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post #3 of (permalink) Old 08-04-2008, 06:34 PM Thread Starter
childofsolitude
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 151

Re: Things I've learned.


Changing your way of thinking-part 1

Boy do I have a lot to say on this topic. That's why I'm breaking this down into two parts. In part 1, we'll discuss changing your way of thinking in terms of how you see the world and other people and how to think positive in general.

If there's one thing I've learned that I will always remember, it's that seeing grey is always better than seeing black and white. I remember reading an article in a magazine a few months ago that was titled "5 Secrets of Happy People". One of the "secrets" was appreciating the small things. Instead of being upset that summer is over, go for a walk and look at the colors of the leaves that autumn brings. Make it a point to brighten someone's day. If someone pays you a small compliment, take it. If you're anxious about having to go into a store to do some grocery shopping, give yourself a pat on the back after you're done because you got through it.

Instead of looking at everything negatively, think of at least one positive thing that came out of the situation. If a social situation didn't go the way you wanted to, think about how you at least had the courage to do something social or be thankful for the experience. In part two of this topic, I'll discuss why it's important to look at things positively because of how it effects your mood and anxiety.

It's common for us to feel worthless and abnormal when we're rejected. EVERYONE, whether they have SA or not, feels hurt when they are rejected. SAers just don't know how to process the situation so that it doesn't take a serious toll on our moods. Most people are able to let go at some point. SAers don't know how to. If we feel rejected in a social setting, we automatically assume it's because we're freaks and we're not capable of socializing. The funny thing is that an outsider might not even notice that we said something stupid or had nothing to say. Or instead of stewing in our social retardation, why can't we think that, gee, not everyone has the same personality so not everyone is going to want to be my friend. Think about it. If we all got along with each other, we'd be friends with everyone in the world. That's not possible nor does it make sense.

Something that used to bother me a lot was seeing other people out in public who appeared to be having more fun than me. Everyone else was happier, more social, better looking, etc. Think about the popular kids in school. You are envious of them because they appear to be happier than you. When I was in 9th grade, I stopped looking at the popular kids as people on a pedestal. I remember sitting in English class and two popular girls were sitting next to me. One girl asked me who I had a crush on. When I told her no one, she scoffed and said that I HAD to like someone because it's impossible to not have a crush on someone everyday of your life. Honestly, from that day forward I just thought that those kids were pathetic. If that was a requirement in order to be popular, I was fine being normal.

Or let me use another example: celebrities. People look up to celebrities because they're supposed to do no wrong. That is until they DO do something wrong and they're no longer god like. I was going through a bit of depression a couple of months ago because I had a favorite actress that seemed so happy and beautiful and just perfect and I looked at my life and thought I was worthless in comparison. One day I was watching a vlog (video blog) that she does with two other women and noticed that she was a camera hog. Talk about a turn off. After watching that, I looked at her as though she was a normal human being.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that everyone is different and everyone has issues. You're not going to get along with everyone so just stop trying to please/impress everyone you meet. If you're not being yourself, why would you want these people as friends knowing that you have to go above and beyond everytime you see them in order to keep up? Has anyone ever heard of Postsecret? If you haven't, it's a blog that basically is used for people to post secrets that they have. I've learned that everyone has a secret. Everyone has something that is bugging them secretly. NO ONE is ever completely happy. I have a quote written on a board in my room that says "Be careful what you say for everyone is fighting some kind of battle".

Don't feel like you have to be perfect because no one is. Don't feel like you're abnormal because you're certainly not. Even people who are boring and have nothing nice to say have friends. Don't feel like people won't like you for being you. And most importantly, try to look at everything you do with even a hint of positivity. I can almost guarantee you that if you do, you'll live a life even better than those pathetic popular kids in school.
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