I think I've found the right dosage for my medication and how to apply it. So i have that to fall back on now...but what's important are these goals.
I went to the bar again last Saturday and was approaching like crazy. I don't even remember how many I opened. I impressed some of my friends who later called me "The star of the night." That felt good.- The issue is that I am so low in confidence I couldn't hook anything. I was just saying random things but none of the girls hung around. Also, the more drunk I got the worse my ability to talk to girls got. I will need to moderate my drinking better.
Goals for this week:
-Be brave- recognize fears and face them- I know this isn't as actionable a goal as I would like, but I can't think of anything besides "face one fear every day". I tend to go into auto-pilot with this goal, and setting "face 4 fears a day" is not that reasonable. I just need to be more brave in general. Stop backing down from things. I've let a lot of the embarrasment from my audit incident get behind me, and things are slowly getting back to normal at work were i feel more comfortable with this.
-Approach 5 women when you go out- with a focus on "not ****ing up"- This is something I need. I approach with a lot of zany things for my amusement but that's obviously not working. I need to focus on just being normal. ex. "Hi, I'm Lovechild. How are you? (Steady facial expression, relaxed body language). Blah blah blah. Nothing fancy, nothing overly witty, just do my job.
-Find a new support group to join - I don't have very many friends anymore. I've realized my roomate and someone I spend too much time with, is a bit of a sociopath and is very "up and down" in our relationship. He's not dangerous, but I am slowly realizing several ways he attempts to manipulate me. I need to break free by finding new people first and keeping him at arms distance.
-Find a new job- I'm still looking every day but not coming up with anything. With the year almost over not many jobs are being posted and I am networking with a lot of old and current coworkers, but they don't know of anything. Just gotta keep at it. I'm not feeling it now, but I remember last month how awful I felt in my current position. I haven't forgetten.
***In other news a girl is coming to visit me from NC and will be staying with me Wed-Sun...approaching will be difficult. I know some people might find it rude I attempt to hit on other girls knowing she's coming, but I don't do it while she's around. When I'm with her, I'm with her. However, she lives in NC and I live in Boston. I don't know if I can move there, and I doubt she'll move here. If we do live together I will be faithful, but in the meantime for my own well-being, I need to keep my skills sharp and my options open.***