I No Longer Have Social Anxiety (Nardil)
About one week ago, my social anxiety completely diminished thanks to the drug Nardil. To the people who are doubtful about the severity of my social anxiety, I can assure you that it was quite extreme. My eyes would water and tear up if I made eye contact with anyone, there was a period when I couldn't even lift my head in public, and sometimes I would even have what I guess could be a called spastic convulsion of sorts. My anxiety would reach such high levels that my muscles and body would just twitch and spaz out, I probably looked like an epileptic on crack.
What's so strange about being on Nardil is that it has never felt like I was on a drug. I was never once under the impression that my brain chemistry was changing or I was gradually becoming different. Over the past few weeks, I began noticing small differences in my behavior that just gradually increased with time. I began speaking out in class, I struck up a conversation with a complete stranger at the mall, I talked to the cashier for a good 5 minutes after buying a shirt. When all of these things happened, I never gave them much thought at all, they just came seemingly natural to me and did not strike me as anything special. All these occurences were spread out though and didn't happen in the course of one day.
Last week though when at a bookstore, I was sitting in the poetry section reading some book I grabbed off the shelf when a very pretty girl began looking at the poetry books next to me. She made eye contact with me and I actually smiled back to her while making eye contact. Somehow, at the miraculous hands of god, I actually felt comfortable and normal in hitting on her. I just started making small talk to her about poets and had her giggling the whole time. When telling her goodbye and going to check out, she grabbed my shoulder and asked if she could give me her phone number.
When leaving the store, I knew something incredibly drastic had changed within me. I didn't feel different at all, but I knew I was. I should have been ecstatic and screaming throughout the parking lot about what had just happened, but I wasn't. I just felt happy and calm about it, as if I had done the same thing to a billion other girls my entire life. Looking back on my old neurotic self that day, I just couldn't relate or understand why I got so anxious socially.
This is all so strange, my entire life I have felt so debilitated and oppressed by this disorder, but as of this week I have finally become relieved of it. In the past when thinking about the day when I would overcome social anxiety, I thought I would cry and just breakdown on the floor with unmitigating joy when I overcame it. Instead strangely enough, I'm just totally nonchalant about the whole ordeal because of Nardil. I can't relate or understand how I used to feel before in social situations, the new confident happy me feels like the person I have always been. Everyday I feel normal and complete and as if this has always been how I was.
The only bad side effects Nardil has given me are insomnia and constipation. I'm countering the constipation with lots of fiber and the occasional laxative, so it's not really hindering my life in anyway. The insomnia is a pain in the butt though, but my doctor has prescribed me a sleep aid which makes the insomnia nonexistent now.
To anyone who is scared of taking this drug because of all the horror stories you may have heard, I can assure you that this drug is quite benign. I've been irresponsible with my eating habits a few times and eaten some things that were on the no no list and only had a very very minute spike in blood pressure. Maybe 5 points or whatever unit they ascribe to the numbers in blood pressure. I drink 5 cups of coffee a day, smoke a pack of cigarettes, drink 3 mountain dews, and haven't had anything remotely considered a hypertensive crisis. The chance of having one has been greatly exaggerated, while possible, it's not as easy as many make it sound. You have to either eat some very prohibited food items or just throw caution completely to the wind for it to happen.
I guess I'm done for the most part with this website. I think I'll stop by occasionally to ask for advice on how to deal with Nardil insomnia and other side effects, but I don't feel like I have much of a reason to post here anymore.
I am actually going to hang out with some girls tomorrow. Imagine that, me the colonel, hanging out with girls just as friends. They are in my english class and are going to a Dali art exhibit tomorrow and they actually asked me to tag along. It's just absolutely crazy how quickly my life is changing. I can't understand why almost no one with social anxiety takes Nardil. It's the only drug that cures it, but all I see around me are people continuing to try the same old tested failures over and over.
I'm going to check up on this thread all throughout the week to answer any questions anyone here might have.