string through a public park or loudly calling out all the stops on a bus or a train. (I modeled the behavior first and had great fun calling out stops first--Only once did some elderly woman tell me to sit down and shutup--I asked her what stop she was getting off so I could announce her departure and sing: "Happy Trails to You".
She said I was a flake and I agreed with her.

What happens is shame attacking is a person finds out they can stand and survive the socalled shame and it wasn't a big a deal as they thought. Very often persons using this exercise enjoy a good laugh at what they previously believed would be a public disaster.
It's excellent for the shame and embarassment part of social phobia, overcoming our "hangups", and even public performance anxiety. Folks experience the socalled worst and find out they can survive and stand it--it's not the end of the world.

"Any tips?"

*Don't perform "shame attacking" exercises at work.

*If someone is extremely anxious about embarrassment and shame they might want to build up at a gradient.
Do lesser shameful exercises at first until they are desensitized and move to the next shame provoking activity.

*If someone gets very overwhelmed initially or feels some panic coming on they can quickly perform the Shrunken Head to ratchet the overwhelm down. Then continue acting silly or strange until your shame is desensitized.

*Calling out stops on a public bus or train is a nice start.
Don't wear a backpack on New York or London public transportation or you might get detained by the transit police.

Take care, Steve
This post has really inspired me...

I am suddenly reminded of an interview I heard with Larry David (my comedic hero). He talked about how when they are filming a scene where someone is yelling at him and/or cursing, he has the hardest time not laughing. He explained how in real life, people very rarely have such extreme responses when they get upset at you, so actually getting to act in scenes where people are psychotically yelling at him and calling him all kinds of vulgar names is irresistably funny. I think I too often think I'll end up getting cursed at or yelled at, when most of the time it doesn't happen (only rarely do I get cursed at, usually while running). Larry's explanation shows that while getting verbally assaulted is rare, it doesn't have to break you (you don't have to echo their comments in your self-analysis).

I tend to think that most guys will yell or physically attack me if I even slightly bother them (I'm a small guy, which makes me think it's more likely). I think the same with women, minus the physical attacks (although possible, it's less probable).

The shoebox on a rope with "DOG" on it sounds like a hilarious, and very difficult, stunt. I might actually be able to almost do it if I had a bunch of people with me (maybe filming from a distance).

In fact, I almost did a stunt a couple years ago with my roommate. We lived in an apartment up a big hill, with a balcony looking over the hill. I was going to walk up the hill and make a jerking motion with my leg, such that my leg nearly touches my ear. I'd do this RIGHT before passing someone, making them hopefully think I've got some kind of issue/problem. We never went through with it, but only because she never really got her video camera working (which would be filming from the balcony).

I used to do this in the movie theater I worked at though, and one time this attractive girl had NO negative reaction... in fact, she ended up asking me for the time. I was stunned! I was also a lot more socially confident at the movie theater, so it wasn't something I'd ever do outside of that place (with people supporting my stunt).

I think I'm going to go with either of these exercises/challenges:

- Wear running clothes that evoke the most negative comments from people (tight-fitting basically), and run wherever I see the most people. Run through big crowds, especially groups of teenagers. Teenagers will likely provide my best chance at tasting some disapproval.
- Near others, clumsily drop several books two times in a row in a quiet library (I haven't been to the library in my new city yet).



PS --- Ross, have you read "How to Control Your Anxiety Before It Controls You" by Albert Ellis? It came out in 1998, and I'm a little intrigued by it. There is a section on shame-attacking exercises, as well as a sense of humor to combat anxiety. I might buy this book or look for it in the library (hey, two birds with one stone if I perform the shame-attacking challenge there).

AIM: adamhoef

He ran because it grounded him in basics. There was both life and death in it; it was unadulterated by media hype, trivial cares, political meddling...It was all joy and woe, hard as a diamond; it made him weary beyond comprehension. But it also made him free.
ardrum is offline  
post #19 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-31-2007, 12:45 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Age: 41
Posts: 4,713

re: SAS Shame Attacking Challenge!


------------------

CHALLENGE: Give the wrong change when buying something at a shop

PREDICTION: The person will think I am trying to rip them off, or talk to me like a simpleton.

RESULTS: I went into a petrol (gas) station and bought something. It was exactly 1.50. I looked at my change and I had a pound coin, a fifty pence coin and a twenty pence coin. She could also see I had that. Dilemma - how obvious is this going to be? Sod it I thought - and gave her the 1.20. There was a pause that seemed to last forever. I smiled at her. She said "1.50". So I said "oh dear yes. There you go" andf gave the right money. She actually made an excuse FOR ME and said "oh dear happens to us more than it should!". I said "Oh you know me" and she looked embarrassed, saying "Oh no I meant me!!". So I nearly did her out of 30p and she ends up apologising. Hehe I like REBT.

Later I tried to get in someones way entering the supermarket but the door to was too wide. I was close to shouting out "OH HEY 4 FOR A SIRLOIN STEAK. THATS REALLY GOOD GOOD ISNT IT" but then felt too self conscious. Something to build to!

I can feel a strange sense of confidence start to creep over me

Ross
------------------

Ross

On to concentrate on bright things Stuck around in hopes to help, didnt seem like there was much left I could do anymore ... good luck and comfort to those who are on their own path and hope for those yet to take their first step! Much Love
yeah_yeah_yeah is offline  
post #20 of 47 (permalink) Old 07-31-2007, 12:48 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Age: 41
Posts: 4,713

re: SAS Shame Attacking Challenge!


That article is cool, and shows the gold standard of shame attacking!! I am nowhere near that yet. I havent read that book. Personally, I do not think that REBT in general is a better alternative to CBT, especially not the Wells and Clark model of CBT - though Albert Ellis has a couple of awesome ideas that pre-dated, and lead to - CBT.

Keep digging those articles up ardrum!!

Ross

On to concentrate on bright things Stuck around in hopes to help, didnt seem like there was much left I could do anymore ... good luck and comfort to those who are on their own path and hope for those yet to take their first step! Much Love
yeah_yeah_yeah is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
CBT Shame Attacking Exercises - Terrifying!! yeah_yeah_yeah Therapy 101 01-19-2015 11:34 PM
Shame Attacking Exercises AndyLT Therapy 52 02-02-2010 01:23 PM
Shame-attacking exercises, anyone? creativedissent Triumphs Over Social Anxiety 1 12-05-2008 09:42 PM
CBT Shame Attacking Exercises - Terrifying!! yeah_yeah_yeah Coping With Social Anxiety 59 12-31-1969 07:00 PM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome