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Movie on Saturday

2K views 32 replies 15 participants last post by  desert rat 
#1 ·
Alright, so I suppose this is a pretty ridiculous thread, and it will just show how socially incompetent I am, but I will make it anyway.

So I posted a couple weeks ago about a girl in my class with whom I have been talking, but was afraid to ask to hang out. On Saturday she texted me and asked what I was doing that night, and I responded with something like "nothing really, just a movie at my house probably...what about you?" She responded saying "im so bored and was thinking of going to a movie tonight-wanna come?" So I agreed, and we got the details squared away, and I picked her up, drove there, watched the movie and drove her home. This went well I think. I was able to tell stories, make jokes, be witty, etc.

I have an interest in this girl as more than a friend, potentially...not a huge crush or anything, but she's pretty cool and cute. I had no idea how to indicate this, and I have no idea if she has any interest in me in that way, so I tried to steer clear of any sure fire signs I thought of her in that way. For example, I didn't compliment her, didn't pay for her ticket or snacks, didn't touch her (yeah right, like I would've done that anyways :lol), etc. At the end of the night I dropped her off and she thanked me, and said it was fun, and then left.

I am very uncertain about everything here. She mentioned she was "bored" and wanted to see a movie, implying that it was a night where she had nothing else to do, and I was like her Plan D or something. I would like to hang out with her again, but I feel like asking would be out of line or something. And god forbid, if I did something that would imply I like her, I feel like she would be completely weirded out. Maybe that's illogical, but I don't know. I just don't really know where to take it from here. Any thoughts/pointers?
 
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#2 ·
I am very uncertain about everything here. She mentioned she was "bored" and wanted to see a movie, implying that it was a night where she had nothing else to do, and I was like her Plan D or something. I would like to hang out with her again, but I feel like asking would be out of line or something. And god forbid, if I did something that would imply I like her, I feel like she would be completely weirded out. Maybe that's illogical, but I don't know. I just don't really know where to take it from here. Any thoughts/pointers?
Uh, you were plan "B" - get it ;). She was bored. She did not want to be alone. You arrived, swept her off her feet and into your car. I would say for a first non-date, you did well. You didn't try to jump her :eyes, so you behaved yourself.
:boogie :boogie :boogie
 
#5 ·
...gees! Is that a strict rule you have going there?!! ...cos, personally, i'd probably get bored with the guy always leading. And in fact, in the couple of dates I have been on (ages ago now) I recall I did get quite bored with the guy always leading.

Gotta be a bit of give and take in my opinion. ...actually, I recall a certain wrestling match that I and a guy I was dating had once -it was pretty cool actually. A lot of fun! -who says one partner has to dominate or take over?! Why when you can take turns.

Maybe also, Mr Orange is going with his instincts. ...Incidentally, Mr Orange, I would just go with the flow and do what feels right to you. ...the only thing I'd concern my self with at this point is that you get a feeling that you are her "Plan D". -I know what being someone's plan D is like and it isn't nice. ...but, are you sure she really regards you in such a way? ...anyhow, if she does or even if you wonder whether she does, distance yourself emotionally from her if you can. ...and then, if that doesn't work and cause her to give you a higher social standing, cut off from seeing her.
 
#4 ·
I am very uncertain about everything here. She mentioned she was "bored" and wanted to see a movie, implying that it was a night where she had nothing else to do, and I was like her Plan D or something. I would like to hang out with her again, but I feel like asking would be out of line or something. And god forbid, if I did something that would imply I like her, I feel like she would be completely weirded out. Maybe that's illogical, but I don't know. I just don't really know where to take it from here. Any thoughts/pointers?
Uhhh, how is that the implication??? Don't you want to hang out w/someone you like when you're bored? A friend? A romantic interest? Plus, it sounds like she was being subtle. Did you expect her to call you, ask you out and be obvious on top of it?

Believe me, man, I know how you feel but from what you've written so far, you don't really have the right to feel like you can't show at least half as much interest as she showed you. How did she act during the date?
 
#6 ·
Man, I think that one of the most common mistakes we guys make with gals is assuming they figure out what they want as quickly as we do.

The other night she probably thought, "This guy is interesting, I think I'll call him," then found that she'd made a good decision by doing so. I'll bet that she is attracted to you in some regard even if she doesn't make that plainly obvious.

At this point I'd ask to take her out to do something. If you pay for whatever it is, open doors for her, etc., you'll be more or less making it a date, and she'll probably get the hint. You need to stay somewhat subtle now for the sake of consistency, but you want to let her know that you're not afraid to make your intentions clear.

So at the end of the night, aim for the goodbye peck on the cheek. You're allowed to make any sheepish face you want immediately after doing so...just make sure you don't physically leap backward.

Edit: Please don't freakin worry about being Plan D, as long as she doesn't flirt with plans A, B, and C while you're with her. My father was Plan D when he met my mother, and I was plan D when I met the gal I was with for three years, just as I was...with anyone who stayed with me for more than a few months, now that I think about it. Remember that just because there may be others doesn't mean you won't win in the end.

Edit again: Feel free to bug me at any point if you need a sounding board for your ideas.
 
#7 ·
Just to add to what some of the other posters have said, Mr. Orange, look at it this way: she kind of initiated the evening by asking what you were doing, was very interested in going to a movie with you, and from your account, had a good time.
Just go with the flow, and keep the momentum going; and as sanspants said, don't worry about being her Plan D. Live in the moment, have a great time, and see what she's doing this Saturday.
 
#8 ·
If anything, she sees you as a friend. There's nothing wrong with guys having girls as friends. The thing you have to do is to give some hints that you like her more than a friend and see how she responds. Maybe be a little more touchy with her or flirt a little bit with her. Don't be afraid to call her again. It doesn't even have to be a date setting since she sees you as a friend right now. Just call to hang out or do her tactic and say you're bored.
 
#9 ·
this is a familiar situation. when i was skeptical about some chick wanting to hang with me, i let her call me for the first few times. I can remember one girl hounding me, but as soon as i fell for her, she jerked the rug out from under me. I was talking to her at school, and when she saw "Jeff" come out of the building, she told me to stop talking, and then turned around to nervously laugh at her boyfriend. I found out that Jeff didn't allow her to talk to anyone, and i later saw her with a black eye. In the other cases, i never was okay with being a plan b,c or d. I guess a good way to figure this out would be to let it play out, and eventuall ask her out. If she says yes, as much as you do, then you're okay. If it's lopsided, get out.
 
#14 ·
I bet she just said she was bored to make it sound casual. I bet you were her plan A. I'll bet she had other options that night but wanted to do something with you.

It's nice you didn't make a move though. Respectful even. Anyhow, that's great. This was your goal and you did it. It's not easy to forge connections with people under those kind of circumstances.

Wait, is this the yoga chic or someone else?
Thanks, I hope that is the case. And no, it is not the yoga chic :( I was going to join that class, and I asked my mom about it. Then she asked my aunt, and my aunt said she would do it with me if I was serious. Yeah...I don't think that would be very comfortable. And even if she didn't come, my good friends mom and dad are in that same class. I'm sure nothing woulda happened anyways, but that is enough to make me not even want to try :lol
 
#15 ·
So here is my gameplan for this. I see her tomorrow night for class, and I think I might ask her to do something. I will ask what she is doing on Saturday, and if she is free, I will invite her to do one of a couple of things. Either go see a movie (James Bond), go to a bowling/pool place in the city, go to a rock climbing gym (something I've wanted to do, but haven't got around to it), or something else (if anyone has any suggestions). I am leaning toward the bowling/pool right now.
 
#22 ·
I think Gary read "How To Be An Alpha Male" and took it a little too seriously. What he said in that last post was chauvinistic.

Ya know, having tried those tactics--which are exactly the inverse of my personality--at one point, I can tell you, they are effective at getting one night stands, and that's about it. They don't work for relationships because they show you to be a guy who doesn't respect women. The "Me Caveman!" tactic is a players' tactic for players' use...and not for the rest of us who'd like to share mutual respect with a woman.

I think Gary has a point in alluding to being decisive. It's just that there's just a big difference between being confident and being Caveman.
 
#23 ·
I think Gary read "How To Be An Alpha Male" and took it a little too seriously. What he said in that last post was chauvinistic.

Ya know, having tried those tactics--which are exactly the inverse of my personality--at one point, I can tell you, they are effective at getting one night stands, and that's about it. They don't work for relationships because they show you to be a guy who doesn't respect women. The "Me Caveman!" tactic is a players' tactic for players' use...and not for the rest of us who'd like to share mutual respect with a woman.

I think Gary has a point in alluding to being decisive. It's just that there's just a big difference between being confident and being Caveman.
hmmm ...yeah. I've met a guy or two who had that "never-let-up" approach. ...I can see how it is attactive, just as passion or directness can be. However, I have a cut-off point, from which I get turned off as far as someone being pushy goes.

I figure that a person can have a lot of drive and even be into one night stands without having the approach of dominating someone. ...it may be a thin line, a sort of delicate tight-rope to walk to avoid crossing over. ...still, I don't believe it's truly possible to "push" anyone into anything. ...certainly not if you believe that it isn't and take charge over everything that you do.

...it's more of a choice of mine to view things from this perspective. It's ultimately the truth -but only really becomes this way if you take total responsibility for how you think.

And I like doing that cos I don't like being coerced.

...I also think actually that I have an in-built switch in me ...that I'm one of those individuals that doesn't respond well to pressure from people. Even as a kid, my mum deliberately used reverse psychology on me to get me to do something -I'd say "Nup! Don't want to" if she told me what to do. ...so she told me not to do something, and I'd go and do it.

...of course, I've matured since then, but still ...some deeply seated things remain forever.
 
#25 ·
i feel this post has been slightly hijacked, anyways.......

You can be sexy, confident, in control, massively respectful towards others without a need to assert authority over anyone.

Real connection comes from interest. What's interesting to one guy or woman is entirely different to others. Sexyiness, if you see, does not come from the physical alone. How often have we all met someone, and this sounds awful, slightly overweight but who exudes a massive sexy energy. It's interesting. It's that attitude and confidence that is interesting and attractive. But they need not be domineering in anyway. They trust themself. They need not control or pursuade, they are admired because they are interesting, it makes them sexy, appear more attractive.
 
#31 ·
why would you say I dont respect girls? do you know me?

the pretty world with words such as "assertiveness" "beign cool and confident but not imposing" does not exist, look at it, youre coming from a submissive state of being and youre strivign for a middle ground already, if youre passive and youre trying to be assertive you wont get it, because you need the experience to actually be confortable in the situation to be able to make the decitions that you want, so you gotta go full on, learn to lead and be aggressive THEN you can sit back and use your own judgement.

this same principle is what Im trying to explain, for stuff like this, I didnt know that leading a sociual interaction was SUCH a horrible thing, as if you were disrespectign the othe rperson by leading, is it that yolu think its completly overrunning the other persons will? In an interaction theres always 1 person leadign and the other following, again you cant strive for that perfect mid ground without knowing how to lead first which for a not so experience friend, in this case MrOrange is good advice, learn to lead, learn to be aggressive, such horrible advice.

Also, gettign kind of personal here, eh Mr Pants
 
#32 ·
We are in a transition era in western culture; age of Pieces into age of Aquarius etc., where the patriarical attitudes toward relationships are changing to more egalitarian attitudes. But when we are discussing Social Anxiety Disorder it seems to me that both men and women, equally, need to work on increasing their confidence and assertiveness. Not one person placing their needs above another. If we are talking about evolutionary concepts such as "survival of the strongest" in nature, it is true that the aggressive animal gets "laid" more thus propogating his spieces...and besides, "getting laid" is one of the most fun things we have going for us. But, truly, having multiple relationships and being "successful" with women is not the key to genuine self confidence nor will it foster lasting relationships for either sex. Patriarical attitudes will continue to decrease in the future, but there are always those who will cling to old attitudes. Also this "new age" outlook is bound to be lost on a hormonally active young man. But, have no fear, we all evolve in our own way and in our own time!
 
#33 ·
We are in a transition era in western culture; age of Pieces into age of Aquarius etc., where the patriarical attitudes toward relationships are changing to more egalitarian attitudes. But when we are discussing Social Anxiety Disorder it seems to me that both men and women, equally, need to work on increasing their confidence and assertiveness. Not one person placing their needs above another. If we are talking about evolutionary concepts such as "survival of the strongest" in nature, it is true that the aggressive animal gets "laid" more thus propogating his spieces...and besides, "getting laid" is one of the most fun things we have going for us. But, truly, having multiple relationships and being "successful" with women is not the key to genuine self confidence nor will it foster lasting relationships for either sex. Patriarical attitudes will continue to decrease in the future, but there are always those who will cling to old attitudes. Also this "new age" outlook is bound to be lost on a hormonally active young man. But, have no fear, we all evolve in our own way and in our own time!
 
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