Social Anxiety Forum - View Single Post - Change in mentality needed!
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post #1 of (permalink) Old 09-11-2008, 02:49 PM Thread Starter
Den Watts
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 18

Change in mentality needed!

Is the person you currently are, struggling with confidence, avoiding people and situations the person you want to be? Do you want to be a nobody, someone looking from outside the window into life or do you want to be someone, to live a fulfilling life, achieve dreams and goals and be someone you are proud to be?

Its so easy to get stuck in a mindset whereby you obsess and worry about your flaws, worry about how people judge you, always self conscious, always wanting to avoid attention on oneself and letting it control your life. But where does it get you? How little have you in your life right now? It makes life such a struggle, its so hard to have a good career, its so hard to meet a girlfriend/boyfriend, its so hard to have a social life, its hard to have anything to look forward to.

Life is too short to live like this, to miss so any amazing happy moments and missing out on having a fulfilling life. Do you want to live your life as a struggle until you die and for life to be a chore and waste your whole life because of this obsession, or do you want life to be like the best party you could ever go to?

So what - you have flaws! Big deal. Who hasn't? And what's a flaw anyway? You look around at people, everyone has imperfections and are not perfect. Is a flaw really even a flaw? You see people all the time, they all have flaws, do you notice them? Do others notice them? Everyone has things they would like to change in themselves if they could, but others don't believe their flaw defines them as a person. Flaws give people character and makes them unique. We all have strengths and weaknesses, we all have different qualities and attributes. There are billions of people in the world, everyone is unique, we all look different, we all sound different, we all have different levels of intelligence, we all have different tastes in music, clothes, holidays, interests, cars, comedy, what we look for in a partner. Ok some people in the past may have judged you negatively, but everyone sees different things in people. Everyone likes and dislikes different things. If we all liked the same thing we would all wear the same clothes, listen to the same music, have the same interests, drive the same car, all find the same comedies as funny. But that's not how life works, we all like different things and just because someone may not have liked you in some way doesn't mean others don't. There are billions of people in this world, its impossible to be liked by everyone!

What does being self conscious and hiding yourself achieve? It doesn't change who you are or how you look or change your personality. Where is this negative mentality going to get you? Where will you be in 10 years time? Will you ever progress in life whilst stuck in this negative mindset? Is this what you want?

I know its not a case of just switching your negative beliefs, fears, self conscious feelings off, it doesn't work like that, but this whole negative mindset must change if you are to overcome the problems of SA.

You can't be a success in anything by hiding. You will just waste your life, miss out on all the things you would have loved to have had and have done and die and be forgotten instantly.

Wouldn't you love to be fantastically confident, to handle any situation with style and class, to challenge yourself in any situation where the rewards are great?

People get too caught up in one's own insecurities and flaws, life ends up being controlled by them, whereas life should be controlled by what you want, focusing on achieving what you want and chasing goals and dreams.

Like I say, I know its not as simple as that but there comes a point where one has to make a decision to be who you want to be, focus on what you want in life rather than wasting time worrying what people think of you. No one cares. How many people did you see today - in the street, on tv, at work, in the shop? 1000 people? How many people can you remember seeing? How many people did you stop and dwell about? How many people did you focus on their flaws? Probably none? So why is it any different for anyone else when they see you?

A change in mentality is needed, you've got to get out of this bubble of being obsessed about your insecurities and flaws and what people may think of you, and have a mentality of being your real self, focusing on what you want, focusing on the tasks you face. Forget how people may see your or judge you. Who is more important - yourself and what you want in life or some person you hardly know and don't really give a monkey's toss about?

You can do it, you are unique just like everyone else in this world, live life how you want to live it and go for what you want, thats how life should be lived!
Den Watts is offline  
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