Social Anxiety Forum - View Single Post - Change in mentality needed!
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post #6 of (permalink) Old 09-12-2008, 07:05 AM Thread Starter
Den Watts
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 18

Re: Change in mentality needed!


Some may disagree, but I personally believe that the answer is to desensitise the things we are self conscious about, to no longer think negatively of our flaws, to not be insecure by them.

I know my problems began after years of name calling and put downs made me self conscious about the parts I was judged negatively for. This made me hide these 'flaws' and feel so negatively of myself for these 'flaws'. So if my problems started because of being self conscious, then to reverse it would require no longer being self conscious over these things. Easier said than done when you you have been told something many many times - you get brainwashed into believing its true and there is something wrong with yourself and that is how people will judge you.

However, its too easy to get so obsessed and stuck being self conscious, you do it to protect yourself from being hurt or humiliated, you do it because you are ashamed and don't want people to see these flaws in you because you want to be judged positively and good, not in a negative way which hurts you.

But, I do believe that you need to understand how destructive and pointless this way of negative thinking/self conscious, etc is. Its not protecting yourself, its just ruining your life. Its not worth it. We all have flaws, you shouldn't be ashamed of how you are - I mean I bet people who are self conscious of their perceived flaws would be ashamed and self conscious of any flaw they had, but no one else is letting such problems control their life.

I just believe it is so important to realise this way of thinking has to be stopped, you need to realise how destructive it is in order to help stop the safety behaviours. If you can really start understanding its pointless and achieving nothing then you are far more likely to stop letting these negative beliefs control your life.

If you think 'I've got to protect myself, I can't let people see my perceived flaws, otherwise they will judge me negatively and I will be hurt', well you are just going to keep struggling and get further down the wrong road to recovery. Aiming to overcome the negative beliefs and self conscious beliefs is so important, but you have to fight the negative beliefs, self conscious fears and safety behaviours to help going further down the wrong path. And I believe that is why its important to understand 100% how destructive and terrible doing these safety behaviours is. Each time you do a safety behaviour when feeling self conscious, you are losing and going the wrong way in terms of overcoming this problem.
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