Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

my therapist disaproves of this website

7K views 93 replies 61 participants last post by  ruinthps 
#1 ·
I hope I dont get people upset by this, but my therapist thinks that this website is a bad idea becuause all of our minds think exactly alike (well very similar) so its kind of like the blind leading the blind. He didnt say it in that way, but that is what I gathered. He thinks its a bad idea because we cant really help eachother by just complaining to eachother, it will just make us more depressed. I agree that it doesnt help much to just complain to eachother, but i think if we can try to stay positive and focus on getting better rather than posting things like "i cant live anymore" it will be better for all of us.

I agree that it feels good to post an "outburst" of frustration on here much like it feels good to journal but unfortunately it puts the reader of the post at a disadvantage to getting better.
 
#27 ·
Things aren't so black and white in my mind. I don't think this board is either "positive" or "negative." It depends on the person cuz different people have different experiences of things. For one person, it's more negative cuz they perceive all the pain as depressing and overwhelming. For someone else, it's more positive cuz one of the hardest things for them is feeling alone in something (that's like me). I've talked about SAS to my therapist for a long time now, and she thinks it's been more of a positive for me. I've grown a lot here. I'm able to be more expressive and assertive, even if it's just online. That gives me confidense that maybe sometime I can do it in the "real" world too.
 
#28 ·
Atticus, I agree that SAS can be very negative. Some forums are depressing. I don't spend too much time on the hardcore SA related ones. I'd rather just socialize... in a weird sort of way.
 
#29 ·
I think it could be negative if you never socialize or try to make real life friends because SAS is safer. Or just using the internet way too much in general isn't the best idea if you want to get over your anxieties.

However, it is positive because we are communicating. And it is better than just playing video games or watching TV endlessly.
 
#30 ·
LostInReverie said:
Especially those that say "If I did it so can you", because of how untrue it is. I feel completely hopeless.
You are no different from the rest of us. But you really shouldn't worry too much about what other people have done and just worry about how to make your own life better. :squeeze
 
#31 ·
Classified said:
You are no different from the rest of us.
Actually, I am different. We're all different. Not that I would expect you to know what I am capable of.
 
#32 ·
LostInReverie said:
This may sound strange, but the posts that really bring me down on SAS are the ones of people who are conquering their SA. Reading about the success of others fills me with such despair about my own situation. Especially those that say "If I did it so can you", because of how untrue it is. I feel completely hopeless.
That is so true. I've found no more effective way to ruin my day than reading the 'triumphs' board.
 
#33 ·
Mngirl said:
I hope I dont get people upset by this, but my therapist thinks that this website is a bad idea becuause all of our minds think exactly alike (well very similar) so its kind of like the blind leading the blind. He didnt say it in that way, but that is what I gathered. He thinks its a bad idea because we cant really help eachother by just complaining to eachother, it will just make us more depressed. I agree that it doesnt help much to just complain to eachother, but i think if we can try to stay positive and focus on getting better rather than posting things like "i cant live anymore" it will be better for all of us.

I agree that it feels good to post an "outburst" of frustration on here much like it feels good to journal but unfortunately it puts the reader of the post at a disadvantage to getting better.
Are you sure?
It must depend on where you are in overcoming. It would be harmful if you aren't getting anything out of it or are using it as an excuse to not improve. My doc actually likes the idea of having a site like this since it is a simulated world where we can build up our social skills without the fear of being rejected. Since we are all on the same base, we can build from there. I call it "social training wheels". We ride with the training wheels to learn how to balance. After we are confident enough to ride, we take them off. It is the same with this site.

Now given my post count :lol, it would appear that I am some kind of groupie. Well, I have taken advice but have also given advice along the way. I have learned so much from the people here and have seen people grow and become more outgoing. It is a nice thing to see :).
 
#34 ·
LostInReverie said:
Actually, I am different. We're all different. Not that I would expect you to know what I am capable of.
We are just at different stages of SA. But all of us are capable of getting over it if we work at it.
 
#35 ·
You can't please everyone. The problem is that some people enjoy reading about misery because it confirms that they are not the only one experiencing that misery. At the same time its difficult to read anything positive because that can be seen as an affront to a negative worldview that can be quite comfortable at times. Unfortunately, as good as expressing negativity and reading about it from others can be it doesn't really help in the long run. Short term gain, long term loss. I think only very disciplined people are able to balance venting their frustrations and proactively making changes. There is a tendency to follow the path of least resistance, whether that is willed or not.
 
#36 ·
Another thing about therapists... they don't understand how much loneliness factors into the problem of SA. Most people don't understand the austere, unrelenting loneliness many of us live with.
 
#39 ·
I think this is a great forum, I poo-poo what your therapist says! :wife (i like this smily, reminds me of the simpsons)

It is (for me) so reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who has sa. Before I accidently found this forum, I felt a lot more hopeless and that I was some kind of freak and that nobody could ever understand what I was going through. It's great having others to relate to, especially with how difficult it is for us sa'ers to reach out to people. I also found out ways to try to overcome sa, without this forum I would still be lost.

If you think the negative posts aren't helping you, then stay on the positive forum. Sometimes it feels good to rant though ;)
 
#40 ·
LostInReverie said:
This may sound strange, but the posts that really bring me down on SAS are the ones of people who are conquering their SA. Reading about the success of others fills me with such despair about my own situation. Especially those that say "If I did it so can you", because of how untrue it is. I feel completely hopeless.
I'm glad that I'm not the only one that feels worse reading those.

There are coping methods that allow me to lead a normal (albeit lonely) life, but there's no way life will ever be like that, and no amount of "it's so easy, all of you can do it too" is going to help.
 
#41 ·
without this website i would never have known i had SA and I figured i was just a weirdo and an outkast, all alone. Now i know there is others out there like me and Ive even met a bunch and made some good friends and a gf.
 
#42 ·
I wouldn't pay much attention to the therapist, if I were you Mngirl.

Someone on here said that they learn social skills on this forum, I believe it was Lisa, and I feel the same way. I use the forums to test out alot of my core beliefs, by posting stuff that I normally wouldn't say in real life just to see how people respond. I keep track of the results and have been noticing that alot of my dire predictions don't come true at all. I challenge myself on the forum socially-speaking and know that the skills that I learn here I can use in real life.

I think the sas board is a safe place to learn, to vent, to do whatever you want. The moderators are pretty good at keeping this place clean and safe for us too, so that's another advantage.

It's nice to be able to come here and just be yourself...it's becoming more and more like a second home to me, if that makes any sense.

If I were you, I wouldn't pay much attention to him...there's lots to do and to learn here, if you use it to your advantage.
 
#43 ·
Have any therapists ever posted on SAS? I don't care if it has been years... Has it ever happened before?

While I think I can actually somewhat agree with the "spirit" of what the therapist was driving at, I am in disagreement with every other aspect. Like others have said, this forum is not simply a place for people to complain to each other and strengthen each other's insecurities.

What I agree with is the idea that dramatizing our problems by blowing them out of proportion is not helpful in our recovery. This is a distortion of reality that perpetuates the irrational cycle. But to blame the forum is misguided because the forum doesn't cause people to complain. If it didn't exist, the complaining would simply manifest in a different manner.

In addition, there are quite a lot of available resources available here for managing and reducing anxiety. There are quite a lot of confident/positive people here who share what they've done to improve the quality of their lives. That there are benefits to this site is undeniable, as I've improved after using many resources available here (and interacting with others).

Ask your therapist to visit the whole forum, not just one section, before drawing a sweeping conclusion about the value of this site. This is only fair, and the therapist would have to agree if he/she has any interest in making informed statements.
 
#44 ·
I think this board is yet another form of therapy in some ways. Even a survey on social anxiety treatment included internet boards as a form of help.
Some responses on this board have offered differing opinions which can open up your mind. Often there are answers that actually help along the road to solving a problem.
I'm not saying your therapist is bad, but there are good and bad therapists just like there's good and bad random advice on a board.
Another thing is that self-expression will often be negative just to vent sometimes - if we're all pretending to be happy all the time it's just not going to ring true. It's a support board so someone says they're feeling bad then someone else will come and comfort them or offer advice - that in itself is therapeutic.
 
#45 ·
I have to agree with tomcoldaba said about "The therapist is worried about his income and the competition this forum offers him." I think it's challenging the sense of authority that some therapists get.

I don't see why this site is problem. It's not meant to take the place of therapy, just be an additional source of support and education.

I spent the first 28 years of my life thinking I was the only one who had this. Finding out I'm not that I'm not the only one was a huge weight of my shoulders, and something I don't think therapy could have provided. Even though I don't post often, I found that knowing that there are people that here that can genuinely empathize, not just talk about what they've learned from books, to be enormously helpful and comforting.
 
#46 ·
You doctor is right in a small way. Eventually when anyone on this site starts who to work on themselves and begin to properly cope with disorder should leave this site behind. I think this site is good for a person if they are just starting out to change their life but if they are here constantly without trying to get better unfortunately i think they are just spinning their wheels in the mud (getting nowhere fast)
 
#51 ·
Mngirl said:
I hope I dont get people upset by this, but my therapist thinks that this website is a bad idea becuause all of our minds think exactly alike (well very similar) so its kind of like the blind leading the blind. He didnt say it in that way, but that is what I gathered. He thinks its a bad idea because we cant really help eachother by just complaining to eachother, it will just make us more depressed. I agree that it doesnt help much to just complain to eachother, but i think if we can try to stay positive and focus on getting better rather than posting things like "i cant live anymore" it will be better for all of us.

I agree that it feels good to post an "outburst" of frustration on here much like it feels good to journal but unfortunately it puts the reader of the post at a disadvantage to getting better.
You'll find links to this site on many a Dr's webpage as well as in a few books.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top