Social Anxiety Forum - View Single Post - Things I've learned.
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post #2 of (permalink) Old 08-04-2008, 05:23 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 151

Re: Things I've learned.

Learning to like yourself

Having read through quite a few posts on this message board, all I really see is negativity. SAers see things in black and white. Either your day went really bad or it was really good. And your day can't be really good if you swim in a pool of negativity. So of course it makes sense that just about every post is negative.

Like I said in the previous post, some of you may not have the motivation to do better because you don't like yourself. If you didn't like yourself or feel as though you're worthy of doing better, than you wouldn't be here now. If absolutely nothing in the world can make you happy or if you have no goals in life, then you have a reason to sit at home all day and sulk. But I know every single one of us has at least one goal and at least one thing that makes us happy.

Try this: Make a list of things you'd like to do and goals you'd like to accomplish. It can be something small or something important. For example, on my list I wrote down that I'd like to see a favorite band in concert. I also wrote down "graduate from college". Both things are on opposite sides of the spectrum concerning importance but they both would make me happy if I accomplished them. Take this list and post it somewhere that you'll see it everyday. Make sure you leave extra lines in case you want to add something else. As you achieve these things, cross them out and write the date that it was accomplished next to it. These goals will give you something to look forward to and thus, give you motivation to become happier.

It's extremely important that you treat yourself better. Sometimes being selfish is a good thing. Make a list of things that make you happy and do them whenever you can. If music makes you happy, play it when you can. If relaxing in a nice, warm bath after a long day makes you happy, try to have a bath at least once a week. Treat yourself whenever you can. Buy that shirt that looks good on you. Have a movie night with popcorn once a week. Do anything that promotes positivity in you.

A month ago, I couldn't go out with friends without overthinking everything. I couldn't go to a movie without wondering what everyone was thinking of me. I've gone to the movies twice in the past couple of weeks and I've thought to myself "Who cares if my friend thinks I'm boring? I'm going to have a good time and watch this movie. And you know what? Even if my friend doesn't think that I'm the most exciting person ever, I'm thankful for the experience and I'm thankful that I'm doing SOMETHING to make me feel better". Because I stopped worrying, I had a really great time and my friend doesn't think I'm boring. We've made plans to hang out since then.

Once you've accepted the fact that no matter what, you were given this body and this life and you can either be good to it or bad to it, you'll see that the only option is being good to it. "But, childofsolitude, my life sucks because I live at home with my parents and I have no friends and I have no social skills!!" Let's put this into perspective, shall we? The other day I was talking to a coworker and complaining about how I hate wearing my glasses because they feel weird on my face but I need to use them since I can't see far away. The two of us were talking back and forth when another coworker walked in and basically told me that I need to shut up and be thankful for what I have. The reason? My coworker is blind. And the funny thing is that she's one of the happiest people I've ever met. Unless you're blind or a kid with AIDS living in the poorest parts of Africa (and I hate to be so blunt... I'm not trying to sound offensive), do we really have any reason to complain simply because we have difficulty being around other people? We need to stop treating ourselves like victims.

Next post will be on "Changing your way of thinking".
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