I realized something last night while listening to Jack Kornfield. Although I've tried to forgive the people who hurt me, I still suffer by ruminating about things that happened to me. It occurred to me that I was forgiving the wrong person. It wasn't the other people I was mad at; I was mad at myself for not dealing with the events in a way that fostered my self-respect. I know that I have the ability to deal with difficult situations, but sometimes my anxiety gets the better of me and I lose my dignity. My sleeplessness compounded my problems.
Last night, it occurred to me why forgiving the people who hurt me did make me feel better -- it was me that needed forgiving. I was angry with myself for not handling the situations better. So last night I forgave myself.
... and then I punched myself in the nose and wrestled myself to the ground.